Ever Wonder What White Guys Say About Black Women When We’re Not Around? Well…

Dec 8th, in Relationships, by Christelyn Karazin

I got this note today from Kevin Pyne, a Facebook friend of mine who’s a white guy and mostly dates black women. I think you’ll find this very interesting. More and more non-black men are becoming intrigued with the prospect of dating black women, a group that they once thought was completely off-limits to them. Hear it from the horse’s mouth.

Author : Christelyn Karazin

Author's Website | Articles from Christelyn Karazin

I have dated ethnic women all my life and I’ve always been attracted to them, it’s not that I’m ashamed of me being white I have no desire to be black, Hispanic or Asian this just always been my preference. It also agitates me to know and when people make the very naïve and stupid comments like “well you just try to be black.” Really!? I am probably one the whitest man you’ll ever know, I’m also a conservative I don’t like call myself a Republican but I’m very fiscally conservative just imagine how well that goes over in this last election.

One of the things I find so interesting and at times funny is the fact that people often look at me when I’m out with my dates or so forth and they try to ignore the fact that I’m out with someone of other race it’s almost like being at a party and no one wants to mention the 800 pound gorilla in the room, You know it shouldn’t be a big deal but I catch all the time staring or the slipped remark but they were not able to catch. Believe it or not there are lots and lots and lots and lots of white men that want to date outside their race be Hispanic etc…. mostly black believe it or not but they corner me and thats when thousand and one questions start. I.e. what does she eat, what is she going to wear, does she like to hold hands, does she kiss, is there any special things I have to do to be able to take her out. Now if you knew me you can only imagine how much fun I can have with this. Sometimes I go a little overboard, but I do know when to pull up. The questions can range from that, to questions of sex. It literally amazes me how naïve and ignorant the races can be.

Here’s a perfect illustration. Here in Arkansas I went to the Razorback game. About half time I was with my date she got up and went to the bathroom. At the same time in the seats in front of us were two guys and just at about that time two girls walk by that happens to be black. They saw who I was with so to this day I’m wondering if they purposely were speaking a little louder than normal to get my attention. But to make a long story short the One guy said “wow she sure is hot” about one of the two girls. His friend said yeah and her friends smoking also. I could not help myself but just leaned forward and say why don’t you guys go talk talk to them. A few moments later my date came back and sat down gave her little kiss on the lips. One of the guys turned around finally asking but what if she doesn’t like white guys. I simply told him if she were to tell you that she doesn’t like white guys to say “great I don’t like white guys either, see we already have things in common.” About this time My date rolled her eyes began to laugh but hey it works for her, yeah the one I was with at the ball game originally told me she didn’t like white guys look who she was out with watching a ballgame!! Bottom line I told them finally that look there is no difference between them and a white girls that whatever cheesy ass pick up lines that worked will more than likely work for them the object is get them laughing and get them to start talking to you. Who knows they’re probably all happily married with a bunch swirling babies beautiful as ever. That is just some of the many true stories that I have.

Thanks for sharing, Kevin. Thoughts?

Lanni 5 pts

What do we eat?? Hmmm..FOOD.

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williamthemac 6 pts

I'm hooked on black women! I'm a 26 tear old male and after years of unsuccessful relationships with white women who were just annoying, shallow, materialistic, and who I moreover just tolerated, I started a fling with a Kenyan a couple of years ago from my work. She was living in the states, and even though neither one of us wanted a serious relationship, it was the BEST time I've ever had. She was just down to earth, cool, sexy, fun, and most of all RELAXING to be around with. I didn't feel like I was performing or that I was having to prove something like I did with white women. After that I talked to a friend of mine who had been telling me for years to date a black girl (he was in a long term relationship with a beautiful black woman (he's white)) and I could only just give him an, "I understand" type of look. Since then, I've purposely put aside white women -- I don't pursue them, I don't seek them out. Instead, I've focused my attention on pursuing black women (also other ethnicities such as Asian, Latina, and Indian) and It's been awesoming. Not only is it easier to hit on black women, but it's fun! They respond well to fun flirting, and even if it goes nowhere I had a good time and even made a new friend. Just so down to earth. Great post!

scribner2 6 pts

I dated two black women in college around 1971. It was a time of black power and militancy. I broke off the relationship because I quickly found out that they were: Black first and a Woman second. Also both were narrowminded and were not going to expand their borders. Things may be different now. I am happily married to a lovely white lady.

rishonan 7 pts

Yes, it's hard to believe that in the year 2013, there is so much misunderstanding in regards to romance outside of your race. As if Black women are aliens or something...speaking a totally different language and operating with completely different social rules (give me a break)!

