Why Do You Feel You Have to Explain?
So much guilt I sense in reading some of the notes BB&W followers have about their preferences for non-black men–so much ringing of the hands. Why do we feel like we owe our community an explanation for our inclinations?
In the African American colorist caste system, women like me and darker are set at a disadvantage if they limit their dating options within the community, because there clearly is a pattern of preference toward lighter skinned black women or white, Asian or Hispanic women. I used to deem this disparity unfair, and was accused of hypocrisy. How can I say it’s okay for us to have preferences while we condemn black men of theirs? The difference is that the women whom they overlook often believe they have no agency in seeking options outside of their community, all the while seeing their counterparts doing so. This leads to anger, frustration and feelings of inferiority on the part of the women who are overlooked. My solution? You might feel like you’re in chains, but you’ve had a key in your hand the whole time. Free your mind, sisters.
And finally, it should be noted that preferences change over time, based on life experiences with people of certain races as groups. Lawd knows my preferences have changed.