Time to Own It: My Mea Culpa on No Wedding No Womb 2010

Ever since I came to the blog scene in 2010, I’ve adopted a motto that has worked unbelievably well for me. First motto: You don’t have to know everything, and it’s okay to say, “I don’t know.” In a world where so many folks cling to a relentless need to give the impression that they are all-knowing, saying “I don’t know” is incredibly freeing. Second motto: Don’t be afraid to admit when you’re wrong.

This is one of those times to admit I was wrong. Several members within the BWE community warned me about including Tim Alexander (and another guy who I won’t mention because he’s not nearly as bad) in the male line up of bloggers and activists for the inaugural event of No Wedding No Womb back in September 2010. The women were concerned that Tim was a widely-accused black woman hater, and he had no place in our outreach. My concern at the time was that our lack of black men participating might give some the impression that all of us women were just a bunch of harpies. It was important to have male voices speaking up on this issue, because men listen to other men. I felt that adding male voices would add another dimension of credibility to the movement, and I was (mostly) right. A significant number of black men stepped up in that fight, including Lamar Tyler, film maker, activist and blogger of Black and Married With Kids. And also who could forget SPEECH, the lead of Arrested Development, who produced an entire song?

No doubt that without these male voices, much of the message of No Wedding No Womb would have fallen on deaf ears. I still believe black men are essential to delivering the message because they make up 50% of the conversation. I knew some people wouldn’t like it, but it was absolutely necessary to get voices outside of the BWE community to cooperate, and it’s because we did this that #NWNW was tweeted 100,000 times in one night, got and continues to get national coverage, and is a smashing public awareness success.

However, male participation can not be helpful if they use it as an opportunity to blame black women for everything, and that black boys and men are helpless victims of evil and disgusting black women who are hell bent on destroying black people. NWNW has maintained from the beginning that both males and females must take responsibility in order to affect change.

The following is a Facebook exchange between me and Tim Alexander. Please note how the conversation devolved into him accusing me of hating black men, implying I’m some evil and disgusting baby momma who had a gaggle of children before a white knight saved me, and how the other men in his woman-hating group thought I was a raging narcissist because I think something of myself. I’m sharing this with you because this is an indicator of the pathology in the black community.

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I think it’s pretty evident what Tim and his minion’s think about black women, and I wish I had had the full spectrum of that hate when I asked him to participate, but I didn’t. I was new to the scene, and had no idea. I was wrong, and I own it. For all those I might have hurt of offended, I sincerely apologize.

The Man Myth