There is no shortage of relationship books being marketed to women. In such a flooded field, a book that would be worth your time to read needs to make a value proposition that the savvy consumer can’t resist. Author Roslyn Hardy Holcomb has created a relationship book that offers tremendous value and, best of all, the book is FREE to download.
In “Men Aren’t Stupid. And Nine Other Free Lessons That Will Change Your Life,” Hardy lays out for the reader the 10 lessons that if every women learned she would probably never again have need of another relationship book.
For starters, I have to tell you what I like best about this book–the author of the book is actually qualified to write what she wrote. Hardy has been a counselor and a therapist; therefore, she actually has some professional credentials and work experience to back up her theories. And, in other other words, she is not someone trying to make a quick buck off of you like so many self-styled relationship gurus. Personally, I long ago stopped buying relationship books from authors who 1) had no credentials, i.e., a master’s in social work or some other qualifications which indicated that this person had actual professional experience in the advice-giving industry, or 2) the person had a tremendous amount of experience doing things the wrong way, and could thus offer useful advice on how to avoid certain pitfalls (See: Tracy McMillan’s book, “Why You’re Not Married…Yet).
“Men Aren’t Stupid” is a short read (it came in at 37 pages as a PDF document) but it packs a punch. Hardy Holcomb’s writing gets right to the gist of what her message is–she’s straightforward–but she talks with style and sense of humor.
‘Reason’s Don’t Matter’ may be the most controversial chapter, but that only means that it’s the chapter that women who are seeking a relationship most need to read. Some women will often try to ‘prove’ to a man that she is deserving of his love and commitment by going above and beyond for him, looking the other way when an issue needs to confronted, and/or hoping that his feelings towards her will change once she shows him how good she can be for him. One outcome of this tendency towards rationalization on the part of some women is to start looking for reasons why whatever this man did in the past should be overlooked now and in the future. But, according to Hardy, the reasoning behind this man’s previous actions don’t matter, the only thing that really matters is how his past will affect you in the present:
The fact of the matter remains the reasons are unimportant. The question you have to ask is what impact does this behavior have on you? It doesn’t matter why old boy has a baby mama who belongs in a psych ward. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with a man who has a crazy woman on his six? Fine, he has messed up credit because his mama/cousin/brother/sister forged his name. Are you willing to accept living in a broke down trailer or some bombed out neighborhood because of his abysmal FICO score?…But remember, this is your life, not a dress rehearsal. And trust me, when his headcase of an ex-girlfriend shows up on your doorstep at two in the morning with an ax handle and a jar of denture cream those reasons won’t be there to protect you from the wrath of the crazy.
In a chapter titled ‘Don’t take relationship advice from men’ Hardy explains why buying all those books from male relationship gurus is probably not helping you to get any closer to an actual relationship. For starters, why should a woman spend more time on trying to understand men than she spends on trying to understand herself and looking for what she wants in a man? Hardy likens trying to figure out men while looking for the keys to unlock a successful relationship with a man as similar to trying to play two hands of cards–your own and your opponents. You are expending a tremendous amount of energy over analyzing something (and someone) that you have no control over. And if you don’t know by now, Hardy has already told you–men aren’t stupid. Men are aware of what you are trying to do. Men know that most women want to get married; men know that most women want commitment. So instead of trying to figure out all of the tricks players play, you should instead spend time looking for a mate who wants to willingly give you what you want.
Which leads us to the final lesson in Hardy’s book, a lesson she says she had the foresight to begin spreading years ago: “If a man wants you nothing will keep him away. If he doesn’t, nothing will make him stay.™” You can take that lesson to the bank.
Visit Roslyn Hardy Holcomb’s website. Download “Men’t Aren’t Stupid. And Nine Other Free Lessons That Will Change Your Life!” HERE.
Jamila Akil is a senior editor at Beyond Black and White. Follow her on Twitter @jamilaakil