Why Does the Media Keep Running Stories About the Relationship Status of Black Women?

 Darknlovely12 I know plenty of black women like the women Chris referred to. I just don't spend too much time hanging out with them.

 Betty Boo 72% of black children are born out-of-wedlock versus about 29% of white children; 60% of unwed white women who give birth are living with the fathers of their child versus about 30% of unwed black women.

Yes, black women are making foolish choices like other women, but black women are doing so at dramatically disproportionate rates than other women. People keep talking about black women because so many black women are looking crazy to outside observers.

 TigerTheLion  Darknlovely12 That link isn't give you a rate, it's giving you a percentage.

From the article I linked:

"Broken down by race and ethnicity, the study found Asian women have the lowest first divorce rate at 10 divorces per 1,000 women in a first marriage. The first divorce rates of white and Hispanic women were similar at 16.3 and 18.1, respectively. African-American women have substantially higher rates of first divorce compared to all other racial and ethnic groups, at 30.4 divorces per 1,000 women in a first marriage."

 TigerTheLion  Darknlovely12 "Your quote is talking about first divorces."

Black women also have the lowest re-marital rates. Hence, unlike like white women, they often take (or don't even get) a second chance at getting divorced because they never remarry.

@VintageNarcissa This is soooo true. Even on the blogs it gets sickening to keep hearing that black people are this and black people are that. Whites have a lot going on. It is just kept out of the media. There is a book by Charles Murray called "Coming Apart: The state of White America. You need to get it. I have seen a few interviews regarding it. All of those who think that whites just have everything together will think twice... http://www.amazon.com/Coming-Apart-State-America-1960-2010/dp/0307453421

 Darknlovely12  VintageNarcissa No one here said that "white people have it all together". If there is any statistic that I have cited which has been wrong, please please let me know and I will correct myself. Otherwise this sounds like a bunch of "But white people are DOING IT TOO!" type of nonsense that black folks always seem to start talking whenever anyone says that black folks have issues.

I think a large part of the reason why some of these negative stats concerning black folks just keep getting worse and worse is because black people spend more time concerned about what white people are doing than thinking about what black people are doing.

 Jamila  Darknlovely12 Umm, I definitely said ... 

"And I'm not saying "they do it too" as an excuse for us. I'm saying, they know they do it and see that we do it as well, but it benefits their overall image to take the focus away from themselves."

 VintageNarcissa  As a white woman, I completely agree. A lot of this stuff is about denigrating women, regardless of colour. Like blaming women for teen pregnancies and simultaneously bemoaning the decision of some women to have their babies later because it's soooo selfish. Like they're all virgin births, right?

There are men involved in this equation, but the story is never - why are so many men complete deadbeats? It's - why are black women so bad at relationships? They are taking the victims and twisting the situation to hold the victim up as accountable and responsible for their own situation.

The lowest marriage rates - it takes two people to get married. Why is only one of them held accountable?

The highest divorce rates - I actually think this is pretty positive in one respect - hopefully it speaks of black women not putting up with shit indefinitely, but getting out. On the other hand, it does say something about the marriages not being on good foundation in the first place - but again this is a two person problem. Women/feminism are always blamed for the rise in divorces, and yet the majority of marriages are not women marrying other women.

The highest out-of-wedlock birth rates - without examining the why, this is a useless figure. Is it because the women are feckless, or the men are? And why is that women's fault? Celibacy is a great theory, it just doesn't work very well all the time in practice, and again - why is that responsibiity shunted off onto women? Can't men be celibate?

Some of the highest poverty rates - okay so we have a culture which systematically disadvantages women, ESPECIALLY black women, makes them work twice as hard for every advantage, and then holds up their lower success rate and says - Well, shit, girls, y'all suck. REALLY? How is that the fault of black women? This is not a meritocracy, and until it is, blaming people for failures which are ensured by circumstances outside their control is just ludicrous.

