“All My Baby Mamas”…Well, What Do You Expect When You Try to Normalize Dysfunction??

“All My Baby Mamas”…Well, What Do You Expect When You Try to Normalize Dysfunction??

This morning I got wind of yet another ratchety reality show, this one centering on the misadventures of a black male seed-spreader with 10 baby mamas and 11 children. Frankly, I’m surprised it took Hollywood this long to poke fun of and put on display the dysfunction that is rampant in the black community, with fatherless children pissed as hell and black women who think they have no other options for a family than to become brood mares for non-committal partners.

Author : Christelyn Karazin

Author's Website | Articles from

This morning I got wind of yet another ratchety reality show, this one centering on the misadventures of a black male seed-spreader with 10 baby mamas and 11 children. Frankly, I’m surprised it took Hollywood this long to poke fun of and put on display the dysfunction that is rampant in the black community, with fatherless children pissed as hell and black women who think they have no other options for a family than to become brood mares for non-committal partners. Here’s the skinny:

From Shadow & Act:

Oxygen Media has ordered what they’re describing as a “daring” (according to their press release) new 1-Hour special titled All My Babies’ Mamas, which will premiere next spring.

The project will center on the complicated lives of one man, his many women, and their many children.

Further… the series which comes from creative duo Liz Gateley and Tony DiSanto of DiGa Vision…

… will capture the highs and lows of this extreme ‘blended family’ that is anything but ordinary, while also showing the drama and the passion behind life’s most unexpected situations.

 

From Vibe.com

In the first episode of “All My Babies’ Mamas,” the Atlanta rapper (Shawty Lo) flips the TLC polygamy drama “Sister Wives” on its weaved head and reveals how his 10 baby mamas, 11 children and one girlfriend co-exist under one roof. Each baby mama carries a specific title while the “Black Hugh Hefner” handles his business. But can he keep them all in check?


All My Babies Mamas FINAL 10.1.12 by dm_50db96d297d08

He looks so proud of himself, no? This is the answer to “Sister Wives?” Please. While “Sister Wives” is viewed as rare and definitively shunned by whites, multiple baby mamas is the norm in the black community. The only difference is that he’s got all his “ho’s” under one roof so we can all watch in horror while they all eat each other.

Oh my God in heaven, it tears my heart right out of my chest that these women think this shit is so normal. The seed-spreaders ought to be ashamed to behaving lesser than men, but when this mess happens 80% of the time, there’s not a whole lot of shame and guilt going on. Meanwhile the kids of these transient unions are pissed as hell, underperform in school, get knocked up early and often, often get into the prison system and die early. It’s become so normal that there are those who say that the constraints of marriage is “patriarchal oppression and respectability politics.” Ugh. In a never-ending attempt to defend the indefensible, we have writers like Tamara Winfrey Harris, who wrote in Bitch magazine about the woes of black women and the constraints they feel about being respectable to society by supporting procreating with the benefit and protection of a father around. She compares how the multiple pregnancies (and multiple daddies) of Erica Badu and the announcement of Jay Z and Beyonce’s little bundle was received by the public in two distinct ways–Badu was basically seen as a brood mare for the black community and was given all the “respect” that comes with that title, while Beyonce was widely praised for procreating within wedlock to give her child the maximum opportunity for success with the benefit of both parents.

I swear, as much as these rabid feminists wish all men would just die, it does the child no damn good to be brought into situations like this. It’s wrong. It’s amoral. It’s damn selfish. Refer to the clip I posted, you’ve got different mamas complaining that their children aren’t been treated as well as another mama’s children. Honey, did you think you were gonna be SPECIAL?! Newsflash–YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL. IF A MAN WANTS YOU TO HAVE HIS CHILD WITHOUT THE BENEFIT AND PROTECTION OF MARRIAGE YOU ARE A BROOD MARE. You will be treated accordingly. Please stop listening to feminists who want to green-light this behavior for others, but would never DREAM of doing so themselves.

And for the men you think what makes a man is a seven-inch cock that functions, you are not men. You are selfish boys with no conscious or self-control. You are WEAKLINGS. You are not thinkers. You are worthless. You leave your children to twist in the wind and blame the mothers for it all. You are cowards.

