Video: Skinfolk Ain’t Always Kinfolk–Culture Often Clash in “Swirling”

 Joyce345 Sounds like the man was mentally ill or just very dumb. No sane person refers to slavery as present tense looking to blame someone who obvious could participate in the slave trade in this lifetime. :/ 

 pioneervalleywoman 

It's funny because my Jamaican mother thinks African Americans are the bomb because of how they survived nightmarish oppression and many have come out on top.  My mom always spoke of the fact that when Whites wouldn't allow Blacks into their schools, banks, hospitals, etc., Black Americans started their own institutions to serve  their own people, many of which survive to this day. (I attended Howard University in the mid-1990s). 

Also, my Jamaican parents are very proud of the African American Civil Rights Movement and talk about it as if they were there (they were in Jamaica and then England during the 60s).

I think it's important to speak about the fact that many Blacks around the world (and non-Blacks for that matter) hold African Americans in high esteem.  Let's not always talk about how foreign Blacks despise African Americans.  I think we are giving a false picture, which does not reflect reality.  I would love to see an article about the positive impact African Americans have had on other Black folks instead of always hearing about the negative.

Just my 2 cents.

 SirLoinDeBeef My mother would be quite pleased. She'd rather an American than a Brit. They just cannot impress her.

 KingsDaughter  SirLoinDeBeef 

A white American (or British) son in law would be considered very auspicious lol! Something for the parents to brag about.

 Joyce345  KingsDaughter  No.... It would depend on the QUALITY of the person.

 Joyce345  KingsDaughter  SirLoinDeBeef yup it definitely would @Joyce

@SirLoinDeBeef Parents don't care as long as the man is educated and has a good job. They would prefer a Caribbean man but they know I date interracially which hasn't been a problem thus far. They really are against AA males though...

 LadyT13  SirLoinDeBeef My parents are similar, except I'm Nigerian so my mom would prefer a Nigerian man.  She doesn't mind other ethnicities/races however, though I think she would be unhappy if I married an AA man.

 Bellydancer 

I found that discussion quite interesting.

 LadyT13 "You don't look Haitain because you are pretty?"

Oh, this right here. I got the "your nose is too straight to be half African". I had a friend (she ws black) in middle school tell me once that the palms of my hands were too light because I was half African. The palms of her hands were darker than mine. I guess I was supposed to have black palms like a gorilla or something...SMH

@Browncow That question use to irk me the most!! In their minds blacks outside the US can't possibly be pretty and come in only one shade. I remember a guy in high school back in the mid 90's stating that he would never date a Haitain woman because they all have Aids!! I was like that's weird seeming as how you've been sweating me this whole school year. He didn't know what to say because he couldn't wrap his brain around the fact that I was Haitian AND he found me to be very attractive. That mindset is prevalent in the BC in regards to foreign blacks.

 LadyT13  I am Haitian Also.  Most strangers especially Guys would say ohhh Do don't look haitian or something like that. I question myself What do haitian people post to look like?? Most haitian parents would perfer some one from the carribbeans. Personally I dont date african americans I always think AA are pure ignorant. thats my personal thoughts

 LadyT13 Same here. Both of my parents are haitian, and from a yound age I was told black americans were "different" than us. When I was younger I never thought I had anything in common with African-Americans. We were raised differently. Alot of Haitians see uneducated African-Americans as ghetto, and somewhat responsible for the situation their in. To them African-Americans don't value hard work and education as much as they do. African-Americans think Black immigrants are usually worst off than them, but the immigrants don't see it that way.A girl at my high school even told me her mom said Haiti had the earthquake as punishment from God for practicing voodoo! SMH.

 LionMama This is also a good point. It's not just African American vs African culture clashes. But there are many cultures within the continent that can clash as well.

Where are you from if you don't mind me asking? :)

 Toni_M  LionMama Exactly. When people hear that my father is Yoruba, the first thing most Africans ask is whether my parents are still married. Unfortunately in the African community there is a stereotype (not unfounded sadly) that Nigerians are notorious scam artists and criminals. In the culture, it is not uncommon for Nigerian men to cheat on their wives for years and then when they die, all the illegitimate children show up at the funeral wanting their share of the inheritance (never mind the father didn't raise you or visit or take care of you). I have to explain that my father is a rare find (which he is. I love my Daddy). My father is hard working, faithful, industrious, super intelligent (he's in the hardcore sciences and has his MBA), and just a wonderful person to be around.  Did I mention that I love my Dad? So yeah, there are stereotypes out there. I remember in college there was an African Student Association and then there was an Ethiopian Student Association. I was thinking..."Aren't Ethiopians African too?" But the ASA was made mostly of West Africans and the Ethiopians couldn't relate to West African culture. Thus the split.

