Several of you ladies have sent me links to a few trending stories about how “mystified” some black women bloggers are about all the “hoopla” surrounding interracial dating, particularly when it comes to white men. Now normally I don’t address haterade every time it’s thrown my way because I have better things to do, like have that root canal and colonoscopy I’ve been putting off. But when the target of the ire really isn’t about me, but about attacking the message–that black women are entitled to have happy, healthy relationship choices just like every other man and woman on the planet, then you’re going to get me showing my fangs and claws.
As others have mentioned, the opposition’s message against black women entertaining all their options has become more refined, because frankly that old business about dating one’s oppressors and knocking boots with Mr. Charlie just isn’t garnering the same fear it used to. So now the new message is, “Men are men, no matter the color!” Which if you read between the lines, you get the sense that what the writer is really saying is, “You think the grass is greener on the white side of the fence? Well, it’s not! Might as well continue to eat shit with your own people and save yourself the humiliation and insult of eating a white man’s shit.” (Yes, I know not every black woman dating a black man is eating feces. I have to point that out to the simpletons who read this blog.)
The next meme-de-jour is the criticism that interracial dating books like SWIRLING and blogs are egregious in telling black women that white men, and only white men, are your romantical saviors. This especially hikes my turd-o-meter, because anyone who has actually read SWIRLING knows that not one line, sentence or phrase implies that I’m trying to establish white-men-worship as a new religion. These people are outright LYING, and the spirit of journalism does not reside anywhere near the vicinity of their conscience and/or consciousness. But I guess I should be flattered to know that some folks are so threatened by this book that they’re willing to lie and cheat in order to keep people from reading it.
Bottom line is this: Men are men, in that they all have penises, grow hair on their face, and can assist you with your procreation endeavors. But that’s where the similarities stop. All men are not the same, just like all black women are not ghetto, loud, and bitchy. All men are not the same, just like not all white people are rhythm challenged. All men are not the same, just like not all black men are criminals. Stop simplifying relationships to the point of absurdity, folks. Class, culture, values, socio-economics, and education factor into what makes a man, and you know it.
The other sub-argument is that black women don’t need a guide to interracial dating, because “dating is dating.” Uh huh. Guess we should just shutter every other self-help book out there, and while we’re at it, stop buying books on how to cook. Because hell, if you can make mac and cheese, you can cook, right? After all, cooking is cooking! Besides, these naysayers are kidding themselves if they think black women’s experiences in the dating world mirror that of other races.
I sat down with my friend, Sophia Angeli Nelson, author of Black Woman Redefined, and she had some choice words to say about this subversive form of messaging, and how the black media at large is working to continue to squash the relationship choices of black women. She’s worked for the majors–she is privy to much. Take a listen to what she says:
What I find sad about all this is how GAT-DL media seems to be invested in reinforcing black women entertaining their options as taboo, while turning a blind eye or even condone our black, male counterparts finding love outside the race. I guess the only black people who hate themselves for finding interracial love is black women, according to them.
It’s not paranoia if folks are really out to get you.