As the black community continues to rubber stamp destructive behavior and lunacy, don’t be surprised when the main stream media makes your coonery the laughing stock of reality television. And remember, they’re laughing at you, not with you.

And if anyone takes issue with me calling black single mothers like the ones featured in that sizzle reel “brood mares,” I don’t give a crap. Don’t expect respect from others when you won’t have any for yourself.

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zipporah 1728 pts

I'm soo glad I didnt see this video: STEAM would be coming out of my ears like a 'cartoon'...LOL

zipporah 1728 pts

One of the reasons IMO we are having too many 'reality shows' is, people ARENT READING THE CLASSICS so they dont know how to write good literature and scripts. Even Jesus was a good story teller, we have to get back to the DRAWING BOARD on telling a story--instead of having a CAMERA in your face a certain amount of day--it seems PHONY anyway--

Jay9 5 pts

hmmm i find this wholly problematic as a piece. 1. i'm a feminist and I do not wish men to die at all. What I do wish for is for men to understand the status they have in soceity and more so as a black woman to have loving relationships with black men whether romantically, platomically or familial. I notice that the vast amount of this article blames the woman with the exception of a paragraph of calling men out on their behaviour. Its thinking like this in our community that allows men to get away with their irresponsible shit, lets cast the blame on to the woman and the man can get little finger wag of dissapointment. I don't there is nothing wrong in women i.e. Miss Badu having 3 fathers for her children - from what it appears in her life she was at one point in love with these men - and lets note this -  THEY left her for what ever reason. As with most women in her position she is left with the main responsibility of child raising. I'm sure we know of many other Erykah's who do have more than one "baby-father" but are the most amazing mothers and thus their fathers may be or not. BUT  by appropirating termonlogy of "baby-father" or "baby-Mother" "broad mares" does NO ONE justice but limitis and undermines their capabilities as parents and humanbeings.  WHAT we need to be doing is taking responsibility for our community by showing the  was it ought to be done by condenming.

Avoc42883 1226 pts

Its interesting that interracial relationships are often blamed for the lack of generational wealth amongst blacks in the United States, when in reality its folk like him that are the problem.

SwirlQueen 990 pts

3 words: "Oppan GHETTO Style" Horsey dance anyone? 

Seenyc 786 pts

I laughed out loud at that even though I'm so sick of that dang song! LOL!

zipporah 1728 pts

Even Ms Heartbeat had something to say about this one, about how BM want BW to do such and so for THEM, and ask THEM how much money SHES got, and how BW are being too easy with them, and then BLAME BW for 'golddigging"--i bet shes not surprized.

melissamak007 230 pts

I am reading now that there may be an online petition to stop the show. It may be too late...

SwirlQueen 990 pts

 melissamak007I signed it.  Don't know how much good it will do though.

 
melissamak007 230 pts

 SwirlQueen I did too... From what I read, a lot of people needed resuscitation after learning about this "show".

Hallyu Love 317 pts

This is a shame. I don't know if this video was posted yet, but I find it sad that in this video here  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uSWJc7Dar3A  Shawty Lo is proposing to his girlfriend who is now just the baby mama in charge and now has a 19 year old girlfriend the same age as his eldest children. Now how do you allow yourself to go from fiance to just baby mama. SMH

Comments are funny. Aren't you people at all shocked that a white network okayed this? Oh he old US of A where blacks are once again a laughing stock. To think they did this without flinching.

DeepWater 2464 pts

Cheryl:  I am, deeply shocked.  Oxygen was owned by Oprah Winfrey (researching now) and I'd think she'd not allow this mess on one of Harpo's properties (Dr. Phil, Dr. Oz, Rachel Ray along with OWN).   I agree with you that this, imo, is foul.   That its o.k. to show a pedophile (impregnated girl-women at 17, 18, 19) and pretty much all within short-time period (look at the kids, not far apart in ages by looks anyways) and have these girl-women metaphorically bowing to him while he appears as a minstrel coon, not nice to say, but true.   I am shocked that this was greenlighted and o.k. to sell to advertisers and that said advertisers would want their name attached to this, as you young folks, ratchedness.

Brenda55 19551 pts moderator

 DeepWater The age of consent in Atlanta Ga is 16.  So Mr. Wonderful (gag, snark)  is not a ped.  

