Video: A BB&W Primer for All the Newbies, Lurkers & Trolls

My darling Jamaican bride and I met on AfroRomance in January, 2012.  After a couple "views", then flirts, and a few e-mails, we moved off-site and proceeded to burn up the phone lines between Jamaica and New Orleans.  By October, without having met face-to-face, we knew we had found the love we both were seeking!  I'm 56, in good health, and definitely not going to let a thousand miles of ocean keep us from being together!!  We married on my first trip to see her last December...tried to get the 12/12/12, but only about a BILLION other people had the same idea!  My first sight of her was from a balcony at the hotel as she was walking with her suitcase from the main building.  I knew even from a distance that it was her because I felt her presence.  I called out to her, and the sound of her voice carried only by the wind, unencumbered by phone lines or static, absolutely took my breath away!!  No words can describe the feelings coursing through me when our eyes finally met and I could see her gentle spirit shining within her.  All her strength, her character, and her love washed over me as we stood motionless in the twilight.  Hmmmmm....getting lost in the memory here..!

What I want to say to the other ladies here, particularly foreverhopeful and KinkyCurly7, is that you are at an age (as I am) where you've accumulated some life experience and already dealt with plenty of B.S.; and you are STILL STANDING!!  God has blessed you, and will never abandon you.  I firmly believe that it is NOT too late for anyone to find that special someone! In fact, on the Interracial Dating Central site, they recently posted one of their Success Stories of a pair in their 70's!!  As for the niche dating sites like AfroRomance and IDC, I can't say enough about how well they promote a safe, healthy environment for people who have openly declared themselves to have a more global view of humanity!  I certainly would NEVER have met my loving wife on my own without them!  And my singular efforts at dating interracially were quite disappointing, in that I would approach a woman, establish some communication, and most often, when I expressed an interest beyond something casual, they "aren't into mixing".  I got a good laugh when I looked at Christelyn's video with Matthew and she joked about having a sign on her forehead that advertised "I DATE WHITE GUYS!"  Yep! That sure woulda been helpful at times!  SO, my best advice for a productive search of QUALITY men who openly declare themselves as interested in "swirling" is to join one of those niche websites that I mentioned (and NO, I ain't getting a commission!) for your best chance of success.  God be with you always!

I'm very excited about this website! Kudos to you, Christelyn! I love it! I knew I had a preference when I was in fourth grade - Joe Green was his name LoL - he even had braces and surfer boy hair. Anyway, life led me through and dated anyone I chose to, but it seemed that more often than not those I desired weren't ready for the potential stares and whispers as you appear in public here in the South. On to college, where I did marry and have children, with a black man, not out of need to be "loyal to my race", but truly out of the love I held for this person. Now, I'm 32, a divorced & dating, single mother and my goodness it has been interesting! But the experiences I have had dating outside my race have left me with fond memories, much more so than within, so I continue I shall. I've found, while there is still resistance, there are more men opening up to dating black women and that...well, that is something to truly smile about!

Hello,  I found this website and the book SWIRLING on PINTEREST, and I find this whole topic liberating.  I am not a 20 something or even a 30 something black woman experiencing the woes of the dating world.  I am a 48 year old, single  black woman who wants to share some my life experiences with you.  I have just started reading SWIRLING, and found my story within the pages of this book.  I am what you would call the College Educated, Strong, Independent, Black Woman.  I always felt I had to take care of myself no matter what.  I did not come from a broken home but I was raised to learn how to support myself.  I did not close myself off to only dating black men.  I have dated white men as well. The latter is my preference. And, I have known this fact since I was an 8 year old kid.  Here's what I did that I hope anyone reading this will avoid.  I DID NOT think I could have it all.  My career was difficult to say the least. And, I tried to fight who I was attracted to ( white men) because I had been hurt in the past.    I thought I could not handle both a demanding career and a relationship because both are full time work.  I threw in towel so to speak and focused on my career.  At the time, (My late 30's, early 40's)  I didn't see that what I was doing was sacrificing happiness with someone special.  Now, I am trying to transition from one career into another, and you guessed it, I am alone and wishing I wasn't.  I wish I had been bold enough to take a chance on love in the "rainbeau" as it's called in the book.  A friend of mine who I hadn't seen in years asked me if what I did; working to be this big success and not having a family was worth it in the end.  All I could say was no way.  If I had it to do all over again with the knowledge I have now, I would reverse that decision in a heartbeat.  So women and men out there who are reading this be BOLD, follow your heart.  Life is about more than getting ahead to the next big promotion.  Working hard and getting ahead in order to live the life you want is great!  But, don't forget life is also  about building relationships with someone of character.  You don't want to go home to an empty house every night. You want to share your hopes, dreams and even your disappointments with someone who truly cares about your well being. I can only imagine what my life would be like now if I had opened my heart and mind more. I only hope is is not too late for me.  I hope this helps someone who is thinking about SWIRLING. Christelyn and Janice thanks for allowing me to honestly share my experience.

Hello, found this page on facebook, and I already liked it. I'm blogging about my IR experience called TheReporterandTheGirlMINUSTheSuperman! on TheReporterandTheGirl.com and I'm looking for other sites to network with and read relevant issues.