Trell

i love this article! Im from a small town where bi-racial couples isn't really looked highly upon..crazy right, but i guess that's the world of a small town. I've never dated a white guy, but i figured he can't be much different from a black guy...a man is a man!!!! The one thing i've noticed whenever i do come across a bi-racial couple, is that the women usually have (and i don't mean to sound ignorant with this statement) features of white women..i have rarely seen...in fact i have only seen once where a guy was with a black girl who had natural hair, or was a bit thicker. I'm with Mary 1984, I was at a convention for my job over the week and i was the ONLY black woman (there were like 10 white women) amongst 250 men, the majority being white. The older guys flirted in fun...at the bar, like maybe 5 younger white guys actually flirted some others just kept "eye.flirting"!! and there was that one that tried to get me drunk enough to think id sleep with him...that was funny especially bc it didnt happen, but when we got up to my room he asked me if i wanted to know a secret. i asked what and he said that he'd never been with a black woman. it was soooo cute. But im pretty sure many guys probably want to talk to or date a black girl...why NOT go for it? what's the problem? why the distance? if you see someone you like..why not approach them? it isnt the 60's parents should have influence in who you choose to date or marry unless the person is clearly harmful to your existence. But not by their flava!! (yes i said flavor)!!!! someone let me know---what's the secret!!!

AntyPanty 7 pts

I love Kevin. His girlfriend is a lucky lady!

Mary1984 6 pts

Thank you heaps for this article! I adore most white guys...mostly because they can be outrageously funny and intimate and dates are loads of fun.... I live in Utah which is predominantly white and predominantly mormon so I see them looking but they do not approach and its frustrates me...Mentally, I am screaming "Come talk to me", Ask me out...something! Utah culture is very different as well so that is a major factor to in the lack of dates I get.... I am droning on...blah! Thanks again for the article It made me smile

SeanCyphers 97 pts

I've not had those conversations, but I know what it's like to have people try really hard to "not" notice that my fiance is black. The strange thing is that I don't know what dating black girls is like, any more than I know what dating white girls is like. I just know what *she* is like, so I feel like my answer would be "find out for yourself."

pioneervalleywoman 365 pts

I don't think that Mr. PVW has had those types of conversations with other white men about what it is like to date black women; but I know it has come up in some of his past conversations with other white men.

The sense I have is that the men reacted with surprise, it is so unusual. But I do note the looks he (we) might get when we are out together: curiosity, surprise, and a careful glance at me-how am I dressed? How do I speak? How do we interact? It is kind of amusing, when I think of it. In my mind, I'm no different from any other white/Asian/Latina of my type--it is just that my look is different, my features, complexion, my hair texture. I wear the same type of clothes and my hair styles can be in a similar range, even though my hair is natural. Off topic, Christelyn, I have to try that bantu knot style you posted about recently, I just need to figure out how....

I find it interesting, the men who have had the least difficulties in dating interracially seem to be those who worked/lived in interracial environments, or if they didn't, they know they like women and have no qualms about approaching those they find attractive, regardless of race. It seems to me that guys in this latter group have had a measure of self confidence stemming from success with women--this goes a long way. It doesn't hurt if they are of the type as well to say "I want what I want, if you don't like it, that is your problem."

Those in the first category have had the experience of meeting black women as just women they happened to know in their immediate environments. Mr. PVW fit into the first and the other categories--integrated military experience plus lots of success with women when he was single--he was always able to find a girlfriend when he wanted one.

