Your Humble Hostess Calls Foul On Ancient New Papa, Robert De Niro

amazing and very nice post. I like it so much.

Why do people always cast condemnation on grown folks lives? Why do people with kids or who dont want kids are the first to say NONONO to older parents? First of all congrats to them in their decision making process to have kids. It seem the the DiNero's planned this regardless of the womb carrier. I think the greatest joy of parenthood is knowing you have the resources to look after your childen. Young people have children and some of them dont have the financial or emotional stability to look after their kids.

I want to clear something up. When it comes to the subject of older parents having children, I do not think it is wrong to consider how that will affect said children, even though it might make the parents extremely happy to have them. Asking how it will make those children feel to lose their parents due to old age is not wrong, and should not be taboo, nor should it be taboo for children who have loved through such scenarios to talk about how it has hurt them. Christelyn, I am very sorry for the pain being in a similar situation has caused you. My misgivings about this are how it looks for a man to have several children from several Black women and what message that will send to young Black girls, and Black women in general, after the normalization of that in the Black community has caused so many Black women so much pain.

This has been a very interesting thread! Lots of interesting points of view, and I REALLY enjoyed the article that Knockoutchick posted. So I see it like this... I don't inherently have a problem with older people choosing to bear children. Every time I've seen a story that has made me turn up my nose with the basic details, having a chance to hear what the older mothers and fathers have had to say about being parents has made me change my mind. I know a man who remarried and he didn't want kids. The new wife, while younger than the old wife, was still in her late 30s and didn't plan to have kids. Well, she got pregnant, and the two are happily raising their little girl. The dad says he now has the chance to be the type of father he wasn't to his older set of children because he was too immature to understand the awesome responsibility involved in being a good husband and father. The little girl brings such joy to his life, and I can tell he's a better person for it.

However... ALL THAT BEING SAID... Christelyn is right that what's ultimately best for the child is NEVER brought into the discussion. Honestly, we don't know what's best for the kid in every situation... that's an individual experience. But more and more children who have been born of older parents and/or through reproductive technology are starting to speak out about how it sucked to have older parents who were in poor health or how it feels to have a sperm donor dad that they might never know. I've been stunned by the hostility I've seen these kids (now adults) receive for daring to speak out about how it wasn't all that cool to not know their biological parent(s) and the pain they have felt because of it.

All that supposedly matters to a lot of people, I've found, is that one or two adults "wanted" a child. Forget whether or not it's a good situation for the resulting child, and how dare that ungrateful child speak out about how he or she feels pain over the circumstances of his or her life. I could never tell someone to NOT have a child, but I'm also not on the "oh, they're rich, they have nannies, they really want a child, so what's the big deal?" train either. I know nothing is going to change, but I wish more would-be parents in this situation would give more thought about the needs of the potential child they're creating in addition to their own desires.

Like Chris, I'm really surprised by people here who keep mentioning, "The child won't want for anything" as a reason not to be concerned about the parents' age in this situation. Mostly it's because, this is the same type of reasoning I've seen on the Black gossip sites when some rapper, e.g. Lil Wayne, announces that he's having yet another child. Even though every child needs a safe, functioning home one that's less than 1,000 sq ft can shelter them just as well as a 10,000 sq ft home. It's not all about the money. I know each of you have heard of wealthy folks that were raised by nannies and all kinds of other household help, but still yearned for attention and affection from one or both of <b>their parents</b>. You cannot give that to a child if you aren't around.

I know that there are some, such as Tony Randall, who yearned for children for many years yet weren't able to become a parent until very late in life. Well, Tony probably went to his grave happy about finally being a father at around 70 years-old. Will the 2 children who were toddlers when he passed away have happy memories about having a (biological) father? Most likely not. In most of these situations it's about the adults finally being able to fulfill a dream that they've had. People think that children will turn out OK with being passed from one set of parents to another. I guess that they should thrilled with the fact that they were the product of their deceased parents' dream.

If I didn't know a few people who lost their parents when they were young yet are still hurting BADLY 20 - 30 years after the fact, I wouldn't have an opinion. Becoming a parent to a newborn at 60 or 70 years of age poses to a higher risk to the child of losing one or both parents to death or some age related disease. Imagine a school aged child "losing" a parent to dementia or Alzheimer's.

Just have to mention how absolutely GORGEOUS Grace is.

Part 2 I too am a Robert De Niro fan and have kept up with him for many years. I remember his then girlfriend Tourkie Smith and her wanting children and then came the twins through surrogate. Before her Mr De Niro was married to Dianne Abbott. Then he married his current wife Grace Hightower. He provide for his children. I am sure the baby will be fine. But I do understand where you are coming from. Robert DeNiro is my favorite actor

and care nothing about what others think about his choice in women (BW) in a country that is so backwards. Christelyn to you my fellow black sister hang in there. Right now you are still having to get over the lost of your dad and now you are trying to get through these times with mom,your comforter,your closest friend,adviser and your backbone. Btw you must believe and trust in God and please remember to do just that.