Hello All,

Christelyn, I found this site wonderful and refreshing and I decided to join in and enjoy this gracious opportunity you've provided, I unfortunately found myself widowed after 24 years of marriage, I've never considered dating outside my race until my life completely change, I was forced to look into a totally new life and direction for growth and really work at being happy. I will no longer live in my well crafted box. Thank you again and I rejoice that this site is available.

Hello folks! Since this is my 20th post, I thought my introduction was way overdue! I'm a white guy, early fifties 6' tall, 190 lbs with salt and pepper hair (to be honest it's been more salt than pepper lately). I live in northeast Florida but was born in New England and spent a four year tour in the army.  I'm single and have been dating black women for many years.  I visit a lot of websites dealing with BW/WM IR relationships. After all, logic would tell anyone that the best way to nurture an IR relationship is to learn more about keeping my mate happy. There are differences between the cultures and the more we work on it the better the chance for the relationship to survive and thrive! 

Christelyn, came across your site a few months back and just bookmarked it.  Over the last couple of days both my wife and I have been reading and lurking around.  We are are an interacially married couple in our late-late forties and have been together for many years.  Proud parents of three children and one grandchild.  It is great to see a site that is centered around the needs and interests of the blended (Swirling) community.  We look forward to reading more and sharing our experiences.

-Chris

I have been following Christelyn for a couple months on YT & told her I had been lurking on this site for a couple of weeks :))  She told me to come on over and make it official....

Hi I stumbled upon this website. I like it. I have been lurking here for a few months. I generally steered clear of any blogs or topics regarding race or interracial dating, due to the nasty trollish nature of the commenters. After seeing this site I have changed my mind, it's refreshing.

The babester is sooooo CUTE!!!!! that little 'bye bye' was so sweet. Lifelong lurker here taking a few baby steps. I feel more relaxed after seeing this vid; you seem like a lovely kind hearted person Chris, loving the eyeshadow! I found this blog last year through another blog that initially I thought was ok, but it had a more than a few male posters taking a drive down the 'black women empowerment bashing' street. If it was their intention to steer us open minded dating ladies away from you it has surely backfired on them! Well done for creating an informative and fun blog with plenty of topics to discuss. Lots of love from England xx

Hi,

I found out about your site through your book, "Swirling...".  It was a very interesting book. "Swirling" never crossed my mind as an option until I heard your interview on Tom Joyner. I enjoyed the book, and plan on putting the suggestions to work through what I'm calling a self-analysis research project. I will be sharing my new  journey with others in hopes that I can pay it forward as you and Janice have done through the book. My story mostly resembles the scenarios in your book concerning being raised to date/marry within my own race and ethnicity. As a result, the thought of swirling never crossed my mind because I carried into adulthood my mother's beliefs. In order to ease my mother into accepting my new perspectives of dating outside of my race and ethnicity, I have convinced her to blog with me during the experience so that the shock factor will be eliminated, and we can explore the generational beliefs about this issue. Thanks for sharing....

-Dr. K. B.

Unsure if I've responded to this yet. But just got around to watching the video vlog, and am glad I did. I just recently started responding, from lurkdom,lol! I did become a member of livefyre but have to find my log-in info so it's the lazy-easy route via Twitter when I get on this site. So officially introducing myself, I'm Donna aka Foreverserenity, which is my online-name. I enjoy this site and love the discussion that goes on. Trying not to be incognito all of the time, but thanks for allowing me to read and "give my two cents"! 

OK, I finally got around to watching the newbie video.  I've been a lurker for a while, having found this website via an article on another black women's website with which I was somewhat dissatisfied.    After reading the comments, following the stories and checking out the various topic areas, I decided to open my big mouth and join the conversations.

I feel I have more in common with the commentors on this site than others I have visited.  For one thing, both my late husband and my current husband were and are of the caucasian persuasion. I have found the commentors on other sites seem to feel that pursuing your own path to happiness is to be a race traitor.  I simply cannot and will not accept the idea that there is some inherent evil in either of these men as a consequence of their race. They were and are both loving, honest, hardworking professional men who have done nothing but love me and lift me up--and honored me with the offer of marriage.  What's not to like about that?

Further, the commentors on this site seem more upbeat and more in tune with my own life and experiences.  I'm probably a lot older than most of the commentors, but their ideas are fascinating. 

So, here I am, sending everyone a shout out from Vegas!

Well funny how I wound up here! How did I find myself here you may ask (or not), because I asked myself that very same question! Well, it started off innocently enough with a Google of Gerard Butler and the 300 workout plan (the film featuring Sparta & the battle of Thermopylae from a few years back) and I found it led to him and a woman named Kola Boof (whom I've never heard of before). I thought the guy was already married, but anyway, I Googled her and lo and behold it brought me to BB&W!

I was was 'sucked in' and actually had an enjoyable experience reading comments and  a good laugh at times from a lot of the posters here. Enough that I registered so that I may make a comment in here. Many intelligent and witty ladies, no matter what the color of their skin happens to be. I like women period, I don't prefer any 'type' ('Race"?! I hate that term, the Human Race is more apropos), over another, it's what's inside that counts, to state an overly used but sincere term. I just wanted to share this with you all, stay strong and keep to your convictions. Love has no color, it's a state of being and I wish you all the best in that endeavor.

~Victor