I do completely agree with the notion of white privilege, and I understand how it operates and advantages me as a white person. But as a woman, I can also see how gender disparity operates independently of that. Some of the shit you're getting is because you're a black woman, but some of it is because you're a woman, and women are blamed for almost everything that involves a man and a woman. We are still Eves to their Adams.

Unfortunately, when you're black, I think you get a double helping of the blame. :(

 Jehenna I do agree, some of the black women issues do have to do with the fact that we are women as well.

I won't pretend to know what goes on behind closed doors for white people, but it's not as if it's not discussed that American women as a whole have come to a point where they don't necessarily *need* to be married. Every once in a while you come across a website run by a white man complaining about how difficult American women, or white American women are and how it's better to go over seas to find a wife, similarly to how black men complain about black women. People try to talk down on Michelle Obama, calling her an angry black woman. Well, people also tried to talk down on Hillary Clinton, calling her an angry lesbian, especially after the scandal and obviously once she started to gain political power. A lot of men as a whole would love to put women in "their place." Which is why in the eyes of many, a woman's right to choose is more important than education. Because they want to force women to keep babies, but then when it comes time that baby cannot get a proper education, there is none. How much sense does that make? People want to complain about exorbitant amount of OOW babies, but they don't want to allow gay people, many of whom are in long term committed relationships to marry and adopt children. Black children are the least likely to get adopted, but everybody is running to Africa to get a baby. It's really funny how a lot of the answers to a lot of our problems are right in our faces, but we refuse to see them. But that's why sites like BBW exist, for people who actually want to listen to reason. 

 kiki100 I think black men are considered to be more of a 'protected class' than black women.

Black women are supposed to be so "strong" and we can handle whatever. (I'm being sarcastic here). Also, I get the impression that black men just aren't as concerned as group about how the negative statistics reflect upon them as black women are.

Finally, most of the money spreading amongst blacks is in the hands of black women, therefore we are the one's advertisers and the media direct their attacks/praises/products towards.

@Jamila I think it is sad that many BW don;t see themselves as worth it. Many see they have few choices so do what is around them. I still don't see a need for the WC to publish stories about BW. It's only so whites can see us negatively.

 Bunny77 "Even single white women are starting to show up more in these articles"

I've noticed a huge increase in this as well, even in conservative Christian circles this is talk about "why aren't white Christian women getting married like they used to!?"

 Jamila  Bunny77 Most white women are generally seen as 'single mothers by choice'. In the UK they do have this 'Chav' girl stereotype of lower class young white women who have mutiple baby fathers and live off benefits, but this only refers to poor white women. Whereas AA women and Caribbean in the UK are all seen as welfare queens and babymamas. 

I do notice in the UK media (and the US media to some extent) the difference in how white women are characterized based on class. The chavs get criticized for being single mothers, but it's fine for the wealthier white women to be "single mothers by choice." I don't know if they're as accepted in the USA, but they are seen differently than an equally educated black woman with the same income who is also a single mother.You might want to see this story that ran in the New York Times. These women would probably be characterized as chav girls in the UK... a lot of people here criticized these women for having OOW babies.http://www.nytimes.com/2012/02/18/us/for-women-under-30-most-births-occur-outside-marriage.html?_r=1yvonnelee  Jamila 

 Bunny77  yvonnelee  Jamila I feel overall American women do get criticized for being single mothers - or getting to the point where they choose to be mothers on their own. People will joke, oh you're a single mom, good luck getting a date, regardless of race. But black women definitely get it worst than any other culture. I feel the successful white woman who isn't married and forgot to have kids is a common theme in America. You see this play out all the time on TV. She's practically barren by the time she goes to the doctor for insemination and then starts looking toward adoption. And conversely, I feel that due to the high rates of divorce, there's a more equal amount of either non black single fathers or non black men who are willing to accept women with children. They're a lot more willing to consider the woman's circumstances, maybe she's divorced, widowed, maybe she was in a committed relationship that didn't pan out, as opposed to she got knocked up by some random loser and now she's looking for a father for her kid. On the lower class scale, I again note the Teen Mom phenomenon, that its not that people don't criticize these girls, but people are still invested in their stories and concerned about them and get so caught up in that to really fault them for their actions.

