How to date, mate and relate. Mixing race, culture and creed.
What defines a BLACK woman?
Somehow you have found yourself in the center of someone else’s bull’s-eye. And it’s a big one. Big enough to focus on you and the millions of people around you. But what’s this? You find that if you move out of the center of that aim, you are less likely to get hit. Keep moving, and you reach a place where you might not get hit at all. What is the logical solution then? To keep standing there, indistinguishable from all other targets, or do you get your behind out of the line of fire?
If you don’t already know this, there is a factoid I would like to share with you: You don’t get to tell other people what to do with their thoughts and feelings just because you happen to have something in common. That thing in common may be that you share the same ethnic group or are also an ethnic minority. Whatever it is, that small item does not entitle you to step on a soapbox and speak for all “persons of color, no matter their shade, language, culture and situation in life.”
And here is the promised final part to a rather touchy subject. Just like how not everyone may have agreed with the observations made in the first two parts (here and here, for those who missed it), there is likely to be controversy over what follows. Note: You are perfectly within your right to agree to disagree. (Let’s just let’s all please keep it civil and on topic. No derailing or attempts to shut down discussion!)
Pride is “feeling or deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one’s own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated, or from qualities or possessions that are widely admired”. Pride only becomes evil when it becomes excessive. The sin of pride; the deadly sin that is vanity.
The term godspeed literally means “an expression of good wishes to a person starting a journey”. What kind of journey? In my case, a journey to the realm of “I have nothing further to say to you, so goodbye and good luck!” This can be regarding a specific topic or it can simply mean I have nothing else to say to that person ever. But more often than not, it simply means we’ll agree to disagree and that’s the end of it.
To some people, you are a hardened, non-feminine creature and a workhorse until proven otherwise. And even when you’ve attempted to establish you’re anything but, the stubbornly unconvinced may try and use situations and circumstances to “test” you. To bring the “angry strong black woman you REALLY are” to the surface.
Why do black men continue to come up as a topic in non-black male-oriented spaces such as this one? The first part broached the issue, giving people the chance to weigh in with their theories. Some were accusations and others, justifications. In truth there were a fixed set of reasons that I had in mind when I wrote the first part, which will now be discussed in full…
There was NEVER a topic harder to discuss among those who champion the rights of black women or relating to one another as black women. I think this one might be harder to bring up than weight. If she is acknowledged to be damaged, it can pretty much only be in relation to men in her life and not in her own regard. Somehow, taking black men out of the equation means the kid-gloves come out. But knowing what I know of DBR black women, this is a curious decision.
The reason some black women are so absolutely desperate to defend and uphold DBR black men at their own expense and that of other black women is the need to be loved and validated by ALL black men. Apparently even the ones absolutely not worth their time and energy.
Do you have personal boundaries? Do you have a set of rules for what is required of a person to pass beyond your boundaries? If the answer is no, stop and FIGURE OUT what you need to do to go about constructing mental, emotional, and physical boundaries for yourself.
I am not going to sugarcoat this for the black men who may be reading this who have no problem letting women handle their business as a man: When you desire to have a woman fight your battles, you have effectively surrendered your manhood.
Welcome Toni, a long-time BB&W Crew member as our newest Senior Contributor. What’s she covering? Well, whatever she wants. But mostly women’s empowerment.