Black Women Need to Start “Swirling Into Reality” Says Kola Boof

Black Women Need to Start “Swirling Into Reality” Says Kola Boof

“Sadly, as much as I enjoyed reading “SWIRLING” and found myself laughing and slapping my knees in agreement with the author’s and their experiences—I became very upset when I tried to get other Black women to read the book and found myself met with walls of stubborn resistance.”

Author : Christelyn Karazin

Author's Website | Articles from

“Swirl Into Reality”
By Kola Boof

“Swirling”—a social term that refers to the recent interracial dating boom in America is now a crucially important book that every Black woman should read. Written by Christelyn D. Karazin and Janice Rochelle Littlejohn—two beautiful sisters who’ve experienced all races of men and have very compelling information to share—the book is a porthole into the world of possibilities that await Black women when we dare to wander beyond the gates of today’s dying Black community and reinvent ourselves, making our own options; our own realities.

Sadly, as much as I enjoyed reading “SWIRLING” and found myself laughing and slapping my knees in agreement with the author’s and their experiences—I became very upset when I tried to get other Black women to read the book and found myself met with walls of stubborn resistance. I decided to write this review to say a few things that I feel a mother would tell a daughter. The first thing being that as an African-born woman who comes from a tribe and a clan, I would love nothing better than to see a world of “Black love” and the continuation of our people in the African sense—I myself married a wonderful Black man and have two wonderful sons. But the reality is—we now live in an age where Black men’s media images worship every kind of woman but Black. It’s an era when many Black men publicly instruct each other to ‘use black women for sex and money’ and reserve love and marriage for ‘anything but a black woman’—creating the statistical reality that most Black women will not be able to find suitable mates in their own group and are more likely to be abandoned after being ‘used for sex’ with babies.

We also, as Black women, need to understand where this compulsion to be loyal to Black men at the expense of our own lives comes from.

Ever since there’s been an African—the honor of having a life has been packaged and bestowed as an entitlement for little Black boys. Little Black girls were raised to protect, respect and celebrate the entitlements of the little Black boy’s life—as it’s drilled into us that the whole world is out to destroy him. If need be, the hopes and dreams of the African female is to be sacrificed for him we are raised; that his right to soar is the most important thing.

Beyond hollow Nationalist rhetoric and words, there has been no altar where either boys or girls worshipped Black women—but we imposed rather a male-identified worker bee culture that patronized the elderly Big Mama and pitted black male beauty, cool and self-interest as the symbolic value of African virility.

Pan-Tribal-Clan tradition injected racial reproduction as the sole value of the Black woman—because back before slavery and colonialism, when Black men loved being dark, powerfully authentic African males, they needed our dark wombs in order to be born again in their own image. The reproduction of “Black Sons” was the most centrally important ritual throughout African cultural hierarchy. Therefore Black women were acculturated to be most loyal and loving of the Black man—to see her world as out of balance unless he was reborn—while he on the other hand was acculturated to see Black women as his faceless obligated worker bees; his caretaking backbones and emotional bastions—long suffering inanimate reproduction vessels that could be taken for granted depending on his up or his down.

For these reasons, our stupefied loyalty to Black men has been extremely hard to shake. While other races of women are publicly and profusely ‘watered’ like flowers by the men of their societies—Black women, no matter where they exist on the planet, are the only flower among humans that perpetually grows ‘unwatered.’ She is constantly called “strong” and told: “be a strong black woman and take it like a man.” Any caring on her part for her inner self is treated as an affront to all the other humans she serves. If she defends or imposes her own will, then she is dismissed as ‘angry,’ ‘bitter,’ ‘non-supportive,’ and historically undeserving of happiness.

In my writings as a Womanist Black African author, I strive to bring a new message to young woman. My message is that we are the center of the universe and that our loyalty should be to our wombs—that we like those who like us; and discard those who fail to acknowledge and honor us.

What makes me so love and strongly recommend “SWIRLING” is that finally, here is a ray of sunshine of a book that joyously, comically and seriously takes the side of Black women without blinking an eye and without alienating other types of readers—even Black males.

While Janice Littlejohn takes the clinical and more scientific role in the book, Christelyn Karazin gives us the ‘warm and fuzzy’—both women graciously offering up their own personal lives to weave a tapestry of love, information and self-acceptance that can only help anyone who dares read “SWIRLING”. And let me tell you Black women—we truly need to be reading this book, if for nothing else than to educate and expand our minds to what’s out there. Our landscape whether we like it or not is changing. The future is now and “SWIRLING” is right on time. Get your copy.

