VintageNarcissa: Potential Rainbeaus Now Closer Than Ever

VintageNarcissa: Potential Rainbeaus Now Closer Than Ever

“If white men are moving into black neighborhoods and seeing black girls they find attractive, what’s to stop them from approaching?”

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The other day, I showered and dressed all pretty, and did my hair, preparing to visit my dear boyfriend. I wore shorts and a nice stop, and my headphones set to my loudest music in preparation of any presumptuous males that had anything to say. You know how they say; women should not dress a certain way and get mad when men take notice. Well, men should similarly not get mad when our headphones blast dubstep too loud for us to hear their idiotic comments.

As I approached my bus stop however, something completely unexpected happened. A man got out of his car, and in a Russian accent asked me the time. The song that was playing at the moment was a little lower than the rest of my playlist, so I was actually able to hear him. Completely oblivious to the fact that this was an advance, I dug my phone out of my bag and told him the time was 5:46 p.m. He proceeded to ask for my name and asked me where I was going. When I told him I was going to visit my boyfriend, he went on to offer me his phone number. I don’t know if he thought I was lying, which as you can already tell I was not; but he also offered to drive me there, despite my saying it was a long trip. Anyone will tell you, Brooklyn to Staten Island is no easy trek. But I brave it in order to keep my relationship in tact.

Pretty soon, I had to run for my bus and left the Russian with hopes that I’d call and in turn leave a record of my number on his phone. I could not help but giggle at how persistent this man was. He seemed to not care at all that I was black and he was white. He seemed to care even less that we were smack dab in the middle of a predominantly Caribbean and West Indian neighborhood. All I could do was think, my, how the times have changed.

You see, as recently as two years ago, there was not a white person to be found in my neighborhood that wasn’t an Orthodox Jew, a cop or a teacher. And even the teachers quickly hop in their cars after school and drive off. They never linger in the streets. Then one day as I got off the train at my stop, I noticed a white woman exiting as well. Another day, it was three white guys who sounded like they were on their way home from work. Then an old co-worker of mine emailed me to say he’d moved into the neighborhood and was curious about what there was to do in Brooklyn. Now white people roam freely, while new stores pop up regularly, including a gym and a BJ’s Wholesale, to complete the gentrification process.

Recently, I laughed as I witnessed a very pretty blonde girl walking down the street with not a care in the world, when just days before, I overheard two black guys on a bus in the same area. When one suggested a stop that would be a shortcut to where the other was going, the other said, “Oh hell no!” Because he thought the area was too dangerous.  But the blonde girl clearly didn’t get the memo; she seemed oblivious as to if any danger was around her.

With the races mixing residences, as can be expected comes race mixing of another kind. I see black men and white women together and walking up and town the main roads of my neighborhood on a regular basis. There are also a few black women and white (non-black) men couples. There’s me and my boyfriend, though Hispanic and also now a staple in this area still receives odd looks when we’re together, or when he blasts his rock music in crowded trains. I’ve seen other couples like us out and about. One girl’s white boyfriend saw her to the bus at a major intersection and gave her many kisses before letting her go in. Another time I passed a very pretty black teenage girl, just a few blocks from my home, walking very closely with a fair skinned boy with just enough flair in his look to probably be Hispanic or Italian.

Finally, the Russian guy got me thinking, if white men are moving into black neighborhoods and seeing black girls they find attractive, what’s to stop them from approaching? What’s stopping the Russian from trying to chat up another black girl he sees on her way to the bus? If I were single, maybe he would have actually gotten my number. Previously, the biggest hindrance to black women and white men coupling was distance. Blacks and whites largely did not live and work in the same areas for constant contact. And unlike black men and white women, the media was not drumming up this sweetest taboo persona to make either demographic want to go out of their way to seek each other out for partnership.