He thought I was attractive and I fit into his range of what he wanted in a woman. Beyond that, he didn't care who would criticize, he likes what he likes, he wanted what he wanted, a bit of a renegade....These are the the mindsets which need to be celebrated, an ideal antidote to the 'GAT-DL/Blackistan" mindset, "they only want you for sex;" or the hypocrisy of "it is okay for me, not for thee" attitude about black interracial dating (okay for black men, not for black women).

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mzsunshine 2619 pts

pioneervalleywoman

" he likes what he likes, he wanted what he wanted"

Sounds like you have an 'alpha man'. Kudos to you. That is type of man I'm seeking, a man who isn't afraid of criticism when he picks me to be his queen.

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He can be a real alpha dog; I am speechless at times. Inside the house, though, the alpha dog relaxes as he knows he is loved, wanted, respected and cared for, so he is content to bask in the comfort of having a nice home environment.

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Statuesque 2075 pts

pioneervalleywoman LOL @ Mr. PVW!

Mr. PVW sounds like a great guy! Mine is also a hybrid...will not be dissuaded from what he wants, always goes his own way, did his share of playing the field but always with high quality women. IMO this kind of man is often the best match for a BW because of the potential challenges with family and the outside world. If a guy like this is in to you, he is in to you. There is no hesitation or hemming and hawing about what people will think. He doesn't give a #%^&.

Statuesque

pioneervalleywoman 257 pts

Statuesque Exactly, men like that go for it, no hesitation at all, which is why they are too cool for words. Thus it is so important to provide that nurturing and safe energy for them; being the woman who has "their back" is crucial for them because their first loyalties are to the important people in their lives whom they deem worthy of their trust, especially because they are not naive about what the outside world can be like.

On another thread, I think I saw you note something to that effect about your boyfriend, his willingness to be his own man on his own terms, for example, and take you out to places in his world where you would rarely see black women.

The funniest you mentioned was his telling you about riding shotgun in a truck "redneck woman style." I can imagine what it means, because Mr. PVW had a truck when we were dating. I remember drives in the summer time with the windows open and putting my feet up on the dash as I admired my summertime pedicures. Nothing risque, but suggestive, perhaps? I recall the looks we would get from people in nearby cars...Priceless.

Brenda55 21018 pts moderator

pioneervalleywoman Statuesque

"Statuesque Exactly, men like that go for it, no hesitation at all, which is why they are too cool for words. Thus it is so important to provide that nurturing and safe energy for them; being the woman who has "their back" is crucial for them because their first loyalties are to the important people in their lives whom they deem worthy of their trust, especially because they are not naive about what the outside world can be like."

Well heck I don't have tp post any thing on this thread. I just have to co-sign the stuff you all are writing.

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Brenda55 pioneervalleywoman PVW what you are saying is so true!!! We have the same dynamic evolving that you describe with Mr. PVW. We are still dating and peeling back the layers, but we've both passed some important tests in a short amount of time. I know I have made a friend for life, no matter what may or may not evolve from our romantic relationship.

I was in a serious relationship with a different kind of man prior to being with... Mr. Statuesque. ;) His parents utterly disapproved of our relationship and there was a long battle for his very tortured soul that I decided to let his parents win, not because they directly interfered, but because not receiving their approval reduced the man I had fallen in love with into Lucy with an emotional football.

So it was pretty ironic for me to be invited "home," especially when it wasn't clear that Mr. Statuesque's family was overjoyed either, but they know him and therefore know that he will not tolerate any nonsense. It was a great experience because he showed me that, wherever we go, we'll be together and I'll be looked after. It's one thing to walk hand in hand in major metropolitan areas and quite another to walk into the kind of bar where the record scratches because a Black person appears.

Yeah redneck style is apparently all about windows down, country music blaring, and driving slowly with one arm around your woman. We got some looks too. People just couldn't believe it. We thought it was hilarious.

LOL I am not petite so I couldn't put my feet up on the dash, but what a great way to spend a summer afternoon with your alpha dog! You go girl....

Statuesque I'm glad hear things are going well with "Mr. Statuesque;" his gain, the other guy's loss....no guts, no glory, etc.....

That sounds too funny, Mr. S's version of redneck style riding! That is definitely alpha, his self confidence...

