“Every New Guy I Date Always Tries to End the Date with Sex”

Brenda says: I stopped a few men with this ploy. They were begging and trying to talk me into it and I said, “ok, it’s like this. If we have sex, it’s on my terms. We do it and once you have had your fun, you get out of my house, never call me, never speak to me, never approach me – stay away from me forever. I won’t want anything else to do with you ever in life and oh, yes, if the sex isn’t satisfying to me, I will tell you and I will tell others.”

I say: LOL, that's a wonderful ploy I bow to your use of reverse psychology. I've done that before, the let's do this but dude then leave and no I don't want your number and you're right they're always so insulted. I don't get it, why be insulted that's what they planned to do to me. I guess it's the getting got that is insulting, hurts their little egos. Well I've said before I was no virginal bride when I met my ex, didn't stop him from marrying me and didn't stop fiance from marrying me either. The pressuring for sex is bad but the cheap thing is worse, cheap men are the worst. And I don't mean wise with money, I mean cheap which is not equivalent with wise with money.

What if he had agreed?

Lol, if a woman tried this to me, I would probably go through with it, never call her again, and have a funny story for the rest of my life.

I'm curious, did any guys agree to your terms?

None did.

Then it would have been on my terms and I probably would have done it if I was turned on by him enough to do it. If not, I would have told him I didn't want him anyway and thrown him out.

Miss Brenda, you MUST open a school, or bottle your essence. Thank you, thank you , thank you for this post!

No school except for hard knocks. When I was younger I was stupid and didn't recognize lust from genuine interest. When I figured it out, I was very careful from then on. I usually passed by the men with the doggish lustful gleam in their eyes as they stared at me like a piece of meat. I knew what they wanted so I didn't get into a situation with them that required a yes or no. I only slept with men I wanted to sleep with. Most guys who asked me out I said no to unless I got that they were interested in more than Kitty.

Absolutely brilliant!!!! Perfect reverse psycholgy!!

Very true.

I'm not saying the videos need to be removed, but I am just wondering why they were even posted in the first place since they have nothing to do with the topic. They just came out of nowhere. And once again its anti AA Woman hate.

Its just like ok we get it - people hate on Black American women often times due to jealousy or feeling threatened in some way shape or form by us. next.

its obvious this girl feels increased competition for Asian mens affections based on the numbers of ATTRACTIVE Black American on Youtube showing interest in Asian males.

I don't understand why BW keep flocking like moths to a flame to this nonsense.

Neecy, I don't understand why some of us keep consuming this poison. I believe other groups of women want to feel that they're better than another group and BW are it, due to the lack of protection and respect we receive from the men of our race. You can't tell men from other races that their women aren't the most beautiful on the planet. While our male counterparts tell the world that every other race of women are better and more desirable than us.

And BW also contribute to this by not protecting our image. We just seem to let everyone step on us and not call them on their sh*t. The moment we start doing this; the B.S will stop.

There is nothing more threatening to non-BW (and I know this firsthand)than a BW who is attractive, in shape, intelligent, articulate, and cultured. Basically, when we have our sh*t together it makes them insane. Because in their minds we should never make them feel threatened in any way and when they do, watch out.

EXACTLY Liza!

I don't know if you watched the vid. But seems this ethopian/African or whatever the heck she is chick feels reeeeal green about all the beautiful and attractive Black Amerian women who are showing interest in Asian & White males. Her whole vid was like she was trying to convince AM & WM to stay away from Black American women. LOL Desperate much? No one spends that much time trying to tell others what the problem is with another group unless they are frightened of the fact that said group is successfully moving in on their once protected territory. Then when I looked at some of the vids of some of the BW who are showing interest in AM/WM, it all became clear - these were very pretty Black girls.

*sigh* I guess we're just going to have to get used to the intense hateration as more attractive Black American women start entering the IR game and causing some fear on the other sides. OH WELL. You see other races of women and even some other cultures of Black women did not have to worry about the majority or even a few of the attractiuve AA women dating outside the race for the longest - that is until NOW. Now that many more of us attractive ones are, folks getting reeeeal scared and desperate.

At the end of the day men don't listen to what other women have to say about other groups of women. This chick is spending waay too time accomplishing NOTHING. B/C at the end of the day men are visual and will ALWAYS want to be with an attractive woman.

Whatver. When biotches are hating and desperatley trying to tear you down that means you are doing something right.

I still say this stupidity should have never been given a platform.

Neecy, no I did not see the video. I can't watch that crazy nonsense. So, she is African. Isn't that something. It really gets to them that AA women are dating IR. Although, I'm not AA. It has always been quite clear to me that women of other racial groups and including non-AA black women like to believe that they are better or above AA women. I hope that AA women start letting everyone that they will no longer be taking anymore sh*t from them.

