These are by no means all the stereotypes about bw/wm couples I have heard, but just some of the most common ones that need to be put to rest NOW. Everyone reading this is probably well aware that they’re bogus, but if you’ve ever caught yourself thinking any of these, it’s time to stop. [I apologize for the length, but it’s a comprehensive list]

1. “A white guy is just interested in sex with a black woman”–And black guys aren’t? The last time I checked it is a widely held belief that men in general tend to like sex, want sex, think about sex once every 7 seconds (I just did), and–and this will surprise exactly no one–don’t want to marry every girl they have sex with. I am not exactly sure why it is completely sinister for a white man to want sex while it is just regular lousy or typical for a black man to want it. Does anyone really think every single black guy they meet or that tries to talk to a black woman is interested in a relationship? Probably not. [It was the Beatles who sung “I Want To Hold Your Hand” while hip hop gives us “Til Sweat Drips From My Balls”]

I just think this is a tactic used to make black women so (subconsciously) leery and paranoid about white men they don’t really give them a chance. And yes, keeps them from having sex with them. Why? Believe it or not it’s about the best way I can think of to sabotage a relationship. If you would have sex with a black guy after a week but want to hold out over paranoia of a white guy for months, it’ll create distance, suspicion you don’t really think white guys are all that attractive, and make us wonder where the relationship is even headed if you vastly preferred your past boyfriends enough to have sex with them so much sooner. None of that might be true, but it’s how men might interpret it. There’s a saying I’ve heard before that goes “White guy gets the check, black guy gets the sex,” men may falsely interpret your sexual wariness as wanting a relationship with a white man but being more sexually/physically attracted to black guys. However false, it IS completely accurate to call it prejudice to suspect the worst of a guy’s romantic intentions simply because of his skin tone. I mean…when you can’t tell that some clean cut, Mormon, Matt Damon Jr. lookalike is more of a monogamous guy than a guy named Antonio BadBalla Williams bragging from the rooftops about his “swagga,” you’re not being entirely honest with yourself.

2. “A white guy won’t marry you”–Judging by the statistic that 40 percent of black women in the US never get married, black guys won’t either. It’s not white men that are keeping black women single. The “Won’t Marry You” line is an especially popular one among black families who perhaps aren’t all that ready to embrace a white son-in-law themselves. It’s a familiar tactic of the prejudiced to make it seem like they are the victims of prejudice (like Glenn Beck saying Barack Obama hates white people in a recent interview lol). So I would always encourage people to ask themselves why someone is really saying this and if maybe there isn’t at least some wariness on the part of a black father or grandmother or traditionalist (i.e. segregationist) aunt to completely embrace bw/wm relationships in general.

Plus, if your grandmother is telling you this…how much is she really and truly living in 2010 when she says this? Interracial marriages might have been unthinkable or even illegal when she was tying the knot–as they were for my grandparents who got married in the early 50’s–so it’s hard to take the opinion of someone even 40 years old on this in the age of constantly evolving Obama-era race relations. Tyler Perry is a fairly young guy and even he got it dead wrong by trafficking in ugly stereotypes in “The Family That Preys Together”

In the US there are almost 10 percent more eligible black women than eligible black men, meaning that in an absolute best case, never going to happen scenario, if every single black woman got married to a black man tomorrow there would be nearly 10 percent not getting married. There are 5 times as many white men as black men in the US, even if only 20 percent of those white men were interested in marrying black women (and trust me, it’s a lot more than that) that’s still the exact same percentage of black men in the US. I’d say your odds of a white husband are just fine.

3. “Black Women are just interested in money”–Women period are interested in money. I would never say that a few black women aren’t proud gold diggers looking for the next Kobe Bryant or Ludacris when they cruise the partying circuit…but so are some white women (ever watch that show Millionaire Matchmaker or Who Wants To Marry a Millionaire? Mostly white women fishing for bucks). And there’s many women who aren’t interested in these things just like not all guys are interested in casual sex.

I think women of all races have roughly the same things they’re looking for in a guy, and usually one of those things is a measure of success or a job. We shouldn’t kid ourselves that black women have higher economic standards than white women or any race of women.

4. “Black and White Children Won’t Be Accepted” “Neither black people nor white people will fully accept interracial children”–Didn’t hurt the current President. He campaigned for both group’s votes, got both group’s votes, and is the first racial minority ever democratically elected President ANYwhere, not just the U.S., ANYwhere. I’d say that kid that “would never be accepted by blacks or whites” did pretty okay being both. Just like Halle Berry did being the most successful black actress of all time, or Vin Diesel, Mariah Carey, Michael Ealy, Wentworth Miller, Paula Patton, and about a 1000 others did by being considered some of the hottest people on the planet. It’s ironic to me that some black women won’t date white guys but would crawl through broken glass to date a “mixed” guy. Let’s face it, interracial kids are hot, and even people saying “They’ll never be accepted” are the first ones trying to have sex with them.

5. “Black Women More Attracted to White Men are Self-Hating”–Yes, because as we all know there is absolutely no difference between black women and black men and they look identical and to turn down sex with a black man is like turning down sex with yourself and doing that means you hate your skin tone. It’s a ridiculous argument usually said by black men who are mad they’re not with you. It’s down and dirty sexual jealousy dressed up as noble racial pride. And when black men date other races of women are they self hating? Well no…they’re just “seeing what’s out there.” Which is what everyone does. From black men to Jewish men to Asian women (the 3 groups who actually have the highest interracial dating rate in the US) people are attracted to the exotic. The lowest group of interracial daters in the US? Black women. The outlandish accusations of self hatred should be put to bed and the legitimate question of “Why not more attracted to something more exotic?” should take its place.

6. “They are also Traitors”–This sentiment is usually expressed by lunatics babbling about the upcoming race war. This feels like something you might tell a pre-schooler but when someone is black, they’re black. They were born black, they will die black, it’s a gene, it’s a skin tone, not a commodity that can be measured and weighed and if you listen to country music you lose blackness and you have to quickly put in the T.I. CD to get some of it back. Marrying a black guy doesn’t make you any more black than if you married a white guy. It’s not a one size fits all mold where being black automatically and oppressively means you have to marry black people that seems more suffocating than a true racial identity. It’s a physical trait, not a personality type, and you can’t be more or less or a “traitor” by whom you choose to socialize with or marry. Plus, thinking of it in terms of “traitor” implies a war, implies two sides that should be kept separate and at each other’s throats instead of humans in the same boat, and I thought most people were tired of that mentality.

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