Multiple Choices: The A, B, C’s of Romance

Aromatherapy: Your nose knows best, so what scent turns you on? Certain smells can brings your mate to a homey and comfortable place and time. Find out what smells emits feelings of family and love and then use it frequently to set the mood. Try a woodsy scent like Cedar wood, or something more neutral like lavender. Scientists say scent is closely related to sexual arousal so if your man really likes the way home smells, he may show you as soon as he hits the door.

Bathe together: There’s nothing more soothing to tired muscles than a luxurious bath. Do you own a home? Why not make the leap to a couples bathroom complete with a large Jacuzzi tub, a steam booth or shower built for two? Pick up a two headed shower arms and never leave your partner out while its your turn to get under the water. This only applies if you’re actually showering during the shower….some people might not.

Caress One Another: The power of touch is a centering force and we don’t use our natural ability to heal ourselves often enough. Touching sets off an abundance of feel good chemicals in the brain. Endorphin’s can relieve stress, improve your immune system and is one of my main ways of showing affection. Offer your partner a gentle shoulder rub, a massage or a great big bear hug to re-connect.

Date your partner: Are you hoping to ‘get through’ the dating phase so you can plop down in the comfy settled life of you and your partner? Friday movie night on the couch. Monday night football on the couch. Wed night True Blood episodes on the couch…you see how this may get old really quick? When was the last time you danced with your partner (in public)? When was the last time you two got dressed to the nines and had a night on the town? Routines are boring. Your relationship deserves time to be carefree.

Empathy: Its easy for one partner to turn in to the ‘caretaker’ and the other the ‘taken care’ of. Be mindful when you’ve had ample floor time. Thank your partner for listening to your grips, but make sure to offer them your ear after you’ve blown your steam. Don’t let it always be about you. It’s not all about you.

Flirt: Send suggestive text messages or leave a voice mail full of whispers of what’s to come as soon as he gets home from work. Invitation cards written out with a what and a where will leave his imagination to wander on the many impending hows. Lay an amazing smacker on her before dashing off to the train; she’ll be eagerly awaiting to finish it later on that evening. Learn ways to keep your partner interested during the time between the between the sheets time.

Gratitude: Why did you choose your mate? You should have a multitude of answers to that question. Now tell your partner these reasons. Let them know what it is about them you find so special. Tell them in specific words and instances. Tell them how much you cherish their ability to do that thing they do for you that you need them to do. Sometimes individuals are walking in the dark and don’t know what’s going right while they’re trying to keep their mate happy. Express the ways they accomplish this and then thank them. Expect the same in return.

Humor: Chile, bye. Wanna know how a guy’s got me? I’ll laugh loud LOUD and HARD….I bend over and clutch my stomach, tears will stream from my eyes and when I’ve finally calmed down, I suddenly got hearts for pupils. Life is hard, so having someone next to you who can make the bumps in the road something giggle worthy is priceless. Besides, a good sense of humor is also an indicator of higher intelligence. Or there was that time me and the boo had finally saved up enough coins for our first ‘we grown and live together sex-say’ satin sheets and realized its really easy to get ‘bumped’ off the bed. *rubs forehead scar*

Intimacy: Is your partner your best friend? And if so, why not? Again, if there was an island and Regis Philbin offered you your choice of life partner for the duration, would you make the same mistake twice? Private language. Couples communication. A shared love or hobby. Being with someone involves a form of bonding within your daily routine, anything less is simply ‘friends with benefits’ or church sanctioned roommates. Don’t be that couples.

Jealousy: Keep it at bey. We can all be envious from time to time, but this is only nature’s way of telling us we have more goals to work toward. Feeling green about the killer body on your hub’s new secretary? No problem, you too can have a killer bod, with a little work and elbow grease you can make improvements to yourself. Refocusing negative energy into positive motivation helps alleviate feelings of insecurity, which are where feelings of jealous rise from.

Kindness: A little goes a long way. Relationships aren’t about battling, competing, or nagging the shit outta each other. Give some space. Hand over a beer and walk away. Do what you can to make your partner know that you’re on their team. Reality is cruel, allow them to live in fantasy land when with you. They’ll love you long time for it!!

Love your partner and others. I don’t understand where this culture of lack of love came from. When my partner shares and expands on their love they stretch their capacity to love me also. Love a pet. Love a hobby. Love your grandparents. The heart is a muscle, strengthening it makes it stronger, and so  much more durable for the long haul.

Mean what you say: The ability to be consistent and decisive is the secret to building trust and a dedicated partnership. Your mate should be able to depend on your word when given. Your mate should be confident in your ability and willingness to meet them half way. It never ceases to amaze me when one part of a couple is fly by night and the other is consistently playing catch up. Being in a relationship is about commitment, do that and don’t waver in your presence and watch your relationship take on a whole new level of intimacy and trust.