Toni_M 18882 pts moderator

 Brenda55  DeepWater :|

DeepWater 2464 pts

 Brenda55   Well then, this is unfortunate.   I don't know, even at 16 years old, that  I'd not have seen this as a MAJOR red flag.   I mean, really, a harem?  With this dude?   Really?     Maybe coming from the devils' advocate side, I can't conceptualize a loving two-parent household myself, of which that idea was destroyed early on in my life, such as these girl-women here, so the point being is how can these girl-women see that this "arrangement" is seen as "love"?.     After seeing this video some of these ladies do seem somewhat intelligent.   However I cannot understand how anyone would see how this plural hooking-up situation would benefit anyone, let alone, small children whom are highly impressionable.  It's not rocket science that this would lead into more derelict behavior and dysfunction and would be normalized to and by these children in their immediate and far futures.

 

These children will grow up to learn that its o.k. for a man to dog out women and for women to usurp what she can (scamming) from potential suitors (tricks?).    Again, not nice to say, but, unfortunately, all true.

tracyreneejones 3589 pts

 DeepWater  Brenda55 The more I look at it, this reminds me of what I call the Pimp/Ho philosophy.....I'm gonna try to write about it. I need to use words that make sense to me. It's the only real way I can explain it. It's quite hilarious actually...

DeepWater 2464 pts

 tracyreneejones  Brenda55 You know, TRJ, I thought about this madness for a minute in relation to your pimp/ho philosophy and the twist here is that as opposed to sending the girl-women out to work the streets as a pimp would they now serve him personally.as serfs to "The Black Kang".  I wonder what would happen should one of these girl-women get smart and decide to leave serfdom?   It's an inverted pimp/ho situation, bizarre to me, indeed.    I mean does he support these ladies, all 10 of them and his children by them?   Because this arrangement would almost be cost prohibitive, these "girls" and their children require sustenance.   And, lastly, if there's (continued) sex between him and them what about STDs?    

 

One giant mess to me.  

zipporah 1728 pts

Sweetie, they wouldnt be SHOWING THIS if they werent afraid of BW, who are waking up, and getting with ok WM, they wouldnt have had the nerve to show this before now. The BWE groups are making headway.

DeepWater 2464 pts

This is my idea of a family unit.

 

http://photos.extratv.warnerbros.com/galleries/obama_family_photos#521944

 

and a MAN, husband and father (with a REAL career), not just any ole male, who just happens to FOINE as heyall,    Someone like this man is my dream for real.  Mmmm, hmmm.

This comment has been deleted
dawnderer26 5 pts

 reem11  DeepWater Family units can consist of anyone and everyone. Also, not all parents are male/female. Some of us have grown up in loving homes with same sex parents, parents of two different races and/or religions, with extended families, single parents, etc. The Obamas are only ONE type of family.  Just my two cents.

Brenda55 19551 pts moderator

MODERATOR'S NOTE

Can you cut me and  your fellow commentators some slack when you post and break your thoughts up into clear and distinct paragraphs?  I am not calling out names, but you know who you are.  It happens often but the worse offenders today have been in this thread. 

 

My eyes thank-you.

Jamila 7245 pts moderator

I just want the new girlfriend to see how valuable she is, how beautiful she is, and how capable she is of getting a man who is WAAAYYYY better than Shorty-Lo before she winds up pregnant and becomes another baby mam. 

greengirl7 330 pts

**Off Topic News**

 

There is a brand new BW/WM romance/murder mystery series called "Deception", it airs Monday, January 7th on NBC.

They're showing the pilot episode on NBC's website: http://www.nbc.com/deception/video/pilot/n30467/

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FrZWgz8Dyls

keimiasmoon 1035 pts

The video was leaked so it was taken down at that site. You can watch it on Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ul9-ZiCnaYc (Will probably be taken down as well, but it's spreading.)

 

I think people who are talking about feminism should watch the video first. It's sad. I don't know how any feminist can support a 19 year old "girlfriend" being made to clip the funky toenails and clean the earwax of her older "boyfriend" while he eats chips in bed. Someone mentioned on another site that all the women he meets are around ages 17-19. I think he's a predator and knows how to catch them when their young and looking for love. 

