Not sure if you ladies are aware of the INCREDIBLE amount of non-black men lurking on this blog. Why are they here? Research and intelligence gathering, of course. Some have already dating black women in the past, some are currently dating or even married to black women, and other are here straggling along the fence. This post is for the straggling dudes. As many of you know, Jordan is my dear friend–and he knows his stuff. –Chris
By Jordan Harbinger,
The Art of Charm co-founder
In my line of work as a coach, I often encounter men who want to date interracially but seem to lose their confidence to approach. They erroneously believe that no other race of women will be romantically interested in them besides their own. I find it particularly puzzling when it comes to white guys interested in dating black girls. A lot of them have an irrational fear that black women are going to cut them off at the knees before he has a chance to ask for her number. Or perhaps his ‘game’ is so weak he engages a woman in an inane conversation about…the weather, or her sparkly nail polish in an attempt to make a connection, but won’t have the guts to see it through. Remember guys, women of a different race and/or culture might be used to a certain kind of overture and they could have totally missed that you have absolutely no interest in the weather or her nails, at least only to the extent that those fingers might end up fondling your hair or create welts on your back. They TOTALLY missed that, because your target girl just thought you were being “nice,” and not coming on to her.
Again, social interaction is heavily influenced by culture. A lot of times what we’d consider ‘flirting’ with a girl of our own ethnicity might not even ping the radar of a girl from another culture. For example, direct eye contact and simple conversation can be very forward when speaking to an Asian woman, however, when flirting with a Latina or a Black woman, we need to up the touch a bit in order to keep up. This has to do with how the members (guys) of their own culture interact with each other (girls).
Often women of a different race aren’t EXPECTING guys from another ethnicity to be interested in them. I’ve approached more than a few black women and realized that often, they just think I’m being friendly until I turn things up a notch or make my intentions SUPER clear. Often, they’re surprised, because they just don’t expect “white guys” to step up to the plate. They’re pleasantly surprised that white boys can have “swagger” too.
The key is to not let fear of rejection cripple you. Sure, there could be non-white women who aren’t going to be into you because you’re white, but you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how many actually are open to the idea.
And to the ladies who are frustrated that non-black men seem too timid in their approach, here’s some insight into why some of them might be reluctant: If you’re rejected by someone of the same race, chances are it’s because you’re not her type. If you get rejected by someone of a different race, you might wonder if she passed because was wasn’t into swirling–and you weren’t her type. That’s a double whammy!
Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach. He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company. If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm team, then visit https://www.pickuppodcast.com. You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook or Twitter .