Sometimes when black women say they are moving forward, they are instead stalling themselves by continuously looking back. Someone wisely referred to this as the “pillar of salt” type of woman. And when I heard about the whole advice letter situation where someone wrote in about verbal abuse during sex, I had to shake my head. It was an unpleasant thing to read to be sure and any woman enduring some form of abuse is sad and unnecessary. There is the unpleasant (but not surprising) possibility that the letter was Willie Lynch-fake and yet another okey-doke aimed at black women moving on to interracial relationships.
But more than anything, it seems that black women love nothing more than wasting their time handwringing about what black people who hate them are up to and think about their lives.
I’m going to talk about this more in the upcoming “acceptance” post, but I have to say it’s disturbing to me how many women in BWE and BW-centric spaces are emotionally invested in what people who hate them think about their decisions. For example, do you know what I love about “Black Women With Other Brothers?” Not only does she keep her space free of trolls, but she makes it clear 100% that she does not emotionally invest in what haters think. If anything she points and laughs. This can be upsetting to the delicate sensibilities of persons who try and preach empathy and understanding towards haters. (Wuh?) But however you handle it, there is one common theme: A noted lack of “give a damn”.
And this is simply the attitude you are going to have to take if you wish to avoid getting caught up in the wave of okey-dokes, because as Evia pointed out, we are in for a loooooot of them. More insidious and sophisticated than ever. And from all sides, as there are a great many individuals and groups who are invested in the mammy-muledom, fear, and social immobility of black women.
It’s harder on some black women than others. Particularly those looking back repeatedly to see if the Guardians of All Things Dark and Lovely (TM) approve of them yet, have “come into the 21st century” or are willing to give the same benefit of the doubt that black men who date interracially automatically get. In other words, these black women are on some level emotionally waiting to be granted freedom and released from the black community.
Well, let me save you the trouble: IT IS NEVER EVER GOING TO HAPPEN. THE COMMUNITY WILL CRUMBLE TO THE GROUND FIRST.
The relationship black women as a whole have with the black community is an abusive one, akin to the abuser saying, “If you try to leave me, I will kill you.” Black women leaving are finding themselves emotionally threatened (you won’t be black anymore, you’re going to be sorry, etc.) or even being physically threatened by angry jealous black males. Sometimes the disapproval is fatal. The verbal abuse you endure for stepping out of line should also be obvious. Just look at the response to this “letter”.
So many people are wrapped up in whether or not this letter is real. Well, let’s consider for a moment that it IS real. What does the typical black response to it tell you about the mindset of black people when it comes to black women? I usually advice against this, but go take a look at the response in the black blogsphere. Look at the smug articles and abusive commentary. Look at the noted lack of support and wishing of even more terrible things to happen to this black woman. Observe the people getting their life from a black woman in pain.
I really couldn’t care less whether or not the letter is real, though if it is, I hope the woman in question gets herself together and leaves immediately. The major takeaway for me personally was the commentary, and so it is for any sensible black woman. Because the letter can be fake, but the hateful response from black people? All too real and all too predictable.
GAT-DL black people continue to make their hatred of black women known far and wide. As such, nothing has changed: A single glance backwards will tell you that it’s another day at the office working for The Empire. Emperor Kneegrowplease is still executing various orders in an attempt to awaken some latent form of indoctrination to keep sensible black women from leaving and taking their resources with them. These are not the droids you are looking for and all that.
Nothing has changed, ladies. So keep it moving as far away from these persons as possible. The more noise they make, the more you know you are doing something right.
STOP being overly invested in what the clowns in Trolladelphia are doing, because they want your full attention in order to steal as much of your joy as possible.
GO and get your life, and let go of the nasty habit of continuously looking back to check the “State of Hateration”. These people have no power that you don’t give them yourself.
Being aware of the tricks and attempts at manipulation sent your way is certainly a must, but this doesn’t require you get angry or fearful. Simply side-step these persons and keep walking. How emotionally invested you become in the efforts of black trolls is often an indicator of how far removed you actually are from these constructs. If they have the ability to tap into a high level of your emotion, you are NOT free. It’s as simple as that.
Want to be free? Go on with your life and leave the hating fools to their devices.