Got this question from a fan…
Hi this is probably the first time I’ve reached out to anyone about the issue i have. I’m a 32 yr old white male and I for the first time dated a dark skinned black woman. I fell madly in love with her. I would do anything for her. But the thing of the matter is she had been in several bad relationships and the one that did the most damage was the relationship with the father of her child. At this time there is a 5 yr age difference. My concern is every time we talk we always end up talking about the future between us. We also more and more talk about things we want to open up about. She tells me shes timid shy about letting me in on certain aspects on how she is. We’ve been talking again and known each other for 4 yrs. I still love her to this day with from the bottom of my heart. I know being friends is what she wants but feeling as i do it makes it difficult for me and how I feel. Ive expressed how I feel about her and she tries to express how she feel. As a recent unfolding event (mind you she has told me that she didn’t want to date anyone because she wanted to find out who she was and focus on her career and her child). She tells me a man that she works with she is going to give a chance with and after some very difficult and slightly heated conversations she was able to admit to me that ( being it difficult she didn’t not want not to hurt me caring for me so much). But also admitting (he himself is white) that she feels comfortable around him because he acts black. Also saying he makes her laugh more. But wants to be around her 24/7 and she tells me she sees somethings in him he might end up doing that would piss her off. What do I do? I’ve tried so hard to deal with this but emotion comes into play with me a lot. She opened my eyes to a lot of true emotions I have now. I don’t wanna lose her out of my life but i want her happy. As of recent she tells me she doesn’t know what she wants and she says shes just getting distracted by this guy. Because shes showing her everything she wants and its easy and convenient. I told her i had to take myself out of the situation emotionally because it wasn’t fair to me. I’ve had so much of me invested in her emotionally it hurts. I also should mention that when something bad happens with at person or some bad trait comes out in the person she sees that as a red flag and walks away. I think shes scared of being hurt by someone that is wearing a mask and when she gets comfortable will take that mask off and hurt her emotionally or physically. I’ve met several white men that act like this guy shes (having a feeling out phase with right now). I’ve warned her that most of all change and end up being very controlling and wont let go. But I do know if he knew that she was still talking to me he would get angry and most likely very mean to her. Which is what im scared for with her.
So what I’m asking is.
1. Is all lost with her and I. ( mind you she does not wanna lose me out of her life and cares for me so much that she doesn’t wanna hurt me in anyway)
2. Is it that I don’t act a certain way or have those mannerisms that I dont make her feel safe?
3. Is that if hes showing her to good to be true is it?
4. Should I keep hopes for her and I for the future in some way shape or form.
Knowing this is alot :-S being a first time email. I just wanna know your thoughts and how your think i should try to go about dealing with this situation. I would appreciate some advice if you had the time to talk with me or email me about this issue. Because i love this woman with all my heart.
Concerned Love :-\
Here’s my take…