I’m a 29 year old, single black woman (of caribbean descent). I’ve lived overseas for a few years and I’ll soon be returning home to the UK, where I plan to date with a view towards a serious relationship and eventually marriage.

Before I moved overseas, I would only date black men. They were the only men I had eyes for. Unfortunately they didn’t ever take me seriously. All the black guys I’ve dated have cheated and have been unwilling to commit. The last one was emotionally abusive and extremely deceptive (he had another girlfriend the whole time). When I look back I feel like none of those men realised my value/worth.

With all this in mind I feel like I am past the point of considering black men as long term partners. So this is where I start to feel conflicted.

I’m very proud to be black and I would describe myself as being an afrocentric, pro-black woman. With this in mind, I feel extremely conflicted. How can I be taken seriously as an afrocentric woman if I have a non black partner on my arm? I’m not focusing solely on white men, just generally non black men.

Something else I don’t want to have to deal with are the issues of colorism, a lack of cultural pride or shame attached to black hair. I’ve met many black men who hold counterproductive views in these areas. I know how I want to raise my children and I won’t be bringing them into an environment where one of their parents feels this way. Am I naive in thinking problems won’t arise in these 3 specific areas if I find a non black partner?

I know the grass isn’t always greener but I’m being realistic with myself and future dating prospects and I feel like this is the change I need.

I look forward to hearing your insights.

“Ruby”

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Here’s my take…