Question of the Week

QOTW: “My White Boyfriend Doesn’t Want Kids that Don’t Look Like Him”

Buckle up, family. This one is a doozy.

The Letter:

now, i have been dating an amazing guy for a little over 4 years now. we’ve had our ups and down, and one of our biggest issue was to do with when we would settle down. this brought on the issue of future babies. my boyfriend is concerned about whether he will connect with the children because he think they wont look like him and will look black or whether the kids will like him knowing he’s white.( mind you we are not pregnant- i have strict no ring no babies policy). i took offense to this and mostly lashed out from me (justifiable i felt- given i’ve been black for the last 4yrs we’ve been dating (and some 20something years prior) and our relationship has been growing and happy)

some of my friends say to dump him because “if he loved me then he would be fine with the idea of biracial kids”.
he says its unfair to simply breakup because hes wants us together and is asking that i allow him the time he feels he needs to wrap his head around it since its something so unfamiliar to him. ( we live in an upper midwest which is predominantly Caucasians).
He says he wants to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me, the reason he’s stalling is because he just isnt 100% comfortable with the thought of children. i dont doubt his affection for me, i do believe he would make a great husband and father and both our families would be as loving and supportive as they already are. but i’m torn.

i came across your youtube channel and your website, and after binge watching the all your videos i’ve come admire the way you’ve created a support community for interracial couples and families and give many people good advice on their relationships.
i am not sure what kind of advice you could give me but any guidance would be helpful. Have you ever come across one such issue before? what would you advice me to do? should i leave him or show i stick around and wait for him to get comfortable ? if so how can i help him?

Here’s my take.


What say you?

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