DeepWater 2464 pts

 keimiasmoon   This is a shame.   Ain't enough game on this planet that would get me to even speak with that individual let alone give him the time of day, forget about babies.   Dude is a pedophile, straight up that simple.    And they all livin' together?   Heyall to the nawl.   And the "bougie" one says she doesn't like being referred to as a "baby mama", my question is did you even vet this man, at all?  When he told you I got X children mamas why wasn't that thought about beforehand?   That wasn't enough to scare you away, it would me.  I'd run screamin' for the hills, lol.    It's almost like a sick twisted gameshow on oneupsmanship of whom is the priority baby mama?    SAD.  SAD.  SAD.

 

Shawty Lo needs to get with that Warren Jeffs dude (in prison for sex with under-raged minor among other crimes against girls and women)  from that Utah LDS family clan commune where this mess is accepted.    Like another commenter (cocoa something? a long ways back in the comment que) here said this mess (as in Greek tragedies) should be shunned.   

torgodog 77 pts

I don't watch reality television, and this is just another good reason why.  Sell your soul to TLC and forget about the GED.  Yessir, TV will transform your life better than a winning lotto ticket.  You'll have fame and money and all the free stuff sponsors can provide and promote.  But class?  Yeah, maybe if the producers think that would make a good narrative.  Respect?  Listen, VH1 found out that cat fights make the audience happy, so learn how to binge drink and find a stunt wig, bro-kay?

 

Seriously, if you want to watch entertaining reality television with good role models then you should start subscribing to YouTube vlogs.  Vlogs are actual reality programs.  There are some funny, pleasant everyday people who actually share something pleasant with their audience.  The Nive Nulls are a great vlog to follow.  There is also mokobrownvegan.  I could list others featuring black women.

 

Forget about VH1, Oxygen or TLC doing the black upper and middle class any favors.  If Chris would like to promote positive images of black women as well as IR couples then perhaps she could have a "BBW Media Link" portion on the sidebar.  Fill it with long running vlogs as well as the WebTV series.  Just a suggestion.

onmywayup 1795 pts

 torgodog Yeah, I've pretty much stopped watching television in favor of vlogs and youtube webseries (like Awkward Black Girl, the Unwritten Rules, and Brothers with No Game). Can't deal with the mess that's on TV these days.

zipporah 1728 pts

Heck youtube vlogs are where its at. I like the old alfred Hitchcock shows on youtube, like his old tV show: Alfred Hitchcock Presents--BTW the movie CHARADE is fully uploaded, also many older music 'vids'

Toni_M 18882 pts moderator

 torgodog "Sell your soul to TLC and forget about the GED. "

 

I am still heartbroken that networks that were ORIGINALLY ABOUT EDUCATIONAL PROGRAMMING have themselves devolved into a source of money-driven stupidity. 

SwirlQueen 990 pts

 Toni_M  Yes, Ready Set Learn was one of my children's favorties.  No where in sight now but I can find all kinds of reality shows on the network now.

DeepWater 2464 pts

The video states "content rejected, this video has been removed due a breach of Terms of Use".

 

Well, from the picture of this male standing in front of the girl-women and children, this "show" sounds ghastly.

 

These children and girl-women are and will continue to be lost souls and will perpetuate this dysfunction onward to their future seeds and beyond.    Unfortunately, I've seen forms of this dysfunction while growing up in NYC with girls I'd gone to school with.  Many baby daddys, few marriages to mothers, thus high illiteracy, high imprisonment, and high death counts due lack of exposure to lifes' bounty of becoming whatever, a firefighter, lawyer, police officer, nurse, corporate head, entrepreneur, inventor, scientist, hair and/or clothing stylist, make-up artist, ice-skater, olympian, sportscaster, talk-show host, anything but this trifling mess right here.

 

As an unwanted child myself, I understand the need for a father-man presence in ones' life, and these children are and will suffer for this gross, disgusting, and nihilistic behavior.    Lack of a faddah figure has been a great hurt now for many years, someone to look up to with strong moral codes and values, whom teaches you things of the world, to go to a baseball game with and football game with (one basketball game he took muddah and I to while I was a child but could not really enjoy because she'd already lost "her purpose" - now I recognize as an adult was severe depression -  thus beginning of communication breakdown due to the longer stretches of his disappearing acts).