 LionMama Hayibo at the first paragraph!!! LOL true about the stereotypes. Some are very mean but some you just have to laugh at.

 Toni_M I was thinking the same thing. Too cute.

 Browncow Their, "OMG we are on camera and really nervous" faces were just too precious. 

 Toni_M "Some of the most bigoted, ignorant, and hateful individuals you'll meet in this life if you are black are other black people."

Indeed!

Who is* 

@Brenda55 I know what you mean, Brenda. I live here in the city, too and don't see very much co-mingling here, although my sister married a Jamaican man back in the early 80s. My mother was initially hostile towards him, but she eventually came to accept him, though this was not reciprocated by her now late husband's family. His family thoroughly rejected my sister and the two children that resulted from their marriage. If nothing else, there has been open hostility directed towards foreign born blacks from AAs here in this area (three I can think of was a six year old boy that was repeatedly jumped and ignored by school administrators at an elementary school in Elmwood, a teenager that chased, pummeled and hung from an iron fence in Upper Darby (caught on video), and a 13 year old kid that was severely injured by a wolf pack at 60th/Woodland. The last incident caused the family to move from the area.). This leads me to conclude that their staying to themselves is done for the sake of self-preservation.

 ncatina  Brenda55 "This leads me to conclude that their staying to themselves is done for the sake of self-preservation."

Well yes, exactly. All the above instances will be examples throughout the African and Caribbean communities to stay away from Black Americans. I even know instances where it is preferable to marry whites if an African or Caribbean spouse cannot be secured.

 ncatina  Brenda55 Your last point is extremely interesting given the self-segregating characteristics of AA women. The difference is that the self-preservation tactics tend to be mutual. Notice his family said they could find him a wife native to his culture? Whereas AA women are encouraged to stay alone until a man comes along, with no one actively trying to seek a husband for her. And certainly not telling AA men they'll find a AA wife for him. 

I hate to say this but I suspect the main difference is that so long as babies are being born, even if those births are OOW, no one cares because at least that means the population is growing. There is among many AA this lack of concern for the situation of how the children are born, the ability of the parents to raise them to preserve any type of cultural heritage, and basically there is really no game plan for a unified cultural community to survive. 

One could blame institutional racism for keeping American blacks from progressing, but keep in mind, we were not the only ethnic group affected by institutional racism nor does that form of racism have a direct impact on how you decide to reproduce. How is white racism at fault for discouraging AA women to make sensible choices regarding dating and marriage and not telling AA men to have any respect for or consideration for AA women in terms of procreation or protection from abuse?

I think that there is a lot of misunderstandings exist between the different ethnic groups. But this is not uncommon for different ethnic groups. People really do place far too much emphasis on race as a determining factor of whether or not people will immediate get along or like each other.

 ncatina  Brenda55 

I can co-sign what you posted. I worked with aa fellow nurse that was from Trinidad.  She was widowed and had one daughter.  She met a AA man who  the only son in a family  if five children.  To a women her sisters-in-law could not stand her and could not  understant why he married "that foreigner"?

His sisters were all unmarried and we used to speculate that he was expected to be their "man of the house". This nurse and her husband went about their business, moved a distance from his sisters and kept it moving.  They only see each other at large family events. 

 Brenda55  ncatina So wait, they were expecting him to act as a stand-in husband for all of them? O_o This harem/man-sharing thinking creeps me out. 

I'm now left with a chicken-before-the-egg scenario: Where did this man-sharing mentality come from

- Black men expecting to have access to multiple women because of fatherlessness and being brought up around multiple women and no father figures.

- Multiple women expecting some male to act as a stand in for father/husband and due to scarcity, deciding to share

 Brenda55 Oh, forgot to mention my brother-in-law was the only male among his mother and sisters.......