Yes she is Ethiopian or at least looks ethopian. And made it clear she wasn't talking about any other "groups" of Black women EXCEPT AA women. LOL Very telling.
Like I said AA women entering the game makes some folks real scared.

eh, another damaged black woman picking on another group of black women. Its like the light skin v. dark skin backward garbage in the black community....quite pathetic.

Its really sad Hodan. really really sad. It just makes all BW look pathetic - including her.

I can't figure out what she thinks she is going to accomplish by putting down Black American women - well whatever it is she needs to get a memo and quick. And it would read (1) Men don't generally listen to or take advice from other women when it comes to who and what they should or shouldn't find attractive and (2) a man will always love an attractive woman and THUS an attractive Black American woman will ALWAYS have options regardless of whether any other race or culture of women tries to convince men otherwise.

She might be better off spending her time losing weight and working on herself than hating on the cute/pretty American Black girls who like Asian and White men and are expressing it on Youtube.

Just sayin.....

Another thing is that, many of these other race women and black women from other cultures know that when an AA black woman has her stuff together they simply can't compete with her. I'm originally from the Caribbean and I'm totally Americanized (absolutely no accent and no real feeling of a connection to the Caribbean). So, most Caribbeans upon meeting me immediately assume that I'm an AA black woman. I can see their scorn and standish behavior towards me. But I don't care and I usually don't make any attempts to let them know my real background anymore because in the past when I attempted to, I would just get laugh at due to my non-descript way of speaking. It's just so ridiculous and moronic.

Most of these women need to get their insecurities in check and stay the hell out of the affairs of AA women.

(Link removed by Nkosazana's request.)

I'm more worried over videos like this (uploaded by the same user)... And people wonder why black women have such a bad image problem...

Why are you guys posting these videos? Unless you are trying to start something?

ok so Black American women are hated on? NEXT..

I persoanlly think everyone who hates on Black American women are JEALOUS of us. There is no other reason.

Also, I am not sure why these videos are being posted out of the blue. What connection do these videos have to the topic at hand?????

No idea really why I did it kinda just did it without thinking.. Chris remove it if you please..

Not sure why this was posted here?

true, but also women should know you are more likely than not in the category of 'one hit wonder'. Most men do not commit to or marry women who put out the 1st night. Why bother since its an indication of how normal it is for both sides. We might cry sexism and double standard....but that is like crying men have more power or get paid more in our society. We can fight to change it, but reality tells us to use these for our advantage in any way possible. In other words, use your sexual power with discretion and have more respect for your body and future plans for marriage or long term union.

Ladies, I suppose you'll think I'm "old school" but sex to me is something you build up to. Its like the last leg of a marathon. You both need to know more about each other before there can be that emotional bond. Then sex is a natural final step. I would never approach a woman for sex on a first date. I grew up with all sisters and they taught me how to talk and relate to women. I guess I was lucky because if i'd grown up with all brothers I probably would think differently. On the other hand, if what some young men tell me is true there are a good many girls out there sixteen and older who are "hot to trot." I'm told that this is the "new generation" of young adults, that I'm too old school and should get with the new way of thinking. Well, I can't seem to do it. I don't have any kids so I'll never have to worry about a daughter getting pregnant out of wedlock. But that black dietician friend of mine tells me that the OOW births in the black community is about 73%. I thought she was exaggerating but looking it up online I found out she was right. My oldest sister had a saying that "a boy will go as far as a girl will let him". Knowing human nature, I thinks that very true I guess it really up to the mother to tell her daughter to "just say no".

JJinPA

I've done diplomatic dating-it always fails. If you aren't comfortable with the relationship now, there isn't any need to go further, because it won't get better. I hate it when people tell you that you need to keep a piece of a relationship because "you're not getting any younger." Well, of course you're not getting any younger-who is?!?! I usually tell them, "You're right. He's such a great guy, but I don't think he's a good fit for me. Say, why don't you (or insert the name of a mutual friend or female relative of the person speaking to you) go out with him? I know (insert guy's name) would really like you/female friend/daughter/sister." There's usually an awkward silence, then I always respond, "That's what I thought. He's good enough for me but not for you or someone that you truly care about. Thanks for showing me how you really feel about my happiness." That should shut them up.

That Guy, glad you said that up front--that it's "quality control test" of sorts. Young ladies, are you listening? ;-)

I had a test as well before I got married.

It was called, "Don't go out with a guy ever again if he tries to get sex on the first date, even if it's just as a test."

Because any man who is using a first date as a sex test is grimy and dishonest.

Young ladies, are you listening?

@Bunny77

LMAO!!!

Right on Bunny77

touché! ;-)

You know I love ya... ;)

But hey, if young women need to know anything in this mindfield of dating these days, it's to avoid men who act like pigs and use it as their justification to find a quality woman.

Why would any sane and reasonable young woman WANT to be with a man who is "testing" her on a first date like that?

NONE of the three serious boyfriends that I had in my life (including my hubby) even got close to pulling that isht on me. When the date was over, they either took me back to my place and said goodnight or in hubby's case, walked me to my car, said he had a lot of fun and hoped to get together again soon.