Part 1 To Christelyn, first I would like to say, your mom is and will be in my prayers. I know she is ill,going through chemo and know this is very difficult for you and your family. I pray to God that she recovers and he gives her many more years on this earth.This has to be a rough time for you. The idea mom is sick and your father as you mention on another topic has been gone for 2.5 yrs now, which is not very long ago. He being older than mother. for you an older father who died at about 80+ years. You had an older father and he is now no more. These moments in your own life and Robert DeNiro's (Grace) age and new baby. Reminds you of your situation. The child will not enjoy dad.

This smarts. As most of you know here, I am half-Italian, so I have always felt a kinship with Bobby over the fact that we both love us some sistas. I can understand where Christelyn is coming from, and some shine has been taken off of my admiration/liking for the man now.

hmmm... deja vu all over again. From Jet Magazine 1995:

<b>Restaurateur and actress Toukie Smith and her former boyfriend, actor Robert De Niro, are the proud [new] parents of twin boys. ... Although the couple's relationship ended several years ago, they "obviously still have a very strong bond," said Andrew Freedman, Smith's spokesman. The twins were conceived through modern fertility techniques [in vitro] and were carried by a surrogate mother.</b>

In another source, She talks about how she wanted children despite being single, and decided De Niro would be an excellent father. He agreed to donate sperm and support the child[ren].

I would just like to say that having younger parents does not guarantee that a child will not lose both parents before the age of maturity. I lost both of my parents within 4 years of each other (cancer and stroke) and my 5 siblings and Iwere orphaned. However as a woman who became a mother again at the age of 41, I do worry about neither of us being around for him to reach adulthood. My son is now 7 and I spent the past year fighting breast cancer.

In this case I must say b/c these are old rich ppl it's okay but that doesn't mean he takes care of himself b/c he's rich. That's an inference but older rich ppl got better doctors. I'm sorry ppl are not mutants, lots of things happen as u get older besides you may have health issues, ppl may develop diseases like Alzheimer's something to think about. Now I'm quite sure since these folks are rich they'll probably have a baby nurse and nanny. Something middle income and poor folks can't do so if you're wealthy u can do stuff some of us peons can't do and it's okay whether it's okay or not. I'm sure his kid will be well taken care of whether he's alive or not but it sucks to lose your dad especially as a youngster. I'm sorry he won't live forever, I know ppl don't like to think about death but it happens.

http://www.celebitchy.com/8500/tony_randalls_widow_talks_about_their_50_year_age_difference_active_sex_life/

I will express an opinion about having children as an older person. Much has changed in health care over the years and we now know that a person can be vibrant and active much longer than originally thought. Much of what we feel is aging is really deconditioning and the results of immobility. Taking care of oneself nutrition and activity wise goes a long way to keeping the grim reaper away. Keeping engaged mentally and socially and sexually does this as well.

My husband and I worked in Geriatric medicine for years we saw what the lack of exercise and mental and social stimulation could do to a person. Ever wondered why some seniors looked younger than others? It has more to do with staying active, eating right and having companionship than good genes. I really believe that we will be seeing more couples like the one we are discussing. One's fifties and sixties today are not like they were twenty years ago. People in that age range who take care of themselves are living much fuller lives and that includes sex and children. That last third of ones life can still be an adventure.

I think that people like De Nero and his wife just feel "good" enough to attempt the have a baby at their age. They certainly have a lot to offer in the way of resources and life experience. Personally if you had told me that I would be riding on the back of a motorcycle at age 57 with my 69 year old husband I have told you you were crazy but I am out there doing the biker babe thing on a regular basis. And there are a lot of us "white hairs" doing that. Hubby and I have gotten into cycling and have decided to learn how to speak French in preparation to a trip to Paris we are planning to take. I have potentially another 30 to 50 years of life a head of me. I intend to live every bit of it. What I am saying is that life is not over until you take your last breath and for some having a kid may be part of making the most of your life.

Congrats to them! I want more kids too! (i think..hahaha)

I am curious if he married the other women or what. I don't know much about his life. Anyway, if they have the energy, love and resources then cool!

Chris, you know I'm very fond of you, but in this case I think maybe you've crossed a line that you shouldn't have. De Niro may be 68 and have a daughter 40, but keep in mind that he and Hightower are many time over millionaires, as well as being world famous. All of their children are going to have wonderful lives and not want for anything. Instead of leaving an inheritance to one or two kids, why not make six kids happy and independent. From what I understand, De Niro has a special love for BW. He's enriching the lives of a number of IR kids. Give him just a little bit of a break. And to be honest I'm not all that far away from his age myself And while I wouldn't mind having children now, I'm not certain its possible. Eggs aren't the only things that get old. If I could leave a IR kid of mine a pile of money so he or she could live the good life..............well why not.