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samoanbiscuit 6 pts

"Black women, no matter where they exist on the planet, are the only flower among humans that perpetually grows ‘unwatered.’"Yeah that's a hell of a reach, and it's crap. There are black people in the Pacific Islands that don't have these problems. US blacks should realize that much of their problems are not universal to all blacks, but exclusive to their racist white supremacist country.

Toni_M 18968 pts moderator

 samoanbiscuit Depending on where black WOMEN are in the world, they will either agree or disagree with your point of view. Please understand: We're talking about the experiences of black women as a gender and a group in the world. 

 

Also, when you say problems are not "universal to all blacks" I ask what do you mean. Colorism? Shadism? OOW birth rates? Black women being made to feel inferior to white women? Intra-racial mysogny? There are problems that are unique to black women depending on their location within the US. I am living in the country myself, so I would not have to worry about the problems that a black woman living in a poor area of a major city might. 

 

Understand that even as you resent generalizations, you yourself are making them. And assuming that you are the man in your icon, you may especially want to take a step back: Often, black men make the mistake of seeing the problems of black women through their own eyes and co-opting the point of view and experiences of black women. If you are not a black woman, it's very likely there are scenarios you will not be familiar with because it's not necessary for you as a man to be familiar with them or worry about them. It's one of the benefits of having male privilege in the patriarchy that our world operates under.

 

If you are not, then my apologies. But, please be mindful that this IS an American site, and as such much of the time, our audience is primarily African American women.

 

Also, you should note that Kola, whether or not she is reaching, is not African American. So applying her POV to "US blacks" wouldn't necessarily be correct.

Brenda55 19723 pts moderator

 Toni_M  samoanbiscuit 

 

Could not have expressed it better.

Toni_M 18968 pts moderator

 samoanbiscuit Also, it should be noted that "white supremacy" is not a uniquely American concept nor is the ideology only felt in the US. This is a fallacy that greatly underestimates the global reach of white-dominated Western society.

samoanbiscuit 6 pts

 Toni_M Thank you for taking the time to discuss these issues at a deeper level than I was first thinking of when I wrote my comment. I come from a place where there a many different cultures with different levels of matriarchal and patriarchal dominance. Obviously, white colonialism and the introduction of christianity have swung the pendulum much closer to patriarchy now, but this was not always the case, and hopefully will not be the case in future. I did not mean to say that white supremacy is the exclusive domain of the US, rather that it is felt much less in countries like mine.

Nowhere did I say that ALL black (and brown) women in the Pacific never experience these problems, just that not all of them do, and especially in my mother's culture (which is amazingly still quite matriarchal), that sweeping statement certainly does not apply. Kola's statement, while a description of her experience, is talking about the actions of others, and so allows these others to say "Hold on, wait a minute, that surely does not apply to MY culture/country/milieu!". I think that to question my objectivity due to my gender allows me to question this author's objectivity due to her experience. Has she walked in the shoes of EVERY black woman (or black culture) on the planet? If she has not, then she should not speak for every black woman (or culture) in the world.

Toni_M 18968 pts moderator

 samoanbiscuit No problem! Like I said, people agree and disagree a great deal in these parts about the experiences of black women. The greater concern for me was actually understanding that white supremacy as it affects black women and especially where intra-racial/ethnic concerns not be underestimated.

 

But that seems to not be the case.

 

Kola can only speak for herself, and like I said, this site is largely geared towards African American women, and when we say "black" here it's generally in that context. We're certainly aware of individual truths, even if it appears there is generalization. I guess it is taken for granted at times.

 

Though, we are always appreciative of viewpoints of a global nature. It's always interesting hearing feedback from different persons.

 

Thanks for commenting! o/

 

 

sdpoets 6 pts

Black Women need to know that the man who loves you, is the man who loves you ... NOT the BLACK man or the WHITE man or whatever ... just the MAN who loves you. He can be any colour. 

 

Quote taken from 'The definition of Black'.

"Black is his ability to make the sun rise in her backyard and set only when she is in his arms.

Black are the angles her body makes as his world quakes and eruptions bring into existence a union that silences all else but the love vibrations." http://sevendeadlypoets.blogspot.com/2011/07/black.html

Oneof thegirls 214 pts

 ImaniScully LOL. I was waiting to find the comment on her. Art. #3.

arlette81 203 pts

"Black women, no matter where they exist on the planet, are the only flower among humans that perpetually grows ‘unwatered.’ She is constantly called “strong” and told: “be a strong black woman and take it like a man.”