They learned that I was a quality woman by DATING me and getting to know me as a person, not by subjecting me to BS and then making a judgment.

This post came from the BB&W fan page--just to put up the other side...

Richard Miller:
I didn't when I was dating. I normally tried to wait until the 3rd date in order to establish a basis for a relationship (to keep sex from becoming that basis), but women had normally beat me to it on the first or second date.

From my experience, the following appear to be the case:

1. When it comes to sex, women take "no" alot more harder than men do. Maybe it's because they're not as used to it, I dunno. But, in my experience, the #1 way to piss away a chance at another date with a woman is to tell her "no."

2. I have suspected this, and have even gotten confirmation from women that I've asked, but... regardless of whether or not a woman is wanting to have sex with a man at the time she is on a date with him... many woman are actually insulted if he doesn't at least try to have sex with her. The reason why women I've been on first and second dates with in the past may have initiated the moves is because they may have been seeking affirmation that I find them sexually desirable, which they felt they weren't getting since I wasn't initiating sex myself.

It could be entirely possible that sex was being thrown my way, because they assumed that that was what I was after, and it was their way to try to secure another date with me. Couldn't tell you.

Anyhow, just thought I'd throw this into the mix.

What Richard Miller said doesn't surprise me... I've heard WOMEN complain about a man who said he was celibate and when you ask more, you find out that all of the women's relationships usually involved them trying to "put it on" a man at a certain point to impress him with her sexual abilities... of course, none of these situations ended up developing into much and they were thoroughly clueless about developing an actual RELATIONSHIP with a man that went beyond sex.

I also saw that Richard Miller was a BM, and assuming he dates many BW, I wonder if this is another example of BW not learning the proper way to date and vet a man. These women seem to think that if a man is showing sexual interest, then he really likes her... when in fact, showing sexual interest alone usually means little.

An emotionally healthy woman would understand that it's a good thing that a man doesn't try to be sexual on a first or second date. I will say that it does help if a man does something slightly physical early on (hand on her back, holding hands in a movie theater, etc.) to at least show that he's not a cold fish. I have had the experience where I went out with a guy who seemed totally cold and yes, that was a turnoff (he liked me, but was had VERY poor social skills with women), but there is a huge range of actions one can take between doing nothing and trying for sex on the first date or two.

As usual I agree with a lot of what Bunny77 said. I also see where 'that guy' is coming from. For every jerky move many guys make with one woman, they will treat the one who puts them in their place with respect and love. So, majority of men are boys when it comes to sexual matters, you just need to learn.....No means NO. Unless you are dealing with criminally minded guys.

Word! That would be the first AND last date for me.

Thank you. Jerks that "test" me are promptly told to hit the bricks. The notion of "testing" a woman is totally BS and a clear sign of someone who isn't ready for the big leagues.

That guy,

You always come in here making these ridiculous and asinine comments. You're probably one of those WM who feels he has to "test" the BW you go out with to see if they're out to get "something" from you because you're a WM, right?

No, that would go for any race.

Anyway, its usually pretty obvious if a woman will let you have sex on the first date or not, during the date she will give off plenty of clues, its not like I or many other guys are just asking out of the blue "lets have sex" at the end of the date. To the guys that are, yeah, stay away from them.

What I mean is when I go for the kiss I might start moving my hand on her body starting someplace more innocent like her arm or just above her knee, and if she gets nervous and pushes it off, that would be it, and I wouldn't go any further. But if shes ok with it, I will escalate from there until she either stops me or we end up having sex. And even if she doesn't physically or verbally stop me, it will be obvious for any guy if shes just not into it and wants you to stop.

Example, we have a great first date, kiss at the end of it, and while kissing I place my hand on your knee then start rubbing up your thigh very gently, you then back off and say that's enough and goodnight, I drop you back off and thats it. I don't think that scenario many grown women would really find to be that creepy. Its not like I'm just going for the kiss and 2 seconds later I'm trying to unzip your pants.

@bunny

Saying you won't date a man who tests you sounds all great and inspiring when you type it on your keyboard, but in real life men and women test each other allllll the time. Whether we judge each other on what the other person is wearing, what they do for a living, their appearance, confidence level, schooling, do they pay for the first date, list goes on and on. . . why would you seriously not want to judge a woman on her sexual promiscuity when that is by far more important to a long term relationship than any of the above. This may surprise you, but guys like having sex with good looking women. Trying to have sex with a good looking woman when your single doesn't make you grimy, it just means your a guy whose attracted to good looking women.

I agree. I do "coffee" first meeting. This way I get to see (usually date off internet) who I am speaking with and how they react in a public place. I sit and talk to you long enough to see if you are on the up and up....if you attack me or sucker punch me (sneak a kiss without asking me; try to touch me; get in my space ect) then I do not like that. no second date.