News Bits: Single Mother Ruins it for Everybody, Gets Daddy-Daughter Dance Banned!

 Statuesque I'm sorry, but only ONE party overreacted. Just because you don't understand how a series of fun events might be relevant for other people does not justify some simpleton going out of her way to ruin it for everyone.

We're not talking about "single mothers in general". We're talking about a special class of single mother that likes to hide behind her status as a single mother as an excuse to take out their own misery on other people.

Somehow, people ALWAYS get it twisted and think people are picking on all single mothers. I don't think so. The mentality of single mothers vary based on how they were raised, their economic status, their education, and especially the circumstances that lead to them raising a child or children by themselves.

Let's be real, now: There is only a certain SEGMENT of single mothers that carry on in a bitter, entitled, and ridiculous fashion. The ones that expect everyone else to stifle themselves because their own situation didn't  work out. These women are about themselves. Everything comes back to THEM, the single mother. Children be damned. That's right, I said it: These women are selfish creatures who use their own children as a red herring for taking their individual unhappiness out on other people.

They have children to mask the loneliness of not having a man around. They blame said children for not being able to keep a man or have a great life. And they are often so focused on their own status that they never get around to properly instructing their sons and daughters as to why following in their footsteps is a bad idea. Largely because (1) to do so would be an acknowledgement that they didn't mean to end up raising children by some dirt bag alone and (2) a selfish need to see their children end up as bad off as they are.

So please, don't get confused, like so many people do: Nobody is hitting out at single mothers "in general". Not every woman that had a child out of wedlock was a fool, and a selfish one at that.

But some women are just sorry. And sorry because of who they are. They just happen to be single mothers.

 Toni_M @Toni_M:  Precisely the reaction I'm talking about is embedded in your response to me.  There is a "type" of mother, single or otherwise, whose children "mask the loneliness of not having a man around" or the type of man whom they believe they should have chosen if he is around, but isn't measuring up in some way.  This type of mother may have become impregnated by a dirtbag, or not.  He could be supporting the child, or not.  A woman who is "focused on her own status" can certainly conduct herself in the manner that this mother under discussion did.  I've seen it, you've seen it and everyone else can surely list examples ad nauseum.  The difference in my perception and what was shared by others here is that I know, based on personal experience, that mothers (indeed people) with this distorted sense of personal entitlement aren't representative of a "type" of single mother who is raising the children of an absent, uncaring father alone.  I don't connect the two because that almost narcissistic level of selfishness and lack of regard isn't caused by circumstances, but who a person is inside.  People like this come from all walks of life and all circumstances.

Where there is not one iota of confusion on my part, is that there was no knowledge of THIS particular mother's situation or status, to warrant some of the comments that were made generally about women folks don't seem to thin much of.  There was extrapolation and condemnation of a situation that no one knew enough about.  The "general" nature of the discussion may not have been about generic single mothers, but it was most certainly directed at the generic "type" of single mother deemed to have made a series of bad choices in life, ultimately warranting this entitled and overblown response to a simple dance.  Frankly, a woman/mother could have a sense of entitlement springing from a number of sources:  Being spoiled as a child, being Daddy's little princess and not being able to keep a relationship with a man without being catered to, being severely depressed after a divorce or being widowed, being a lesbian and ticked off about the gendered approach, being well-off and MARRIED to an emotionally unavailable man, etc. etc.  We STILL do not know everything about the situation that led to this woman being a single mother, so why were people so certain that they knew the deal?

