By Jamerican Queen
I’ve read many entries on how to attract a man on several blogs including this one and they seem like great pointers…until I scroll down to the bottom and read the comment section. It seems as though the flirting and points that are given seem like more work and frustration for many of you who are doing or trying the techniques offered to you; the 5 second eye-flirt, the smile, the starting a conversation, etc, etc.
But how do these techniques differ from abroad? Are they helpful? Well I can give you my experience..
My experience has been…it’s not needed. While in Korea, I believe I’ve been asked out and pursued by Korean men without having to initiate anything. You can pretty much ask any black woman who has been in Korea for a good length of time and they will tell you the exact same thing. I remember jokingly telling my friend that Korea will soon by the Italy of Asia. I could simply be waiting on the metro train and a Korean man will come up to me to say “Hi, how are you?” (I use to think they were only practicing their English with me) “You are very beautiful, can I have your number.” I mentioned before on this blog, that I was really surprised that Korean men were stepping up their game and getting out of the “I’m shy” box. This also has a lot to do with the fact that many of their teachers are foreigners so they are exposed to different kinds of beauty besides their own and Caucasians.
The same happened when I was in Thailand…I mentioned it before in a previous post where I came across some French men during my tour who kept calling me “Bella” and “Beyonce”,lol. Again, I didn’t initiate anything. I simply was a beautiful woman passing by. Even the locals in Thailand were calling me and a friend of mine who came along, beautiful.
Currently I am living in Italy and I only have a few days left. Let’s just say I don’t need to wink, do 5 second eye-flirts or any of that is suggested. I am simply just a woman. I look nice, I smile, and that’s it. One morning , I was heading towards the bus stop when an Italian man was working outside doing construction started singing loudly, when I looked over, he had the biggest smile on his face, while singing to me and then said “Buongiorno bellissima!” I thought it was cute and hilarious. Moments before him when I bought my ticket, the man who was selling them to me kept saying “bellissima, bellissima…you, me…coffee”,lol. That’s the only English he knew, but knew enough to ask me out for coffee. I declined, the man was old enough to be my father,lol. There are more stories that I have here in Italy, too many to go over. Which is a good thing.
I know lately in the BWIR blog forms that the topic of invisibility has come up. I want to say to young black girls and women, that where you are currently are in this world, is not the world. There is a whole world outside of your school, your city, your area that does not think you are invisible.
In case you had any doubt in your mind as a black woman…YOU ARE DESIRABLE! Don’t worry yourself about men who are not responding to your flirts. Simply do what a woman is suppose to do; look good, smile, and go about your business. Let the men do the work, it’s easier that way and less frustrating on your part. Whether men are approaching you or not, believe that there is a man who is memorized by you, because men are always checking out women.
I know another issue that has come up is that men are too “shy” to approach you. I understand that, but is that really your problem? Do you really know who is too shy to approach you? Remember you are an irresistible woman and an irresistible woman doesn’t have time or energy to be upset with someone who hasn’t approached them.
If it is in your nature to naturally flirt, then by all means, do so. Do what works for you. If you are not into that, but prefer to socialize, then put yourself in a socialized setting where talking will be required, but whatever you do, don’t get frustrated!
I remember a line from Tyra Banks in one of the seasons of Top Model, where she told her contestants… “Every hall way is a runway”. In other words in every opportunity that you can find, practice walking down the runway to perfect your walk. The same goes whenever you go out, even if it is to the grocery store to look your best and be that irresistible woman.
The here is a tip I will give you ladies; be an irresistible woman in your own right. Every woman can be irresistible. Whether it’s the twinkle in your eye, the way you walk, the way you smile, the way you interact with others, you can only be you. I’ve come across many beautiful black women who are irresistible in their own right.
Want more? Follow Citrina at @JQAbroad on twitter and her blog www.jamericanqueenabroad.blogspot.com
I lived in the UK after college graduation [way back in '85], and I had the BEST time in Europe. I had wonderful luck dating British guys. It was amazing! And in Ireland. They are not shy about asking black women out - to put it mildly. They don't have fears and hang-ups about it - or whatever it is that is holding non-black men back here in the U.S. And it was crazy in Italy. I had grown up in NYC, and I had never been to a country where black women were worshiped. The attention was mind-blowing. A guard outside the Vatican on X-mas morning started flirting with me, and let me [and my 2 white friends] into the cathedral. We saw the Pope go by and everything. I was ushered to the front of a ticket line, cause the train ticket seller saw me standing in line, and kept yelling "Bella" and gesturing for me to come up. I was backpacking thru Europe, so I was not decked out in particularly nice clothes, or even wearing make-up most days.
It was starkly different from the States. It made the US seem sad. It was an ego boost that I still get a kick out of 25 years later, and 10 years into a swirly marriage of my own.
- spam
- offensive
- disagree
- off topic
Like