 

Just ghastly for the children.

stephanie88 154 pts

Sorry meant to say, "same sex marriage"

stephanie88 154 pts

As for the Tami Winfrey Harris article, I'm not thinking about this in terms of respectability per se, what I see is a situation that is harmful for the children.  I noticed that in the comments from the opposing parties (feminists), the welfare of the children is hardly mentioned, the only thing I keep hearing about is how "marriage isn't the answer" and it is an "option" but not a solution.  And I don't think more government aid is the answer.  I understand that not everyone on welfare is a single mom, there are other families that have fallen upon hard times, but I feel this is more cultural, and it seems in our culture that having babies without the benefit of a partner in marriage is ok,  but I feel otherwise. If you are in a same sex relationship/marriage, that is good too because the stress of raising a child can be daunting, but when you have someone by your side, in the trenches it makes all the difference in the world.  I don't see why that's so difficult to grasp.  

 

Shawty Lo is more than just " bit of a fool" as someone said below, he's beyond a fool and entering the realm of "are you serious?"  I think that Christelyn is showing women their worth with this blog by calling out this train wreck for what it is, because when you know that you are priceless and deserve the absolute best that life has to offer, you make better choices. I bet that those women in the sizzle reel were raised in homes where there were baby daddies, and yes I think that's a problem that goes beyond respectability.  Why defend  something that isn't beneficial to anyone, especially the kids?  When you know better, you do better and pass it on, but what we're passing on is severely hurting us in the end.

The Working Home Keeper 6634 pts

 stephanie88 " I noticed that in the comments from the opposing parties (feminists), the welfare of the children is hardly mentioned, the only thing I keep hearing about is how "marriage isn't the answer" and it is an "option" but not a solution."

 

Very true!  The cries of "slut shaming" and "judging" only serve to shut down the conversation and deflect from the heart of the matter - that this is not ideal for children.  When my husband and I met with the principal at our kids' school regarding some issues in our youngest son's classroom, the principal stated the biggest problem they have in regards to discipline issues are with the  children (boys in particular) coming from homes without fathers.  And of course most of those kids are black.  We now have generation upon generation of kids within the black community raised without fathers in the home or active in their lives.  How can anyone think this is beneficial?  How can anyone label this as "normal" or "progressive"?   

 
stephanie88 154 pts

 The Working Home Keeper 

 

Yes and that is so heartbreaking.  I wish people could understand this.  Children need their fathers.  Good ones.  Not someone dropping off pampers and maybe visiting on Christmas.  I grew up with twin boys who were raised by their mother and grandmother.  Their father sent a check and that's it.  He never married their mother, anyway, they told my mom that they wished their father would come see them and take them places.  As adults, they reached out to him and formed some sort of relationship, but they were grown by then, and they needed him when they were growing up.  It's such a sad thing.  

 

 

 

 

 

onmywayup 1795 pts

 stephanie88 You know what Stephanie, you voiced my thoughts a lot better than I could. Thanks for your post.

stephanie88 154 pts

 onthewaydown  You're welcome! :)

 

 

 

 

 

Toni_M 18882 pts moderator

Before I go throw a blanket over my head and pretend that the world doesn't exist, I have to say this to the influx of offended feminists:

 

I think this post was written largely from a place of anger at a group of women who has continually undermined the concept of "No Wedding No Womb". And I think that anger is justified, especially as it has been pointed out, a number of the women doing their best to shoot down advocacy for black women avoiding the hell of poor black single motherhood in a world where no one even bothers to expect a black father of unmarried women to do a damn thing for her or the kids. These women are often married themselves, and a number of them live in a much more ideal situation than the women they are "protecting from marriage".

 

What is being attacked isn't merely feminism, because the core beliefs of feminism can never be undermined: Freedom, choice, and equality for women. Who the hell would oppose that?

 

What is being attacked is the blatant hypocrisy displayed by a number of feminists, especially white feminists. Women who are notorious for their racial privilege, for ignoring the holy hell out of any woman that isn't at least middle class and most certainly white. 

 

Despite my own writings on sexism and homophobia, I've already decided to by-step anything to do with the feminist MOVEMENT and have been tempted TWICE to write a post about my reasons here. I just was not in the mood to be attacked on all sides for my reasons and experiences. But you know what? I may just go ahead and undelete and submit the post and let the cards fall where they may.