 Statuesque  Toni_M  Statuesque,Oh my goodness, Brenda55  provided an article that explained that this woman was hell bent on getting this dance banned for selfish reasons REGARDLESS  of how she became a single mother. The last few responses on this post I have seen are focused more on her  SELFISH actions over her parental status Stauesque; she rejected the offers of the school to make her feel comfortable with what they were trying to do and gave her several options, she refused and went to the ACLU. SORRY but  all  you are saying this is still a slick  back handed way  of  STILL definding this woman behind alot  of  psycho-babble (GASLIGHTING). frankly I don't care  if she was denied a pony with pink roses and purple hair at the stroke of midnight on her 5 birthday and her "brokneness" led her down a path of misery because said pony was not given to her or some other  analysis.  people know right from wrong for the most part and deep down in her heart she knew that she was not fighting to get this banned for her  child as much as to get her OWN WAY. Your entire response is centered around this one woman and her "rights'  and hurt feelings.never mind the other children that her selfish actions affected, it is just not as important as scolding  others that they are being too hard on her  and should not be because they don't have all the facts to why she decided to act selfishly.  I do not need her biography to know that this woman acted selfishly and personally I think the parents should fight back she is not the only one with "rights" in this  scenario.

 DUsher    DUsher: can decide whatever you wish, just don't assert that you decided knowing anything about her situation.  You don't need to care about her biography or emotional state, but I do find it interesting that the lack of interest led to a pretty robust psychological analysis of her motivation, as attributed to her abandonment by a DBR and jealousy. Girlfriend could just as easily be a bitter lesbian, bitter ex-Real Housewife of Rhode Island, bitter feminist, bitter Daddy-hater etc. etc.  Why would one label be more appropriate when it was ALL conjecture at one point (and kind of still is)?

We have all called her selfish and entitled, but some of us went further and painted the CSI FBI profile of a "typical" single mom who'd been abandoned by a DBR.  I submit to you that there is no "typical" person, man or woman, single of married, abandoned with kids or supported by a millionaire, with such a robust level of entitlement.  

My entire response is in no way centered around this one woman and her rights.  Please read my posts on the subject again because that is not a fair representation of my perspective. Unlike most people here who disagree with the woman in question, I place the most of blame on the superintendent who actually decided to cancel the event.  It was capitulation to a whiner pure and simple, and she should have grown a backbone or found a better way to calm down the situation like a good leader would have done.  I don't think that having or not having the dance is the first step on the road to ruining father-daughter relationships in this school and I stated my rationale for that.  

As for slick psychobable, that one makes me laugh for real!  My defense is of the approach to the discussion that is more  "ready, aim, fire" and less  "ready, shoot, aim" when it comes to what we "know" about this situation.

 EarthJeff

True but I really don't recall anyone denying the impact or that the mother was necessarily right to fight. I know I certainly don't support the mom. I think what people here questioned was an assumption. We still don't know why she's a single mom but that shouldn't be the issue anyway. For example, I believed that mother's day and father's day should be banned because I lost my father in  few years ago and I was depressed and upset the first father's day after he died. In addition, I know many people who get depressed on those days because their parents are deceased. Take that and couple with the fact that some people are struggling with infertility and those holidays are difficult. People may feel sorry for me due to my motives but that doesn't change the fact  I would be wrong if I successfully had those holidays banned.

Based on new info, this mom sounds like a selfish you know what but she likely would have been that way whether or not she was a single mom, divorced, widow, or whatever.

 EarthJeff Thank you Jeff somehow some of the commenters think that  because they did fine without  father daughter specific activities that therefore it is not necessary as a whole. If some father fought to get a mother-daughter activity banned women everywhere would be ticked off including the ones defending this mother tooth and nail. There are so few Father-child activities as it is why kill what is left?

 Brenda55 The more I read, the more I feel like this was never about her kid in the first place. :S

 Toni_M  Brenda55 I think the Mom comes across as being a particularly bitter and obnoxious woman. 

 Brenda55 Thanks for the additional info, btw. I know people were giving Chris grief for the tone of this article, but looking into it, it sounds like she deserves it and then some. You are so upset over a "father/daughter dance", but the men in her life couldn't be bothered to take a day off and escort her? Even she, the mother can't be bothered despite the compromise being offered?

This woman made this issue about HER period, I'm convinced. Her behavior in the original article just felt so over the top to me, like, your child has NO FATHER FIGURES in her life? What are you doing about it? 

Turns out, everyone is too busy to give a damn. Oh, but not too busy to cancel a dance because, "I ain't got a man" oop, I mean "Um, my daughter doesn't have a man...father....I mean her grandfather don't count because he's busy. And this dance is offensive...for reasons."

