I’m open to dating a man with children, but that depends on the man and his particular circumstances. If he was married to the mother of his children and is now divorced I see no problem with dating him; I figure he tried to have a loving home and family but things didn’t work out. It happens. I would even date a man with one kid that was born out-of-wedlock. ( Full disclosure: I have one daughter and I have not ever been married.) But I wouldn’t date a man with more than one child that was born out-of-wedlock. What are your standards when it comes to deciding whether or not you will date a man with kids?
If I knew in my early 20′s what I know now, I would not have ever dated a man with kids until I reached the age of 30, and only then would I date him if he was a very exceptional specimen. Some young girls don’t realize it, but getting involved with a man who has kids is a major investment of your time and resources and will seriously hamstring your ability to make decisions in the future if you choose to marry a man with kids by another woman.
First of all, there is the money issue. A man who has kids has to provide financially and emotionally for his children. So if a man is doing what he should be doing for his kids that do not live in the same home as he does, then that means that any woman he dates–any future family he creates–is getting his ‘leftover’ time and money. If he is bringing less money home–because he has to pay child support–then that means less money to purchase a home, less money to fund a retirement plan, and less money to take care of any future children he may have with his future wife.
A man who has children will have to stay close to his children. You will not be able to up and move across the country or across the world on the the drop of a dime because he has to stay close to his kids so that he can consistently spend with them.
Is his ex a nutcase? Say, “Hello BabyMama Drama!” if you choose to get involved with him.
Was he married when he had his children? If a man has more than one child and has never been married you might want to run for the hills if marriage is something that you see in the future for yourself. If he didn’t want to marry the woman he had two or three kids with, why would he be serious about marrying and you haven’t given him any kids?
Getting involved with someone with children is a decision that should not be taken lightly, and in my humble opinion it’s a choice that no educated, ambitious young black women with no children of her own should hesitate to make.
There are obviously other factors to consider. When you don’t want any children of your own you might prefer to date a man who already has kids so that you don’t have to give him any. You might also choose to date a man with kids if you are older and/or already have kids of your own so his having kids isn’t a big issue for you.
Whatever you decide when it comes to mating and relating to a man with kids, make sure you choose wisely, thoughtfully and with an eye to your own future ambitions.
I know they say never say never, but I'm going to say it: Never! I really wouldn't want a man that has a kid for various reasons, including those listed in the OP. I'm sorry there are just too many things that come with men with children (even under the BEST conditions) for me to even consider this. Even if I'm older and still single, I just couldn't do it.
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