However, as I learned in many a psychology class, familiarity breeds likeness. There may be more chance that black women and white men will begin to find each other attractive because they are now more readily available to one another. Maybe, with several attractive and eligible post grads looking toward Brooklyn for snazzy pads that are ever so slightly less expensive than those in Manhattan in order to establish their status, a few of them will have the courage to say “hi” to their pretty black neighbor. Maybe that quirky black girl won’t have to wait until she goes away to college, or lands her dream job with the salary that allows her to move out of her neighborhood, in order to meet her kind of guy.

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musicabonita 16 pts

Well those of you that are lucky enough to live in those cities where IRR is common you should be grateful. Here where I am in TN ain't nothing going on and its strange too because I live in a military town. I see plenty of bm/ww couples but not much the other way around. The white men here don't seem to be into it. I get more attention when I travel. I'm thinking I need to move real soon.

B.F.A.A.D. BlackFemaleAllianceAgainstDefamation 188 pts

Will soon be moving to Chicago, I hope the swirl is catching on there too :)

KingsDaughter 4641 pts

Am I terrible for saying the guy in the picture has a bit too much make up on?

DU2 2193 pts

I like the sound of this. I am from NY I may have to keep my home state in mind.

lili99 6 pts

canarsie or crown heights? lol

VintageNarcissa 3151 pts

 lili99 Yep, I live right between both :)

ImaniScully 200 pts

 VintageNarcissa  lili99 I live in the prospect-lefferts garden area. I used to go to high school in crown heights.

ElfeV 7093 pts

Cool post. Y'know honestly before internet days I never gave IRs a lot of thought (thought as in wondering if it was possible because duh?! of course yes! lolz) because there were always rainbeaux on deck: my brother's friends, classmates, at my weekend hangouts, synagogue, postal or store clerks. Many were friendly if not downright flirtatious so it was a very comfortable and expected thing. I don't know if growing up in the SF Bay Area skewed my perception/expectations or what. At school in New York it was less friendly and easy-going day-to-day with strangers but when a guy was interested they were quite direct and assertive in comparison to California. I'm generalizing based on my experiences so plz take w/grain of salt etc.

 

Proximity is big IMO because it's all of those little day-to-day interactions and encounters over time, i think, that build confidence and comfort with various types of people.

eugeniaberg 7245 pts moderator

@Elfe When I moved to Seattle 20 years ago this place a breath of fresh air. Being from Houston at the time, there was not a lot of IR dating with anybody. So moving here and seeing it done so frequently. Although I'd dated IR some in Texas in college, went to school in San Antonio for 2 yrs, it was not like here. Now that wasn't to say I saw a lot of bw dating IR, I didn't but I saw more than I did in Houston or San Antonio in 1992. But the neighborhoods were all so diverse in the city, I could see how folks would end up together. At this point I live in a small suburb over the north King County line in Snohomish County and I swear I can't go one day now w/o seeing a bw in an IRR. Blk ppl are not a large part of the population here, this is the 5th whitest city in America but I never had an issue finding a date here.

ann4950 732 pts

 eugeniaberg   

 One of my co-workers sisters live in Seattle and she loves it. 

eugeniaberg 7245 pts moderator

@ann4950 I love this place, we don't get but two months of summer but it's such a great city that don't even matter.

lia 15 pts

 eugeniaberg   ann4950 

Summer meaning almost 70 but I'm happy as long as I get a little bit of sunshine.  I think I usually see more blk women in IRR than same.  I honestly don't know where to go if I DID want to date a black guy.

eugeniaberg 7245 pts moderator

@lia @ann4950 I'm fine with the 70s, want a little more sun all you got to do is cross the Cascades & you'll get it :-) my husband & I visited Leavenworth over the weekend it was 100 degrees, yea they can have that. LOL. I never had much interest in dating bm, so if the numbers were low I never noticed.

ElfeV 7093 pts

 eugeniaberg   lia  ann4950 "...I never had much interest in dating bm, so if the numbers were low I never noticed."