 Jamila In the Christian media there's been a lot of talk regarding a lack of eligible church-going men, etc.  I've read one or two articles conveying concern about this.

Hell, certain pastors/speakers make the so-called man-crisis a part of their regular shtick.

 R. Kamaria See, that's why I don't lend money to people, AT ALL. I prefer to directly meet whatever need it is they have (i.e. buy groceries, kids clothes, etc) and then mentally see it as a gift, so I don't have the expectation of getting paid back and if I am repaid, then it's a bonus.

 R. Kamaria Why did I just have some random black guy ask me could he 'borrow' a dollar to get into the gym yesterday? He told me forgot his ID at home and needed to buy a pass.

I looked at him and said, "Borrow? Don't you mean can you HAVE one dollar, since I will never even see you again?"

He shrugged and said, "Yeah, well you know what I mean. Can I have a dollar?"

I gave him the dollar.

 Jamila  R. Kamaria LMAO you did?!

 Christelyn   R. Kamaria Yeah, I really said that and I gave him the dollar.

If the folks crying about how I supposedly hate black men knew about half the random acts of kindness that I bestow upon black men I don't even know...

 Christelyn   Jamila  R. Kamaria 

I had a homeless guy ask me for a buck so he could buy a drink.  None of this foldeerol about food or shelter.  A buck for some booze.  

I gave him a five and told him one was for charity and the other four was for honesty and truthfulness.  He gave me a thumbs up on his unsteady way to a liquor store nearby.

 Penny I could right a book on that. I think the Black Church is lower than scum, If they sent half as much time teaching doctrine as they did teaching "money cometh" then so many sisters would be better off. But they know that by doing it, black women will keep giving them their money.

BTW "neither borrower nor lender be" is from Hamlet.

 Penny Amen!!

They are definitely weak. " its better to marry than to burn" I can't remember what chapter in the bible this came from, but it says alot.

Some of these black women who sit up in church for centuries with no husband sometimes become booty calls for married men in the church. I personally know of a situation like this that is happening. The woman in question also started going after barely legal young boys ( 19 year olds, while she was around 28). The rumor was every where and she looked quiet desperate.

Women have desires just as much as men. Just because you are single doesn't mean your sexual feelings go away. Unless you can control yourself enough to not fall into pre- marital sex, then you need to marry.......because according to the bible you'll end up in hell.

 You might like reading this....http://books.google.com/books?id=YSdSbqp0HHgC&pg=PA96&lpg=PA96&dq=high#v=onepage&q=high&f=falseAJ2011 

 Bunny77 That was classic Ebony. 

 Bunny77 I'm want to write more about this tmwr. I want to use my critical analysis and application with this one. 

 EliseYMason I get what you're saying about the double-edged sword part. On one hand we have to continue to have the discussion if we want things to change, on the other hand being under the microscope can be uncomfortable and embarrassing.

I think the key is to highlight the positives--and there are some positives--in order to offset the shock of the bad stuff.

 Jamila  Please elaborate...

 AJ2011 I think it's about having a balance. If there is too much bad stuff then people will tune out or get that deer in the headlights look because they don't know what to do about a situation. It can be draining to constantly hear about a problem when you don't know how to fix it. So you have to provide some positive viewpoints just to keep a person's spirit up so that they have the will to move forward and hear the bad stuff.

There has to be mix. Too much bad and people tune out. Too much "yeah, everything is wonderful!" and people won't be aware of just how bad a situation is until it's too late.

 Jamila The Goldilocks Compromise. 

 AJ2011 

對吧? What?  I googled "The Goldilocks Compromise" and got a little girl and bears.  What is "The Goldilocks Compromise"?  

 Law Wanxi  AJ2011 Just the general concept of too much vs. too little vs. just right.