It looks like anyone sticking up for this woman has egg on their face. This wasn't a case of a single mother who was a victim that needs protection for being called out for the selfish, nasty entitled person that she is. Who made bad life decisions. 

Or are you going to sit there and tell me that a woman who goes on this kind of campaign by herself over a themed dance called "Me and My Guy" despite so many compromises, despite  actually having a male family member to take her daughter (what the heck was that about a lack of father figures?) is clearly not projecting her own unhappiness at this point. Because from what I read at the source, at a certain point, it did not sound like it was about the daughter anymore. It really did not.

@Brenda55 Thank you for sharing this. This makes it very clear this woman was hell bent on shutting down this dance despite the school trying to come to a compromise with her. Then it comes out that the girl DOES have male figures in her life but they were busy or unavailable? So essentially the reason she wanted the dance banned revolve around. HER. This confirmed what some of us suspected that her actions were SELFISH and hopefully those who were loudly defending her will reconsider how they see this.

 Brenda55 The mother just sounds like a miserable person. That's a little sad that she gotta piss on other peoples' joy like that.

 JoyThompson thank you Joy some of the posters are so quick to moddy coddle and defend  this one mother that they take NO consideration for the other little girls who cannot enjoy this event becasue of this mothers selfish approach about it. 

 arlette81 Your observation is true, but those are some exceptions.  A mother who has lost her husband or child's father to death understands the love of a two parent household and I don't believe would prevent an event like this.  After all, if her husband was alive, he would be attending said event.  But a woman who did not vet well or was careless and irresponsible, wants the world to share in her misery.  These are the types that usually have something to say. 

 SwirlQueen  arlette81 Agreed. Also the emphasis on lack of "father figure". What about grandfathers? Even uncles or older brothers. The absence of any type of positive male influence? 

If you aren't willing to provide positive influences for your child, even in the absence of the father in question, then yes, you are at fault. Especially if you think the void in your child's life can be solved by canceling events for other people rather than directly tackling the issue specific to your own child.

 Toni_M  SwirlQueen  arlette81  Toni - it's not just about family either, several years ago my daughter's school held a father-daughter dance and I took my daughter and her best friend (who's father was out of the scene).

 Mark_H  Toni_M  arlette81

 Good for you Mark how noble.  This lady could/should have had something similar in place for her daughter,  But she choose not to do this and if there was no good man available to take her daughter to the dance, that is the mom's fault.  Why ruin it for others because of choices she made?  But again, good of you do take another little girl.

 isistheblogger 

i totally agree with ur comment especially 1&2. i dont think its a big deal at all, maybe its because im English and  am not familiar with these daddy- daughter, mother-son dances. i think making them into parents sport day is more inclusive as a lot of kids dont have fathers around or have parents who are gay or lesbian. the more i think of it the more i support this decision. 

 isistheblogger I agree with your assessment.  I am not going to speculate about how or why the mother is single and it's not my place to judge her.

But I feel that her complaint is a bit baseless.  Even if her daughter's father is not in the picture, I am sure that she has uncles, grandfathers or other male figures that could've taken her to the dance.  I don't know what she was trying to prove by filing that complaint.  

Also agree that the school could've had an alternate event in place rather than the father-daughter dance. 

And well- the ACLU has a history of filing bs lawsuits, so my respect for them is minimal.

@Statuesque Well said.

****involved in their daughters lives. Sorry!

 DUsher wow thats a whole lot of assumptions. how do you know her child's father isn't in her life coz he is dead. Or maybe she doesn't want her daughter to feel left out. 

 arlette81 That is the wonderful thing about the english language, there are words you can utilize to clarify your stance on a matter. I said in my obervation IF she chose poorly then it is her fault. That is fine she did not want her daughter to feel left out but it is not the fault of all these other girls who have fathers that she has no father .They should no have been denied this opportunity.My parents divorced when I was 12 my mother would have never done something like this. If my father was not available, my uncle would have stepped in, but no way would she had campigned to get a dance banned to appease me, she would have found other way for me to feel included even if it meant finding social event outside of the school.