 

same deal here! LOL When all of the media hype and public moaning&groaning started I was like 'Huh? Man shortage?! What?!'

zipporah 1726 pts

@eugeniaberg I've heard in the pre- -loving days that WA was one of the states you could marry in. As liberal as CA was, you couldnt marry IRR in CA--you had to go to WA and then live in CA--they wouldnt bother you, like those creeps in VA

eugeniaberg 7245 pts moderator

@zipporah I didn't know that since I'm not from here, I don't know all the history of Washington. But I tell you what there are a lot of biracial adults here more than I've seen in any other city besides those in CA.

ImaniScully 200 pts

yup, that sounds l like where I live in Brooklyn. I wonder what neighborhood she lives in, because I live in a predominant Carribbean neighborhood and gentrification is evident everywhere.

VintageNarcissa 3151 pts

 ImaniScully Well if you're familiar with the strip mall with the Planet Fitness, the Vitamin Shoppe and the BJ's Wholesale, you may know exactly what neighborhood(s) I'm talking about. :)

Oneof thegirls 214 pts

 ImaniScully Does BK have a Whole Foods yet? Nice to hear BK is mixing up...even though many blacks don't like it ( higher prices in rent, etc).

VintageNarcissa 3151 pts

 Oneof thegirls  ImaniScully No, there isn't one yet, but I do think there will be one soon. I remember seeing a while back ads some where looking to fill positions for a Brooklyn Whole Foods. We have had Trader Joe's downtown for a while though. That's my usual stomping ground. 

ASwirlGirl 3035 pts

How interesting you should point this out! It’s actually been researched; in my dissertation I’m covering some aspects of the role proximity plays in interracial relationships. Research by Heaton and Jacobson (2008) indicated that specific organizational contexts, termed “opportunity structures,” compose significant reasons for increases in interracial marriage (p. 31). These opportunity structures include those presented because of serving in the military, enrolling in colleges and universities, residing in large metropolitan areas, and living in locations with histories reflecting earlier acceptance of interracial marriages. You are spot on in your assessment.

 

 

Source: Jacobson, C., & Heaton, T. (2008). Comparative patterns of interracial marriage: Structural opportunities, third-party factors, and temporal change in immigrant societies. Journal of Comparative Family Studies, 39(2), 129-149. Retrieved from SocINDEX with Full Text database.

 

FriendsofJay 1837 pts

 ASwirlGirl It's been said that familiarity breeds contempt, but you've all heard that the military forbids "fraternizing with the enemy."  Why?  When you get to know the enemy, you start to like him.  You realize that he doesn't have devil horn, three eyes and other anatomically incorrect peculiarities.  There was a famous incident in WW I at one area of the trench where German, English and French soldiers let down their guard and invited all combatants to a Christmas Eve party.  At first they were all skeptical of each others intentions, but as they came together and shared food and drink, they learned that all nationalities were really just the same.  There is a wonderful film titled JOYEUX NOEL that shows this very extraordinary  one day truce: http://www.amazon.com/Joyeux-Noel-Widescreen-Diane-Kruger/dp/B000I6BJ56/ref=sr_1_1?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1341863510&sr=1-1&keywords=joyeux+noel+blu+ray I urge you to check it out next Christmas.  Those of us in the WC were told ridiculous things about AAs, Asians, etc.  But when you get to know them, you realize they're just like everyone else and you start to like them. That's why generals don't like soldiers to "fraternize" with the enemy.  It's hard to kill someone you have grown to like.  Whites and blacks tell each other unbelievable things about each other.  But if you get to know the other side, you start to like them, which leads to dating, marriage and all kinds of things that people with a vested interest in separation don't want to happen. The guest author has given us a very real example of how this works. 

ASwirlGirl 3035 pts

FriendsofJay So true! "fraternizing with the enemy" provides an "opportunity structure" for interaction - and as you stated, this interaction very often leads to dropping of barriers and other hindrances that prevent people from discovering that they share commonalities. Jacobson and Heaton's (2008) research confirms how interactions influence and even promote IRR: “Settings that are integrated, enhance contact, and promote ideals of equality and diversity also increase the likelihood of intergroup marriage” (p. 31).