 

not where i come from.  i have always thought that black men in rwanda treat rwandan  women  in such a respectful way even the ones living outside of Africa. interestingly rwandan women date outside of their race way more than the men. i can count on one hand the amount of rwandan men in Irr that i know.

rwanda is also the first country where women outnumber men in parliament by 56%.

 

Patricia Kayden 1673 pts

Kola,

 

You're a great writer.  Love this article.  So true that "Black communities" are Black-male centered.  Black men are on a pedestal, and their needs come first -- even before children.  But things are changing.  BWE blogs are certainly showing the way forward.  That's why although I am married to a wonderful Black man, I encourage Black women to read BWE blogs and stop playing second to no good men, including those who Black.

Bren82 1318 pts

Very good response, Kola. We as black women, are living in a society where we have to defend ourselves. If we keep our eyes open, we will be able to see the truth that there is no need to be loyal to anyone who will not be loyal to us: friend or lover.

KingsDaughter 4675 pts

Excellent piece.

Question though...is this the same person who was in the news in the Kimora/Djimon triangle? Her twitter feed was insane and it baffles me that this is the same person writing this. Seriously. Unless there's a split personality thing going on. Inexplicable.

ZANE_X 109 pts

 KingsDaughter Yep. That's the same wonderful Kola Boof. She always keeps it real. Even when she's cussing somebody out on Twitter, she comes from the heart and she don't hold back. That is why she is popular. If this book review shocked you, just read one of her award winning books. You will really be shocked.  She's more casual and potty-mouthed on Twitter. lol! 

KingsDaughter 4675 pts

 ZANE_X Her book review is not shocking. Her carrying on on twitter was cheap and embarrassing  imo  Lots of people and things are popular and her tirades may "come from the heart "  but frankly its not the kind of behaviour and attitude I stand for.

ZANE_X 109 pts

 KingsDaughter Oh I heard the first time. But I absolutely love Kola and I support her work. She is a flawed individual and is the first to tell you so. But her voice and work are priceless. She is a genius. If she were a man, people would be done forgot her outburst by now. 

KingsDaughter 4675 pts

 ZANE_X  I beg to differ but... oh well.

Brenda55 19723 pts moderator

 ZANE_X  KingsDaughter 

If she were a man she would be labeled gonzo and patted on the back Ah la Hunter S Thompson.

temple 797 pts

 ZANE_X I def agree that if she were a man, many would be chalking that episode up to "men being men" & would have moved on by now.

But i do have to add that I wasn't impressed & would not have been impressed that was a man being out of control.

But, but, also, Kola is an intelligent woman, whose priority (in my experience) has always been for the best outcomes for black women & I so respect that.

TW_562 5 pts

 ZANE_X Zane...You're beautiful and I so much love your faith and understanding in people.  If only we were all designed and figured this way.  Many folks coming from the "good book" aren't necessarily blogging as if the there is a recognition of this notion.  With that being said of course if it were I that posted such a tirade, it would have been embroidered in an excuse or some notion of "not having a good day".  

 

Thanks for your post and for taking a stand on actions which should not be trivialized in any way, not now or ever.

arlette81 203 pts

 ZANE_X

 if keeping it 'real' is being a nut, then yes she really is.

Christelyn 8896 pts moderator

 KingsDaughter Kola is an inigma. She is an onion of many layers.

KingsDaughter 4675 pts

 Christelyn   She might well be but right now she's lumped herself with a whole lot of  manipulative, attention-hungry lurid-tale celebs in my book.  I'm finding it very hard to give her the benefit of the doubt but time will tell.

Aabaakawad 1208 pts moderator

 KingsDaughterChristelyn

 

Kola is driven ... obsessed. Only someone obsessed can stand, focused, against such a headwind to relentlessly present the ideas she champions.

 

Obsession comes from trauma. Extreme obsession comes from extreme trauma. Pretty much always. Trauma also leads to compulsions, and that can be, well, ugly.

 

Kola may be more than a bit out of control, but we are not asking her to be city manager. We are asking her to be a vanguard in the effort to break free from conventions that bind our lives. Kola speaks truth to entitlement.

 

With Kola, one must forgive a lot, but it's worth it.