Funny, I'm not petite either (5'7") but it is a matter of curling up in a ball!

vthewriter 266 pts

Back in my college days, my friends and I were absolute pigs. We'd get ready to go out on a Saturday night, and we'd discuss women like we'd discuss take-out. "I feel like Indian tonight." "I'm in the mood for Puerto Rican." We were testosterone-fueled horn-dogs.

As time went on, we began to settle more into dating "types." I gravitated toward more feminine women (not weak; feminine). Another friend like politically liberal women. Another one decided he liked them college-aged.

The point I'm trying to make is that, after spending time feasting across the racial buffet, we learned that it's not reasonable to categorize women based on race. Women are women.

I guess because of my past, I get a bit dumbfounded when I hear about guys who don't know how to approach black women, as if black women are a separate species of woman. I can understand being attracted to black women; in my opinion y'all are generally more physically attractive than others (I know society says otherwise but I don't much listen to society). Just think about the type of woman you want. Would you prefer her to be a certain color? Find your type in that color and approach the type, not the color.

I married a cheerleader. She also happens to be a lovely piece of dark chocolate. But my approach was based on the fact that she's a cheerleader. It worked. If you try to approach a woman based on her skin, you're likely to fail. If you approach your type, you'll succeed across color lines.

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MySmile 4299 pts

vthewriter "If you try to approach a woman based on her skin, you're likely to fail. If you approach your type, you'll succeed across color lines"

This is SO true!!! Some wm (especially online) try to get with a black woman thinking that just because she likes white men, she will take any white man. I've had this happen to me recently. I commented picture of an IR on a facebook fan page...and this guy with a pretty big ego decides to try to talk to me. He gave me his number right away and when I told him I don't talk to guys over 29 (I'm 23 and he was 39) ..he was surprised and proceeded to talk about how many women under 25 try to talk to him and so on... He also had an "I love black girls" shirt on in his profile pic, and had several pictures at parties with good looking bw...and thug-ish looking black men.. seemed like the cocky white dude who hangs around all the black people..I don't have a specific type, but there are things I generally dislike..and I also don't date guys that much older than me, period. The point is, we weren't even each other's type for several reasons...he just tried to talk to me because I was black and he knew I liked white guys. I wasn't offended by him trying to talk to me, but I was a little annoyed by his reaction when I turned him down (nicely!). I narrow it down to white men who fit my criteria. I like men who are at least kind of traditional when it comes taking me out on dates , being a gentleman, etc...stereotypical "nice guys" but not punks or pushovers...Confident nice guys! Like you said, find your type in that color, and approach the TYPE you like!! You said you like feminine women, so you would not approach a black woman who was rough around the edges or tomboy-ish....and you shouldn't, because that's not your type!

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BWWithOtherBrothers 421 pts

MySmile vthewriter Well done. You VETTED him nicely. Do my best to hip the sisters on my page about that. Many other brothers do not take rejection from a BW well and they reveal a DBR side. Vet sisters, vet!

Also chill on 'liking' their photos telling them they're cute, etc. it is not becoming. See for yourself go to a WM's page who has many BW 'friends' and they rush to compliment every little thing and flock to like any lousy photo as he barely uses 4 words in a sentence toward them.

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BWWithOtherBrothers MySmile vthewriter

Thanks! I try to vet as much as possible..you got that right about revealing a DBR side...Good advice!!

I didn't like or comment on any of his pictures though. He wasn't even attractive to me..too "wigger" ish...We are both part of an Interracial group/ fan page on facebook..and I commented on a picture of a couple...he saw that I commented and sent me a friend request and a message because he lived in the same city. Also, under the picture on the fan page I was saying that I have a thing for guys with facial hair...so when he messaged me, he said "I see you like guys with facial hair...I have facial hair, we live in the same city, and you're attractive..this is getting better by the moment". ..lol like that's all it takes to have a connection! I did appreciate and say thank you for the compliment though. He also messaged me " i mean i am 39 but everyone says i look 27,28, but i dont have kids, no drama, but its all good take care"...tell me that's not the classic dbr pick up line "I don't have drama"...okay, good.but again, that's not all it takes...plus it's not about how old the guy looks..that's not the main reason I don't date guys that much older.