Negotiate: Keep your Opinion about non-issues to yourself. Why? Because sometimes your partner just wants to make a comment, a remark, or a decision independent of your approval. Some people don’t get this facet; sharing information shouldn’t necessarily mean an invitation to pick, analyze or correct. Just STFU…….sometimes. Remind your partner to do the same and see how much cleaner the air will be.

Orgasms: Involve increased blood flow, improve circulation, releases feel good brain chemicals in addition to working out that heart. Orgasms compliment an improved mood, serenity and relation. It’s like a glass of wine and personal trainer all in one…for free. Can’t beat that with a bat.

Patience: Dealing with people can be stressful, as we walk about a life that is full of one thing after another its easy to transfer your frustration and gripes onto your mate. Sometimes time is needed to de-compress after a long day at work. Be mindful to treat your loved ones as who they are, your loved ones and not like a raving lunatic who takes advantage of people’s capability to be tolerant of your ‘bad days’. You would want someone to treat you with a little patience, right?

Quality Time: Your mate shouldn’t have to schedule time to see you via your Outlook calendar. Nor should the person that you are dating need reminders of who the Hell you are when you call because you call so infrequently. Spend time doing something your partner will enjoy rather than using your spare time to fit in what YOU enjoy and then expecting her to be happy she got to tag along. There’s nothing worse than your mate treating your relationship like an afterthought. We all have priorities in life, but if you don’t carve out time for your partner, someone else may.

Romance: Hold the door open for her. Bring him breakfast in bed. Red roses. Movie night. Holding hands while walking. I mean, when was the last time you made out in the backseat of a car? Exactly!! All that good back seat going to waste: a little privacy and a little pervy, all within the comforts of your very own garage.

Sex: Does everything else in the world come before the one you love? Misplaced priorities or a whirlwind lifestyle can knock the stream out of what once was two people that couldn’t keep their hands off each other. Whatever happened to guys? People have work and family demands, this is a part of life, but one should still do their best to find time to make love. Couples can also consider the usefulness of ‘quickies’, date night or any Google calendar to coordinate the much needed nookie. Don’t let yourself go…dress up, pop a bottle of your favorite wine, step away from the outside world and the the headboards knock how they may.

Talk out problems: And when I say talk, I mean talk, allow your partner to have an open floor to air grievances without going on the defensive. Don’t blame, instead, give example of cause and reaction. “I don’t feel like you take me seriously when you _________” ; take into consideration that your partner isn’t aware of how you feel about their actions. Approach conflict as a peace keeper, knowing your partner wants things to be good between you two, ask for what you need to alleviate the issue and then let it go.

Understanding: Sometimes you do have to put yourself in another’s shoes to find where they’re coming from. You get the opportunity to learn and they get the opportunity to expose themselves further.

Vulnerability: If you can’t be at your worst in front of the one who chose to be with you at your worst then you’re selling yourself short. Don’t give your partner the ‘what’ of you without also offering them  the back story of ‘who’, ‘when’, ‘why’ and ‘how’. Allow your partner inside. a Weight: Keep your health in check. Make a healthy lifestyle part of your relationships. Spend time walking together for exercise and conversation after meals. Buy a healthy alternative cookbook, try one new recipe a week and cook as a team. Discover new foods and tastes while replacing the old with the new. Get check ups the same time every year, do it together so that health becomes part of the family ritual for years to come.

Willingness to listen: Men like to fix. Women like to vent. Not all, but some, either way…when your partner takes the time to come to you with an issue, a worry or a gripe do your best to just listen. Repeat what the person said to you to make sure you’ve understood them correctly? Asking ‘is there anything I can do for you?’ is the perfect way to find out if there actually can do or if you already did what your partner needed you to do…simply listen.

X Rated: What kid doesn’t like toys? An adult toy chest might be just what the doctor ordered. Sex toys, games and accessories can discreetly be purchased online or in theme stores such as Spencer Gifts. No need to be embarrassed, most retailers mail packages in plain brown packages. The mailman will never know that you and the Mr buy Motion Lotion in bulk quantities.

Yoga: Stretching, deep breathing and harmony are the words that come to mind when I think of the time I spend doing my daily yoga. When I get too busy to commit to my morning ritual, I can feel it, all in my bones. Staying centered is part of living a quality lifestyle, why not share in the routine with your mate? All those new found poses, stamina and increase strength can be put to other uses later on. Try the downward dog I say!! Cat pose baby!! All night long….

Zzzzz’s: A comfortable couples domain, or the bedroom, depending on what you do in your there. Chaos and crowded quarters can mean the difference between another chance to connect with your mate versus simply using your bedroom for un-sexy activities. Does your bed have a pile or papers or laundry piled up reminding you of the life you can’t keep up with? If so, clean that all out, invest in a good bed and indulge in some boudoir appropriate furniture boudoir. Set the temperature to something chilly, since cooler weather promotes cuddling and also makes for a sounder nights sleep. Consider removing the television and banning rambunctious kids. Kill the loud cell phone conversations in the place where you are seeking peace……get rid of the rest of the world, grab the one you love and get some much needed sleep……before or after making yourself exhausted.

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