Respect. That is, your self respect, and his respect for you.
Because once you’ve lost it, it’s not likely you’ll get it back. I’ve seen it happen a thousand times–a guy is interested and smitten with a woman and chases her vigorously, and then after a while his interest wanes before any serious relationship ensues. Let’s call this guy the Flip Flopper.
The Flip Flopper can be any and every guy at any given time, and the only differentiating characteristic is that they make a pretty abrupt about face just when you think you and he will be exclusive.
Now the Flip Flopper must not be confused with the sociopathic “love bombing” of the personality disordered, who often want to skip all the natural steps toward a relationship and get to the part where you’re completely committed before they go into full donkey mode. The Flip Flopper is willing to take things at a normal pace, and seems totally into you, and you may think the both of you are heading for something deeper; then all of a sudden, he calls less, his texts are shorter and less intimate, skips dates.
Men constantly test women.
Just as women might vet a man for suitability, men do also. But while we might be looking out for the “big” things, like suitability for marriage and baby making, they test for “little” things. The Flip Flopper will test you like a child will. He’ll push the boundaries to see where your limits are. He might send you a text that is a little bit too forward. He might test to see how soon he can sleep with you. He might flake out and be late for a date. All these things are little tests to see how you respond. It’s in those times, your reaction is what will be examined. Reacting with anger and a verbal castration is the WRONG response. Reacted like a pushover is the WRONG response as well. The RIGHT response is reacting to these tests focused on maintaining your self respect.
Consider this citation from Never Chase Men Again38 Dating Secrets To Get The Guy, Keep Him Interested, And Prevent Dead-End Relationships:
If you learn to value your self-respect morn than you value being liked by ANY particular type of man, you will have no need to play hart-to-get. A woman with a high amount of self respect doesn’t need to play games with men because she WILL defend her personal boundaries, regardless of the situation she may find herself in with the men she comes across.
When a high-quality man comes across a woman with strong personal boundaries, her self-respecting behavior wildly increases her level of attractiveness–the kind of attractiveness that makes him consider her a woman worth committing to. The reverse is also true in that a woman with weak personal boundaries will exhibit the kid of needy or desperate behavior that will compel a man to see her as nothing more than a hookup or short-term love interest to distract himself with.
And you’d best believe, once a guy puts you in the “hookup zone” there is very little chance for you to be upgraded. Rule of thumb: the MORE you like the man, the MORE reasonable boundaries and self respect you must display. But listen…the response to slights SHOULD NOT be with anger and meanness.
Tune in tomorrow where I’ll discuss effective tactics to communicate your boundaries in more positive ways, using the book, Never Chase Men Again as “textbook” learning. I recommend you pick up the book.