“I really hate this time of year- by which I mean, Thanksgiving to Valentine’s day.” is what one of my closest and most cynical friends posted as her Facebook status about a week ago. “I know,” I commented, “Let’s try to get through it together.”
For a lot of people the holiday season is the most wonderful time of the year, but my friend and I always suffer from the wintertime blues. We hate cold weather and neither of us missed the snow when we lived in the South. Sure, snow looks great until it turns into a dirty slush, freezes into ice, or you have to shovel out your car to get to work. We don’t enjoy outdoor winter activities like skiing or ice-skating, (although those snowmobiles sure look like a lot of fun) but our utmost grievance, naturally, is that winter is the absolute worst time of the year to be single.
November is not so bad. As a result of global warming, we still get a few unseasonably warm and sunny days and Thanksgiving is one of the few occasions I allow myself to eat like a pig without feeling guilty. Above all, it’s a nice reminder to count my blessings particularly when they don’t seem so numerous. December, however, is usually downright unbearable. There’s no way to escape the peer pressure to be coupled thanks to all the ridiculous commercialism associated with the Christmas holiday: mistletoe, diamond jewelry in tiny boxes and luxury cars wrapped in giant bows, offers for romantic getaways at cozy chalets or escaping the cold altogether to a tropical paradise. Undoubtedly someone on Facebook will announce yet another engagement before it’s all over. I know that surviving the holidays is all about adjusting my attitude, focusing on being grateful, helping those who are less fortunate, etc., etc., so you can spare me the lecture. As much as I believe all those things are true, it kind of only takes me so far. Spending the holidays with my family is fine for the most part, but by now I was expecting to be sharing Christmases with a family of my own. It feels like I’ve been celebrating the same tired old Christmas over and over for years like a bad Yuletide version of Groundhog Day. December 31st is even worse. After several appearances at overhyped New Year’s Eve parties full of no one to kiss at midnight, I now choose to stay home with my takeout sushi and watch TV. Finally, just when I’ve somehow managed to survive the darkest, coldest days of January, here comes freakin’ February with Valentine’s Day. Enough said.
On the bright side, I can think of at least two good things about being single during the holidays:
1.) Unstable relationships usually don’t survive the holidays even though it’s the worst time to suffer from a break-up. At least I’ll be maintaining the status quo.
2.) A few single guys will step up their effort into getting boo’ed up for the holidays and way before Valentine’s Day to avoid potentially spending a lot of cash on a woman they’ve only been dating for a couple of weeks. While most women don’t have such unreasonable expectations, men still seem to live in fear of a handful of gold-diggers.
I’ve noticed a few comments on Facebook from puzzled readers who wanted me to post my online dating profile again and asked if I could include a podcast or video. For now, I’d still like to keep my identity as private as possible. Dating in my forties is difficult enough without worrying that an eligible bachelor might discover this blog and head for the hills. But, I met Christelyn at her book signing event in DC, so she can confirm that there didn’t appear to be anything wrong with me physically and I at least gave the impression that I knew how to conduct myself in public. She even hooked me up with new pair of stylish Moscot sunglasses so I could take an incognito photo with her.
All I can tell you about my profile photos is that they bring in a lot of views, but very few connections with men who meet my most basic preferences. I have two head shots that continue to get “likes” from members and one recent full body shot in a sundress that, in hindsight, is probably a little too bold in color and pattern for most men’s taste. I plan to replace it the next time I find myself all dress up with nowhere to go over the holidays. Anyway, here’s what my profile currently says:
You’ll probably find me pretty difficult to define. I like to think of myself as an individualist and I am drawn to other people who think outside of the box. I make a living as a costume designer but lately I’ve been thinking about a second career as a personal stylist. My own personal style could be described as “classically feminine with a touch of modern chic.” (That means you won’t find any hoochie-wear in my closet.) I am a pretty creative and outgoing kind of person, so I’m glad my work satisfies both my artistic and social needs. I get restless when I spend too much time at home. Life is short and there’s so much to see and do. You might find me at the theater, chilling at a wine bar, out for Sunday brunch or heading to DC, but I am really looking forward to romantic nights on the couch just watching a movie and kicking back with that special someone.
I am hardly a fitness fanatic, but I started putting more effort into getting in shape and eating right over the past few years. I still look very young for my age. I have no problem sticking to a healthy diet or exercising when I’m motivated and can find the time, but only in moderation. You’ll never hear me turn down a piece of birthday cake; I’ll just try to make up for it the next day!
I wish I could travel more. I love vacationing on tropical islands and exploring lively cities or quaint little countrysides, but if you are looking for someone who is really active and enjoys “the great outdoors” you might want to move on to the next profile if it’s all that important to you. Personally, I think common values are more important than common interest.
I’m looking for someone who enjoys new experiences, is liberal-minded and tries to live life with purpose; someone who is thoughtful and kind and takes good care of himself and others. I am open to both interracial dating and dating men of my own race. If you like my profile but haven’t thought about interracial dating before, maybe you should reconsider and send me a wink or an email.
I’m not interested in profiles without photos or casual encounters.
What do you think?
Geez, OK, OK. I'll re-write it and get back to you.
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