My latest conversation: ForumPress

KingsDaughter 4675 pts

 Aabaakawad  Christelyn With all due respect... I have tried to understand the woman to some degree but I have to stop somewhere and leave the rest to her therapist which is what I think she needs. At the end of the day I have to judge based on the fruit she's producing.

mdiva2002 250 pts

Wow! I love this post Kola words were inspirational. The one thing I love about Swirling besides being a good read, funny, witty while being highly informative is that it was the first book I have read that states you don't have to apologize for your preference for non-black men. 

 

As far as Kola telling her NBABM friend's and family to read it without much success, been there done that. I already brought the book for my Amazon Kindle but I am going to buy a hard copy and "conveniently" leave the book at my relative house knowing her curiosity will get the better of her ; )

simpleebisou 127 pts

 Wonderful post and beautifully said!  I found a similar situation on FB today. On my News Feed one of my favorite pages posted a photo featuring the men of Magic Mike with the caption:  "We've heard it more than once on the podcast that Black women should consider more options when dating....Ok." Lo and behold this set off a bit of a firestorm and everything we talk about on BBW was dropped in less than an hr.  My favorite comment being:  "Not I! Not an option. I told the Lord I would like a black man and know He is not going send me something I don't like"  Finally ending with a brotha creating his own page titled "Brothers with Others"  depicting the "non-black princesses and how much we like them more than y'all." Evidence right there in BOLD and sisters still closing themselves off only for the brothers.  Only 2 or 3 sistahs stated their open minds and hearts.  Such a shame.  We need to spread more about "Swirling" the book and the message.  I'm on a mission!

 

Here is the link or check out black is magazine on facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=396398383751461&set=a.344962178895082.85202.107230042668298&type=3&theater

keimiasmoon 1056 pts

 simpleebisou Omg I went to your link. That's crazy. He threw out the Black women hate real quick. Notice how the NBABs went silent. 

zipporah 1730 pts

@simpleebisou De Lord is gonnna give me a brother and no other when the bros are dissing these silly BW ;brothers with others;-oooh this is PITIFUL--i dont want to see it--this stuff is worldwide showing how silly we are--thank GOD though that some BW are marrying WM--the word is MARRIAGE here--hey BW-WM could have been together but not marriage (Pre Loving days)--it was called 'common law'

Law Wanxi 5812 pts

 zipporah  simpleebisou 

Not all states had miscegenation laws. Minnesota, Wisconsin, New York, Connecticut, New Jersey, New Hampshire and Vermont never had them. Washington, New Mexico and Kansas repealed them before becoming states.  

KingsDaughter 4675 pts

 Law Wanxi  zipporah  simpleebisou Interesting.

Law Wanxi 5812 pts

 KingsDaughter  zipporah  simpleebisou 

I am a vast repository of mostly crazy trivia. 

KingsDaughter 4675 pts

 Law Wanxi  zipporah  simpleebisou LOL It comes in handy now and again I see.

Black Women With Other Brothers 1656 pts

 simpleebisou That page was pitiful. Dude straight up dissed Black women then created a page about dating outside the race!! So I created my own dang page! Its a shame how brainwashed some BW are!! Loyal to men who don't give one damn about them, will say it right to their faces but they're still like "gawd is gonna send me a Black prince." 

Here is the new FB page Black Women with Other Brothers!

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Black-Women-with-Other-Brothers/180996238697983?skip_nax_wizard=true#

simpleebisou 127 pts

 DeeDeeRussell Go Dee Dee, Go Dee Dee!

Christelyn 8896 pts moderator

 DeeDeeRussell  simpleebisou Just "liked" it!

ASwirlGirl 3053 pts

 Christelyn   DeeDeeRussell  simpleebisou I "liked" it, too. SMH @ the NBABM simpletons. 

Black Women With Other Brothers 1656 pts

 Christelyn   simpleebisou Thank you!!

Black Women With Other Brothers 1656 pts

 ASwirlGirl  Christelyn   simpleebisou Thanks so much! We have to stick together. There should be zillions of swirl pages out there! Everyday should be more and more blogs, sites and FB pages!

Karla 18246 pts

 DeeDeeRussell "Liked" it and love it!

oekmama 1047 pts

 DeeDeeRussell luv it, so i 'liked' it.

eugeniaberg 7245 pts moderator

@DeeDeeRussell @simpleebisou I missed your page Dee Dee but I liked it, yea I don't understand putting a grown man'sinterest before your own. It was so sad to watch bw beg, while a bm just threw feces in their pretty much.