Question of the week. You are approaching middle age and realize that you have more years behind you than ahead. How does that shape your view of life, your satisfaction with it as well as the choices that you make for the years that you have remaining?
BB&W regular ChristieRJohnson Speaks:
I’ll take a gander at this.
I’ll be 38 in Nov. I’m seriously questioning my life. Then again, I have always questioned my life. The difference is that any decision that I make will have more impact.
I have lived a good life. I grew up in a two parent home, good school, college, yrs of bouncing around without too much hassle from the parental units. I have what most would consider a dream job. Yet, I’m not satisfied.
I still have childish dreams. I have dreams of being in a touring band. I have dreams of being a writer. I have dreams of learning Spanish and living in Barcelona. I have dreams of falling in love with the right guy out of something more than desperation and fear. But to take that risk is scary because all of my decisions have more of an impact and less time to recover. I feel like time is just slipping away.
A part of me wants the husband and the kids, yet if I had to choose, I’ll take the husband. Kids are a lot of responsibility, I can barely take care of myself; and while I talk a lot of mess, I know I will need help. My parents are old, they have raised two kids; although they would support me, I would never put that kind of burden on my parents. I want companionship and children are not meant to be companions for their parents. A husband has a role that no child should have to fill. I would rather have a guy to fill that role than to be a mother.
I regret nothing. I’ve had a lot of fun doing things I have no business of doing and I have a lot of stories to tell. But sometimes, I wonder, what my life would have been like if I wasn’t so restless. If i was satisfied with what was on the silver platter. But I’m not, and as time goes on, I’ll be more frustrated because I know I have little time left. It gets overwhelming sometimes because there is a time clock on some things and there is this feeling like, “I have to do it now!!”
The older I get, the more I want to make an impact. I want my life to be extraordinary. I want to be an inspiration to my nieces, that you can take the path less traveled and still have a good life. I want more stories to tell and i would love to have the love of my life to come with me.
…I know the reason I’m not married and it wasn’t because I was chasing career goals. To be honest, the job I have now has been the longest I have ever held a job. It was because I was, and still am, restless. I chase dreams, not goals. That is not what a stable marriage makes. If I could find a man that can deal this that, be nice to me, respect me, kiss me well and kiss me often; I don’t know what I would do. Over think the whole situation, when I should just relax and trust.
I”m an adult, I’m just not a grown up. The older I get, less I want to be…
Some women will find themselves in their mid-thirties, or later, not-married and without children. What do you suggest to those women who still desire children but have few fertile years remaining and there is no Mr. Right in sight?