Sexy, Single, and Swirling…With a Slight Twist

Gender roles are exhausting and limit your growth as a human and spiritual being. People are people and if Johnny feels like he is Jenny then let her be who she is meant to be. Being transsexual is a hard life and is not a "choice".I wouldn't date one because I'm not attracted to ts, but I don't judge others who do date "adventurously". 

I do believe that, with some people, sexual orientation can be fluid, and with others less so. Just one of the different variants in humanity. 

I went to an all female college, and had a lot of friends who identified as lesbian. One of those said friends tried with all her might to turn me out, and being a curious college student, I didn't turn her down right away. She was very masculine, with a deep, rough voice, and if I squinted, she could pass for a man. However, the second she tried to introduce me to her breasts, it became apparent to both of us that it wasn't my thing.  Probably because my response was "Wow, you have breasts. I gotta admit, I was not expecting that." Then I began assessing the entire experience as one might a philosophical dissertation. She laughed at me, put her shirt back on, told me I wasn't gay, and sent me on my way. But the thing about it was that I could not have said with certainty "I'm not very attracted to females" prior to that experience, because I wasn't really sure. I thought I was attracted in some way to this woman, not realizing that that it was her masculinity that peaked my interested, and at an all women's school in the boonies of Massachusetts, it wasn't like there were a whole bunch of dudes around to really test the theory. Now I know.

I equate it to the time I went out on a date with a very thin, lanky man, and thinking back on the date later, I realized, "Wow, I'm a slim girl, and I probably couldn't have fit my pinky toe into his jeans. I gotta admit, I was not expecting that." And it became apparent, I am not attracted to super thin men. In the same way that I am not attracted to breasts.(not counting my phase at the age of 15 where skinny, long-haired, feminine, glitter and make-up wearing, bi-pretending, Korean/Japanese rock stars, with fake eyelashes and deep voices was all I was about)

Today, I totally have types. Tall asian men, blond beefcakes, brunette beefcakes, redheaded beefcakes, and men with the brunette, blue eye, combo. Had I not given myself permission to be open to feeling attraction to different types of people, I don't think I would have been able to say "This is what attracts me without fail", while still being open to meeting different people who may not fit the mold.  I do think that the black community is a lot more close minded to experimentation, especially if you consider every date you go on with any one person is an experiment.

The fact that "you don't see gender"  says a lot about you, what you are open to exploring, and the kind of romantic based choices that you have made and will make in the future. I think the term for not seeing gender is "pansexual" if I am not mistaken.  Other people, regardless of race or gender have their own orientations and sexual preferences, and some might not be in tune to these things fully until later in their lives, including once they've already been married and had kids with an opposite gendered partner.

In my personal case, I am a black woman who has always known that I could be physically attracted to both men and women, even when I couldn't articulate it, at a young age.  To the outside observer, I live my life as a straight woman, but I consider myself bisexual.  When I say that, I actually mean that I am physically attracted to men and women, but I  have always been more emotionally connected to men, and I have more of a desire for a partnership with men.  When it comes ot my attraction for women, I have ever only been sexuallly attracted to them but could not see myself being in a domestic partnership or really having an emotional connection with a woman.  I recently joined a bisexual forum, when I came to the conclusion that I am indeed bisexual, and from reading the comments of other women on that forum, iI realized that there are more women out there who have the exact same feelings as me when it comes to who they are attracted too, and also how they view partnerships. The opposite of how i feel, are the women who find that they can experience an intense emotional connection with another woman, but they only physically desire men.

It's also good to know what one will be open to in a relationship.  Example, There are some people who realize that they are bisexual while in a straight relationship, and once they tell their partner, the partner sometimes rejects them or other times are open to the person exploring that part of their orientation, which can lead to a somewhat open relationship.

Ok, I’ll bite. I am single and looking for a quality man to establish a long term relationship with; however I've purposely excluded men who are into other men from my pool. I am looking for a partner with similar values as to mine and I have chosen not to engage in romantic and sexual activities with other women for personal and spiritual reasons. I need someone who understands (and respects) these boundaries and I question whether a man open to relationships with other men could do so, and I'm not interested in weeding through a bunch of bisexual men to determine whether that's an accurate perception. In general, I'm not a person who is willing to "take a chance" on men I foresee issues with because the potential risk (drama, wastes of time, bad situations, etc)  is too great, to me, for the possible reward. There are lots of guys I've excluded from my dating pool (divorcees, non-Christians, OOW kids, certain blue collar types, extreme sexual histories, etc) not necessarily in a value judgment but because at this point in my life, I have a good idea of what type of man is most compatible with me.

And those are men in those photos. I'll take Raja any day!!! 

"how many Black women out there would go out on a date with a cross dresser, or a pre-op transsexual, or a plain old out of the closet bisexual male in hopes of finding love?"

I think there are more black women playing the role of beard than it would like to be openly acknowledged. 

But this is a good question, and I'd definitely like to hear what people say on the matter.