At the end, even after I declined (again, I was very nice about it), he still tried. His last message was this: " listen what are you doing right now? lets do dinner, sit, talk, eat, thats it then you never have to speak to me again if you choose, what do you think?" Nothing rude or anything, so I wasn't mad...but I had already told him I don't date men over 29....I told him I couldn't and had to study for an exam and he never responded back. Something tells me he's not used to hearing no from bw....

onmywayup 1919 pts

MySmile BWWithOtherBrothers vthewriter

"Also chill on 'liking' their photos telling them they're cute, etc. it is not becoming. See for yourself go to a WM's page who has many BW 'friends' and they rush to compliment every little thing and flock to like any lousy photo as he barely uses 4 words in a sentence toward them."

I think she meant in general. We all know you wouldn't do something like that MySmile, but there are a lot of young women who would. :/

onthewaydown MySmile vthewriter Thanks @onthewaydown I did mean in general and @MySmile took it the right way I have spoken to and complimented her around the time she joined this page (I'm Dee Dee Russell).

My thoughts on IR groups on Fakebook? They are a complete waste of time and yeh you vetted him well "no drama'"=equals DRAMA. That dude sounds like a horny DBR WM. Fakebook is swimming grounds for other brother sharks taking advantage of the many BW who do not know how to vet them. Also most, not all, are Keyboard Romeos hiding behind the computer toying with sisters. Can you tell I'm over Fakebook? ;)

BWWithOtherBrothers onthewaydown vthewriter MySmile lol yea I knew you weren't trying to attack me or anything lol I was just clarifying...even when you don't chase the guys, some still assume you're desperate or that you will date them..and yea I can tell you're over fb lol...Most of those guys on the interracial groups/ fan pages are creeps!! lol.. this one guy was like "I need me some dark meat" and two people liked his comment -_- ugh!!! I just like the pictures of couples...and sometimes comment..I don't interact much with them.

KingsDaughter 4990 pts

MySmile BWWithOtherBrothers onthewaydown vthewriter "I need me some dark meat" ??? What kind of person says things like that? EWWWW

KingsDaughter Creepy people!!! lol...I told this guy I hang out with and even he thought that was extremely weird...Dark meat? Wtf? I'm not a Thanksgiving Turkey lol

MySmile Creepy, yes! Sounds like somebody who could lock you up in their basement . *shudder*

Seenyc 834 pts

Last summer I was walking down the street in midtown and walked up on these three young white guys talking. When I got up closer to them, I heard one say, "...white girls get ashy too." I didn't know the entire context of thier conversation for that reply, but I wanted to high-five dude for speaking up like that. It made me laugh to myself as I continued down the street.

Bellatrix79 476 pts

Seenyc With all of these lotion commercials with white women in them? lol

Bellatrix79 LOL, you know?!

m008 147 pts

Seenyc Oh, mercy. *falls out*

LaFemmeSphinx 286 pts

....I told them finally that look there is no difference between them and a white girl...

"The only difference between dating a white girl and a black girl is that when a black girl asks you if her pants make her ass look fat you say 'hell yeah!'"

-Turk (Scrubs)

I find this is true in most cases. Lol.

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FriendsofJay 1980 pts

LaFemmeSphinx Fantastically great answer!

greengirl7 330 pts

Kevin: “I simply told him if she were to tell you that she doesn’t like white guys to say “great I don’t like white guys either, see we already have things in common.””

That’s hilarious.

“I told them finally that look there is no difference between them and white girls”

Spreading the message that BW are just “women”, and vice versa: that WM/non-BM are just “men”, will do a lot to help break down the “race” walls between BW and WM/non-BM.

“they corner me and thats when thousand and one questions start. I.e. what does she eat, what is she going to wear”

They should be asking us these questions. Here, I’ll answer:

“What do BW eat?”

Pine needles, fermented fairy dust, and dandelion shadows mostly. Unless we’re on a diet, then we limit ourselves to ostrich feathers and the freshly picked dreams of squirrels.

“What do BW wear?”

Well, we don’t technically “wear” anything, we encase ourselves in a wax-like substance colored and shaped to resemble normal-people’s-clothes.