 Jamila  You are right we don't know the whole story but it is possible that she is at fault we do not know for sure. She has selfishly helped to set in motion a ban that will rob future young girls from enjoying this dance long after her kid  is grown and having kids of her own if it is not overturned. She was only thinking of HERSELF. I agree with  another commenter on this feed. It is Political Correctness out of control. When I was growing up if you did not make the cheerleading squad or the baseball or basketball team, You tried out next year, Now we have parents SUING  schools wanting to shut down activities (like this selfish woman) because them not making the team or squad messed with their sense of self worth.  The ACLU is a bunch of bullies with deep pockets.

 DUsher I think a school sports team is a different animal than a father-daughter dance. 

The woman didn't try to have the soccer team banned because her daughter didn't have a father who could come watch her play, she (the mom) said that the school probably shouldn't be sponsoring a non-academic activity. And I think the mom has a point. 

The public school system is evolving in it's intent, and it may be time that non-religious schools stopped sponsoring these types of dances. 

 Jamila  DUsher

 "The public school system is evolving in it's intent, and it may be time that non-religious schools stopped sponsoring these types of dances."

I never thought about it that way. Good point.

 Jamila The motivation for this mother getting the dance banned is that she did not want her daughter to  feel left out.  My point is parents can't go around trying to get everything banned becasue their chid cannot participate, that is why I mentioned the soccer team, cheerleading squad, etc. What next? her kids is lactose intolerant therefore all dairy products should be banned? They have a wear pink day  where the girls wear pink, but becasue her daughter does not like pink therefore it should be  banned so her daughter does not feel left out? and so on.......

I think many (not all) parents nowadays are very entitlement oriented in how they raise their kids, you  don't like something get it banned. When I was a teen  in the 80's this type of foolishness was unheard of. If parents tried to get things removed it was  for  prejudicial (race or gender) reasons. Now days if it hurts their kids "feelings" it should go.

As I aforementioned in aother post, I came from a single parent home,  (Parents divorced when I was 12) so I am not without some understanding of this woman's intent. Sure my brothers and I felt the sting of his absence, but my mother took strides to get us to participate in postitive activities, but she would have NEVER tried to get a healthy activity banned even if we could not participate.

Finally,  "these types of dances"?? what is wrong with a school dances including "these type"?  So whould winter dances go? Spring Dances? Homecoming Dances? prom?? Hey lets get rid of them all since somone is bound to be offended and feel excluded. I can see this mom in a few years wanting to get the prom outlawed becasue her daughter could not get a date  

 DUsher "My point is parents can't go around trying to get everything banned becasue their chid cannot participate, that is why I mentioned the soccer team, cheerleading squad, etc."

Parents most certainly can go around trying to get things banned--and as you can see from this story, sometimes the complaining works. 

I agree with you that the mother comes across as a world-class bish. That I can't deny. 

"What next? her kids is lactose intolerant therefore all dairy products should be banned?"

My daughter can't bring a peanut butter and jelly sandwich to school because some kids are allergic to peanut butter. When she had a small birthday party in her classroom, we couldn't light the candles on the cake--even to immediately blow them out--because no open flames are allowed in the class. 

You might be surprised at what is and is not banned in some public schools.  

"Finally,  "these types of dances"?? what is wrong with a school dances including "these type"?"

 A private school probably could have kept the dance. The issue is that the dance was sponsored by a public school. There is also the fact that the school chose not to fight it--who knows? The school may have won in the end, especially considering the lengths that the school was willing to go to comprise with the mother. I think the school probably didn't want to use their funds (which is understandable) to fight a lawsuit. 

"So whould winter dances go? Spring Dances? Homecoming Dances? prom??"

Don't give the mother any ideas. 

I went to all those dances when I was in high school and had a good time, so I hope they don't all start getting thrown out. 

 Kia I've already quoted some posts here below, but the mods deleted it so I'm not going to continue the discussion about it.  

 Kia

 Exactly!!! Lazy parenting!...