“Is it okay to finally let my guard fully down and accept this as a real relationship, or should I just keep him as a friend and hold out for someone closer to my age?”

Through my years of reading and learning about the BWE cause, I have come to know that notions like the “Strong Black Woman” or being “Ms. Independent” have to die. In other words, black women need turn their backs on this mindset. Currently, I am a single mother of 3 children and these are things that I have to be since I am the sole bread winner. I have family members who tell me that they admire me because even with 3 children, I’ve accomplished so much. I’m quick to tell them that I don’t want to be admired because in actuality, I want a break and I hate having to be strong and independent. So, my question is, how do you turn your back on this mindset when you are still forced to be it daily due to certain responsibilities, like my kids?

Okay lurkers, here’s your chance to get your swirling relationship advice for a slew of folks from the BB&W Crew, plus some rainbeau dudes thrown in for some flavor. If you’ve ever wanted to ask a question here but thought yourself too bashful, today is your lucky-ducky day.

So as a WM fairly new to IRR (even though I have had interest in this direction for quite awhile), I have to admit that I never really was very sure how to approach a black woman as opposed to a white woman. I wasnt strong enough to be willing to overcome the taboo. And I am guilty of applying one perceived characteristic – race loyalty of BW as far as dating was concerned – to everyone in that group. So other than the part of these issues in my head, what do we do about some of these issues in a larger context?

Click on for the answer.

Hello Cris.

I’m enjoying your blog.

I’m a little bit discouraged because I have a crush on this guy. We were out last night with some other people. [It wasn't a date. It was a group of us.] We have really good chemistry and so much in common. But when it comes to anything beyond friendship, it seems like he notices every Caucasian girl, in close proximity, regardless of whether or not she’s remotely attractive. It’s really discouraging. I read your blog and I do most of the things you suggest. I exercise, I take care of myself, I’m well read, etc. However, it feels like, romantically speaking, I’m
invisible because, simply put, I’m not white and that hurts.

Why is that Cris?

Thanks all the brave ladies who reach out to me with questions on Facebook. Your experiences and the input of the sage folks in the BB&W Crew help hundreds (maybe thousands) of lurkers.

I have been a silent lurker for the past couple of months and I have to say that I am really enjoying your site! I just got reading your Question of the week on where the girl had never dated outside her race before and the comments where pretty informing. I too have that same problem but worse! I have never dated anyone before!

“I want to start dating, not get married!
I’ve been a good girl, I think I deserve to have a little fun. Sadly, I wouldn’t
know how to flirt my way out of a paper bag.”

Gosh. I LOVE getting notes like this, because it gives us all a chance to throw her some diamonds of wisdom.