If they have any more questions send them to this blog, and we’ll gladly answer.

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PamelaFoster 666 pts

greengirl7

hiliarious lady! just goes to show you there is so much that needs to be learned/taught...

folasad58421961 5 pts

As a light bright black women i have gotten nothing but steam generally from white men as light and non black looking as i look ive still been insulted by them not all but some so i suppose as ignorant as blk american men can b to me white men still get no love from me im working on my issues however

folasad58421961 Well at least you acknowledge that these are your issues. That is a positive start towards healing.

folasad58421961

This caramel-skinned sister says learn your languages and look for the other brothers from overseas who appreciate you. :-)

SirLoinDeBeef 2668 pts

When she's around: "Wow, did you look at the lovely Black woman over there?"

When she's across the room, to your white friends: "Jezuzus, did you see the rack on that Black babe?"

When she's nearby: "I'd really like to think about spending the rest of my life with that Black woman."

When she's in the 'powder room,' to any other white male nearby: "Oh, Gawd, I'd love to spend 10 minutes in the back of my SUV with that Black babe?"

Need I say more?

DWB 8905 pts

SirLoinDeBeef So, the same as guys talk about every other woman, huh? :-)

AminahMatthews 603 pts

SirLoinDeBeef

lol!

EarthJeff 3605 pts

SirLoinDeBeef "Need I say more?"

Nope, 'Nuff said. Cosign....

Yea, I like that post too. Chris, see if you can get him to share MORE true stories.

BrwnBeauty 79 pts

Awesome post!!!

THANKS for sharing.

hokieguru 9 pts

This was a terrific post :)

kiki100 630 pts

I have done the dating online thing and I am just not running into that many wm that are interested. It takes more work for those not in the popular crowd. Kudos to those who are doing it.

hummingbird78 50 pts

kiki100 hang in there! my "rainbeau" found me on an online dating site. i had to meet and delete (lol) quite a few e-frogs before my prince came along. when you meet yours, it will all be worth it!

dfcwrites1 16 pts

kiki100 I went through a few e-frogs too with online dating before I met the WM who would become my husband [married 11 yrs next month - already, heesh!]. Hang in there. It can feel like a numbers game/job sometimes, but meeting the one for you makes it all worth it. That's why it smart to not limit prospects to race [or even age - my hubby is 8 yrs younger].

ChristineB 53 pts

With the online thing, I have a question. I have a friend (not me) who is in her early 40s, but could easily pass for her late 20s-early 30s. Physical fitness is very important to her and it shows. Unfortunately, because of her age, she gets a lot of older men she doesn't deem attractive physically and gets excluded by men near or younger than her age. Another friend advised her to change her age on her profile to reflect that she is in her mid-30s, maybe 35 or 36. I honestly didn't know how to advise her on this as she wants kids, too. Any thoughts (not to steer off topic too much here)?

Sunshine789 752 pts

ChristineB I would not lie about the age, because I would personally cut someone off as soon as I found out about the dishonesty. If she deleted her age altogether, I wouldn't have a problem with that, though. But from a practical standpoint, she is at the very end of her childbearing years at 40, so she needs to hustle. The good thing about older men is that they are more likely to be read to get down to brass tacks when it comes to having a kid. Younger guys are not. It is not fair, but as women we have a shorter window. I feel like she will have better luck finding an older mate who will be down with having a kid right away. If she is stuck on the physical, she might have to write off having a kid naturally and be open to adoption, or just do a sperm donor on her own. The younger guys who are hung up on dating a younger aged girl are usually the guys who are not ready to settle down.

Oaktown Paul 859 pts

ChristineB Depends. Personally, I have different reactions when I learn someone has lied about their age. Sometimes it bothers me, and sometimes I will "understand" and let a small deception go --- especially when the true age is described in the text of the profile. My suggestion: Post a clearly current (dated) photo that shows she looks young for her age. I am sometimes more impressed when I know someone is taking care of themselves. But, if she feels the need to list a younger age, do not understate your age by more than 4 years. This is one of those situations where a bigger lie is going to generate a bigger negative response.