When ‘The Swirl’ Never Blends: What If Family Never Accepts the Union, Even in Death?

@Brenda55, I think you hit the nail on the head in your statement "this has more to do with the step-parent and step-children dynamic." A lot of people are focused on the interrcial aspect, but as you said, these problems can also arise in same race families when there is a step-parent as well. things can get very ugly when people just don't get along.

And as I had said in an above comment, there might be different reasons for the animosity that the children have, so I'm holding judgment on that, instead of just thinking that it is all about race in this case.

There may just be but the step kids just showed how low they can go. The man was a part of their mother's life for 21 years. He was there in sickness and in health until her death. That should count for something. While they may not have agreed with their mother's choice it would have been better to take the high ground, celebrate their mother's life and move on. They would have shown some class had they done that.

I'm teaching Wills, Trusts, and Probate for the second time in my paralegal studies course and I re-iterate this almost every week when I talk to those young and some older folks about why it's important to have a will, living will and medical directives. Cuts out all drama b/c as the spouse the children really have no say in how your wife or husband is to be buried. It's harsh but it's true.

Hey married lady,
This is good information that people here can use. As a professional any suggestions as to a good "lay persons" site that the will explain these legal documents and how they can make your life a lot easier in the long run?

There are some, most of us don't have large estates but we do have things that maybe we don't want to get into the hands of certain ppl or have certain ppl take of for whatever reasons.

You can use

http://www.nolo.com/
http://www.findlaw.com/

There are lots of books out there and form banks, were you just have doc with boilerplate language. If you have something a little more complex especially if you have minor children or adult children that need care, you may want to talk to an attorney and many attorneys do that work for a flat fee. Also there is http://www.legalzoom.com/index1m.html they will draft a will for you for a flat fee. Also most states have something that will tell you what is a valid will for your state and what is invalid and how all this estate stuff, medical directives and such work, info on storing your will and probate. For my state I put in: valid will + washington and anyone can do the same for their state.

This is not a joke it's important b/c if you don't write out this info especially a will, the state will give you a free one based on what the legislature says and it costs more in probate in time and money. Believe me and I say this to my students,I don't know what it is but when ppl die, folks will lose their minds. I've seen it time and time again especially when there is no will or directives. It don't take much to write a will most are like 2 or 3 pages, it's worth the time and little effort you expend to get business taken care of. I know we don't like to think about but everybody is going to die. And if you have close family members, figure out if they have a will and where it is.

Waw touching story...but the long and short of the story of racism among blacks is they feel justified in the act...That it is okay for BP to be racist due to the sad past of slavery...
Still it is not okay regardless of who is doing it to who...It would be hard on the heart contantly having to be angry, how do people do it...?

And people would think that b/c BP were subject to the horride past of slavery that we more than anyone would not condone that...wrong..example Rwanda(yes there is explanation of why it happenned but we are humans first..no reason to act that way)!!!

Agreed, wholeheartedly.

LorMarie, therein lies the irony. People think that the acceptance issue goes only one way. Some black people can be just as prejudiced and hard-hearted as a klan member. But I will admit in my experience, at least in my family, I've observed that the opposing party eventually comes around. This is very sad.

Chris, this is what I mean when I've told other blacks that is is ludicrous to say that it's "impossible for blacks to be racist." This is what I mean right here.

I've heard that there are black people who might exhibit prejudice behavior, as I have definitely seen, but in terms of racism, from how I've heard racism defined, black people aren't racist, because racism is defined as prejudice plus power.

Also, from reading this story and the comments, I think it's a little unfair to judge the kids so quickly. We've only gotten one side of the story, so we don't know all of the reasons why this woman's kids may have disliked this guy. Sure, not liking the interracial relationship may have been one aspect of it, but there might have been other contributing factors that we just don't know about. It's easy to just take one person's side, without knowing all of the information.

My stepdad is white, and I never had an issue with him being white, from the first time that I met him. However, there are some aspects of his personality that I just don't like from what I have observed over the Years, and some of those observations have been validated by my sister, as well. From what my sister has told me, I get the feeling that she doesn't really like him at all, but because he came into the picture when she and my brother were quite young, they all lived together, and she and my brother had to sort of just deal with some of his personality traits/behaviors. So the basic point, I am making is that sometimes we just don't know all of the contributing factors as to why people may not like their parents/stepparents and the people that come into their lives.

I hate when people use that defintion to say Blacks cant be racist.
Well, it seems like they had the power to keep him out of the obituary and they did- Racist?

GREAT point.

No he didn't and that says alot...though it makes one wonder...

Well here's a clue...Ron is white, Gloria was black, and had black children prior to their union.

Well, Chris, THAT was easy to figure out given the sheer volume of progeny...Um, not delving into stereotypes here, but...all those children and grandchildren bespoke black! (If one had to guess)

It was significant to me that he made no mention of this however. On this site I see men who go out of their way to identify themselves as white--and reiterate it. Which then makes me question how much indeed, they do LOVE blackness.

This man had no such line of demarcation between him and his former wife. Quite fascinating...