 

There is a selfish, self-centered aspect of the white feminist movement that has lead many black feminists to either adopt this behavior or ignore it for the sake of being accepted. The idea that it's more important for so-called feminists to trapse up in this post and explain "the cause" to everyone than to understand WHY someone might be angry with them (being attacked by a bunch of self-serving hypocrites in the name of "the movement" will do that to you) is sadly typical of the modern feminist movement when it comes to the needs and struggles of black women.

 

But that's another article for another day.

VintageNarcissa 3151 pts

 Toni_M There is a lot to be said for women having ability 

 

As much as people like to point out the NWNW aspect of site and claim that all we're about it appeasing men, appeasing white men, we talk just as much about black women advancing their their job opportunities, travel, etc, and becoming powerful and sufficient in their own right. Here at BBW I feel we have a intricate collective of extremely ambitious women. I mean, we have Chris who can stand alone in example as someone who took an idea and turned it not only into a definitive source of social media, but also a book, and a movie. That's a lot of work for someone who is supposedly only interested in pleasing her man. 

 

My critique about feminism and the idea that women can live solely for their own power and achievement, is that all of that goes directly out of the window when you bring a child into the picture. A feminist still needs a man in order to create the child. And regardless of the man's involvement, that child still needs it mother to put it first. And that is where the feminists often falter. Their children tend to suffer under the unbridles narcissism of having to live under the doctrine of a woman not needing a man for *anything* yet, they are in existence. And not only that, but that their existence is some how a burden. When their mothers had every rightful choice to not have them in the first place *coughtNWNWcough* 

 

If a feminist does in fact want to be all powerful in her womanhood, they should put themselves in a position where they should never need a man. Knowingly having a child with a man is a direct negation of that.

 

Such as TV show as 'All My Baby Mamas' is not a spring board for feminism, because it is not the women who are ultimately suffering. It will always be the children. It's those three 19 year olds who had to deal with their father not being at their college graduation. It's them having to deal with their father caring more about some stranger who is their same age, than he does them. 

 

People like to think than men don't also benefit from marriage and co-habitation with the mother of his children. But it is that exact situation that causes testosterone levels to drop in men and calms them down and be the stable husbands and fathers they need to be. When that doesn't happen, those hormone changes never happen, and then you have situations like this where the man never develops a connection to one woman nor a desire to procreate with only her. 

 

And It's not even that women cannot successfully raise children on their own, its an issue of why should they have to. Why should those children have to suffer when they don't have to. Women may not "need" men, but children *always* need *both* of their parents. And regardless of the situation, when they are denied that they suffer in some way.

 

I mean, the children of gays and lesbians who are together grow up a lot more well adjusted than children from broken heterosexual families; because of the two parent household, the security and stability of a family unit. 

 

It's ironic that people want to spell it *womban* and *wombanism* but they were ultimately projecting and idea that they could give two shits about the beings that come out of their womb. 

tracyreneejones 3589 pts

 Toni_M I toyed with the idea but the thought is very daunting. I think at base level we, as women, and as humans typically want the same thing. The conversation re: how we achieve these things is where there will be blood. Much of the conversation has to do with people demanding that their basic needs come first. 

Toni_M 18882 pts moderator

 tracyreneejones  I've already submitted the post so we're just gonna have to see what happens.

 

For the record I am all for people putting their needs first. I just really hate the idea of doing this while pretending "we're equally in this together and I'm looking out for you like you're looking out for me."

 

HAHAHAHAHAHA-No. :/

onmywayup 1795 pts

 Toni_M "What is being attacked is the blatant hypocrisy displayed by a number of feminists, especially white feminists. Women who are notorious for their racial privilege, for ignoring the holy hell out of any woman that isn't at least middle class and most certainly white.

 

What is being attacked is the blatant hypocrisy displayed by a number of feminists, especially white feminists. Women who are notorious for their racial privilege, for ignoring the holy hell out of any woman that isn't at least middle class and most certainly white."

 

Yes, yes, yes!!!! I have had these experiences with white feminists in college as well. (Women's studies was one of my focuses in school.) While there were a few that tried to be more accommodating to differing perspectives, there were many more that imo, put their rights first and foremost and had other women join in the name of sisterhood without considering the other women's issues (you know, like a real "sister" might). It can be pretty frustrating.