Question of the Week

QOTW: “How Can I Feel Good Enough?”

The Question…

Hey Christelyn,
Im Kassandre & I discovered you on YouTube and I always enjoy watching your videos! You are so gifted and very helpful! I look up to you like a wise mother who gives advice to inexperienced woman like me. You’re so supportive of the black community and you constantly motivate and empower black woman to stay strong and to go where they are celebrated. Thanks so much for every advice you’ve given and for breathing good insight into the spirits to all the good black woman out there.
Now I am of Haitian and Dominican decent but I identify myself as Black instead of AfroHispanic. I am 19 and I just got out of a relationship 3 months ago with this Mexican/Salvadoran guy I was dating for a few months but things ended because he was “uncomfortable” being with me because I’m just “too different” from him and not full Hispanic like his exes. He said with me it’s different because I’m not Catholic, I don’t know Mexican food, and my culture is different. He said it just can’t work out. I just didn’t understand.
After getting close, being intimate and everything he’s NOW telling me this?
I didn’t want to believe it.
It was a happy relationship and we’ve grew so close and opened up about everything with each other and talked about how we both wanted a future together and children and to grow old. We both agreed we were comfortable with the idea of being serious with each other and got that “race conversation” dealt with before we started dating.
But He just woke up one day and told me he lost his spark and just didn’t feel the “romantic spark” anymore, but that there was nothing wrong with me because I was intelligent, amazing, wonderful and a great quality person. This broke my heart. He was my first boyfriend. But to be honest, I ignored all the red flags I could’ve acknowledged.
He was so sweet and passionate and We’d go out all the time but he’d never kiss me in public, hold my hand for long, or even take pictures with me. He could’ve treated me better, but he didn’t. He’d only do these things when it was night and after sunset. I thought he was just not a fan of PDA, but I see now this wasn’t the case. It’s because he was ashamed of me and just didn’t want it to work out. He wanted to be friends instead and continue to “always be here for me” but I think he just felt guilty.
Being very emotional, I cried like a child and found it hard to move on even after a month. I was just soo stuck on analyzing the end of the situation and seeing where I went wrong. But it was not me. I’m not the problem, he was. Even now when people ask why we broke up I am sooo ashamed to tell them why. I am too embarrassed to tell them why he left me. I am thankful I am not with him anymore, but this situation has scarred me. I want to feel like I’ll be good enough to men these days, because I’m a nice good woman. It’s just frustrating when guys don’t know what they want, because even though I’m young, I am very wise and I am sure of what I want in life. I am ready for my goals. I’m 19 about to be in Nursing school and I am single now and I am thankful for listening to your advice which helped me to see the reality of people now a days. Thanks so much for your insight! You are the best!

Follow Christelyn on Instagram and Twitter, and subscribe to our YouTube channel. And if you want to be a little more about this online dating thing, InterracialDatingCentral is the official dating site for this blog.