Attraction or Self Hate?

Written by Saran Lawson

This subject is a little sensitive in the Interracial Dating community. So, I’m going to handle it as delicately as I can. I was skimming Facebook when I ran across an interesting article. Madelyn Chung, the author of the article shares her story with the message “Because people of color can *absolutely* internalize problematic ideas about ourselves”.  She explains that she is Chinese, and grew up in a predominantly white town. There weren’t many Asian men to date, however, she chose not to date Asian men. Her explanation was, She felt pairing with an Asian guy would make her “seem more Asian”.  This idea is a long debated topic about interracial dating. There are people who date interracially who are often open to dating people of their own background. Then, there are people who are like how this woman described herself in the past. They are vehemently against dating people who look like them. The reasons can be any of these:

                Adjusting their proximity to whiteness

                Distancing themselves from harmful stereotypes

                Running away from trauma caused by someone of their ethnic background

I met a guy who told me in our first interaction that he DOES NOT date Asian women, and he is Asian. His reasoning was, he has been hurt by members of his family and now doesn’t want any part of them. I’m not going to lie, I am leery of people who are against dating people of their own ethnic background. My viewpoint stems from a few factors. If you are against dating people of your own background based on experiences with a few men/women. I can guarantee you, you can also find those same people in other ethnicities. Douche Lords belong to no set ethnicity, I assure you. Secondly, saying “I’m not attracted to that ethnic group” is tricky. You may find people of other ethnicities attractive. However, ruling out someone based on skin color or other ethnic deciding features becomes a dicey game.  It’s like research, you haven’t sampled enough of the population to make that call. Most of the time these people can find at least two celebrities they find attractive in that group. Historically people of color have been made to feel ashamed of things that people now pay to get (darker skin, bigger lips, wider hips, larger butts, etc.) We were made to feel ashamed of cultural things like food and garments that have been gentrified (Ever heard of the saying, “Ghetto until proven fashionable”?).

I believe you should date whoever you want. My only message in this article is, do some inside work. Are you open to dating other ethnicities because you have no preference? Are you a believer you can find the one, and they may not necessarily look like you? Or, is it because you reject the idea that your children may someday inherit your features (trust me this exist)? Is it because you think that the people you dated gave that ethnicity a bad name and is now a norm for that culture? Check your preferences and make sure they aren’t rooted in racial biases. Attraction is the easiest way to makes excuses for personal biases. This is a message for people who won’t date outside their ethnicity as well. Dating can be about finding love or lust, but I want people to know racism, harmful stereotypes and self-hate can live there too. What are your thoughts on the subject? Sound off in the comment section below.  



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