It’s amazing what happens when you simply ask a question. Today I asked the women who are part of the 47,000-strong Beyond Black & White fan page what they wished non-black men knew before dating them with astounding response (and hilarious) reactions. There were many, and we noted the themes and kept the most salient. Here are five.
#1 “Get to know ME! You don’t HAVE to acclimate everything in my culture; if you don’t care for a certain thing, you don’t have to force yourself to embrace it. It’s okay to ask questions about things you don’t understand..don’t be scared…cause I’m gonna ask about ALOT of stuff *IMPORTANT* If you invite her over to meet your people and she is ‘the only fly in the buttermilk,’ PLEASE don’t leave her side for a long time.. it’s awkward to have to stand around while people force themselves to make small talk so she feels included. Fill your family in about her ahead of time so they don’t bombard her with so many of the same old questions the whole time. She just wants to feel like she belongs there and not singled out. Just be yourself around her family..she’ll make sure you feel right at home.
#2 “There are going to be times you will have to stand up for me that will not be comfortable. Whether I’m there or not, I need to know that you will be my champion. It’s likely I’ll have to (and will have no problem) doing the same.” —Chrissy
#3 “Don’t ever say “you’re pretty for a black girl” or “I’ve never been with a black girl before.”
#4 “From my past experience, fellas you don’t have to try to talk/act black. If a lady is attracted to white men, she’s attracted to white men you don’t have to pretend to be urban lol.”—Davada
#5 “Assume nothing. We’re individuals with complex, multifaceted personalities, full range of emotions, and varied experiences. Yes, We can sunburn also so pass the sunblock. We might keep a bottle of coconut oil and olive oil in the bathroom. Don’t bring it into the kitchen.”
While some of these may seem like common sense, and others downright hilarious, it doesn’t make them any less true. There’s actually a lot more things, but we’re leaving the rest for some much-needed education by many of the silent men in this group. If you’re a guy interested in dating black women, you might want to print this list and tap it to the bathroom mirror.
What do you think? Are there any other messages you wish non-black men knew before they started interracially dating black women?
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