Dating & Marrying Ethnic Men

Dear Iyanla: We No Longer CARE Why Black Men Won’t Date Black Women

Last night I caught wind of an interview Iyanla Vanzant did with three black men of various age groups (20’s, 30’s, 40’s) who refused to date black women, citing reasons such as we’re all angry, we hate black men who don’t dress like thugs, and so many of us are so sexually hyperactive that a man who chooses to be celibate can’t find ANYONE who will go on that journey with him.

It’s all bullshit, but here’s the video.

Later in the video I guess Iyanla tries to set them up with black women who defy their stereotypes, but I didn’t watch that part, because frankly, I and many other black women no longer care WHY some black men won’t date them.

The time is over when black women wring their hands and bite their fingernails worried about their perpetual single hood, trying to hit the ever-moving target about that they need to “change” about themselves in order to find a Good Black Man™️. All those books written by black men with questionable motives coaching black women to lower their standards and go to the Build-a-Brother Workshop are no longer needed by many black women who have put up deuces, gotten off the hamster wheel, and entertain the idea of dating men of all races who will celebrate them, and not simply tolerate them.

In short, no one here gives crap why some black men don’t date black women because they are free to date anyone they wish, as are we. There has been a literal sea change in black women’s attitudes about interracial dating since Simon and Schuster published my book, Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate, Mixing Race, Culture and Creed. Just look around–black women are finding love with men that look like this…


and this…


Closeup shot of happy young couple looking at eachother and smiling at caf??. Multiethnic couple having breakfast with a cup of coffee and orange juice. Happy young couple having fun during breakfast with brioches.


and this…

Happy couple - black woman and Caucasian man - walking and running down a beach in their vacation

…and even (still) this…

close up portrait of smiling afro american college couple

So in closing, Iyanla, we are no longer pressed about what a segment of black men do or don’t do, will or won’t do, say or don’t say about black women. Many of us have released them, and we have moved on to men who will love and celebrate us. So no need to work trying to cajole, convince, and guilt these men into liking us again. We no longer care.



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