Weekend Read: Book Recommends Black Women Take Notes From Asian Women If They REALLY Want to #Win at Swirling

Before you read another word, this entry is ONLY for BB&W readers who can maintain an open mind and keep their defensiveness in check. If this entry raises your blood pressure, I suggest you might peruse our Health section.

I’ve got to give credit where it’s due. Asian women are winning when it comes to snagging the white dudes. They are unapologetic about their desire for one, and use every means necessary to snag their quarry. That means looking and acting the part. We’ve recently discovered that Asian women are #winning when it comes to online dating as well. I’m of the mindset that if someone is doing something effectively, I’m going to make it my business to learn what it is their doing so I can adapt it to work for me. That’s also what Lisa Marble did. She’s the author of How to Be Irresistible to White Men: Interracial Dating Secrets of Asian Women Black Women Who Swirl Should Know and I thought my book was a mouthful!)

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Marble, who is in a successful relationship herself, reveals the secrets she learned while rooming with an Asian girlfriend. Bottom line, if you want to maximize your potential to snag the most high-value mate, you’re gonna have to look and act like you can fit into his world. That means working to get yourself in good physical shape, getting your hair and makeup to work to enhance your natural beauty, and knowing how and where to meet the men you seek. “Men want to date the most attractive woman they can manage to pull. Don’t be so quick to judge them, because most women want exactly the same thing. How many of us would choose a carrot top over Channing Tatum or Ryan Gosling?” asks Marble.

Here’s a few highlights from the book. It’s only a taste of all the good advice inside…

Asian Exotic Versus Black Exotic

A major part of the appeal Asian women have is their features are unique and exotic. No other women possess the distinct eyes and traditionally long, jet-black hair, or almost universally smaller frames, they do.

As Black women, we also have very unique features that other women do not possess, like our fuller lips, almond shaped eyes, naturally rounder bums and brown skin. Your unique qualities are just as valid and beautiful, and when you play these things up to the fullest extent, makes you similarly exotic, in a good way.

However, blond or other multi-colored lace fronts and bone straight Rapunzel-length weaves are also not the stuff your average middle or upper class White man is going to be drawn to. The truth is, some hairstyles are associated with lower class, poor and even ‘ghetto’ mentalities. You can have graduated from Harvard, but show up with green and pink hair and a man will make assumptions about your education and financial situation, and he won’t date you because others will be thinking the exact same thing.

[Marble also gives some great suggestions and ideas, as well as links to help you on your journey upping your appearance game]


On the AWFUL Dating Advice Black Women are Given About Sitting Still and Waiting for Mr. Right

I can’t remember receiving savvy dating advice from anyone outside of ‘the right man will find you’. I was taught to focus on my studies, work and religion instead of boys. Just like my family members, I sat back and waited – being completely passive with no results to show for my patience. However, since Black guys would approach regardless of whether I went out in dirty sweats or had my hair in rollers, the message was reinforced that there was no work required.

This is terrible advice, even for women wanting to find the best black mate possible. After all, we all want the best in our partners and for our partners to bring out the best in us. I’m grateful to have come out of the matrix, met my boyfriend and experienced a more full and interesting life.

Expecting or wanting men to do something, like leaving their element and going to the places you are more familiar or comfortable hanging out, is wishful thinking. Therefore, it is imperative that you do due diligence and go where the men you seek are going.

On Asian Women and Femininity

Femininity is key. When you master the art of being a feminine woman, you are offering a man the chance to be the ying to his yang. Men have made the message loud and clear that they value this trait in women, but for some reason women haven’t been paying attention. The women who have realized femininity is an asset in the dating world are winning. It goes without saying, that’s Asian women.You have undoubtedly heard more than one person assert the attraction White men have with Asian women has a lot to do with their unparalleled level of femininity when compared to their ethnic counterparts. I wouldn’t be surprised if you had such thoughts yourself.

If you want to attract a White man by being a Black feminist, good luck with that. White men are wary and fleeing from (mostly American) White women with feminist ideologies in droves. As a matter of fact, I can’t think of another stereotype against the attractiveness of White women with as prevalent a message. LADIES HERE’S YOUR CHANCE: A surprisingly large amount of White women do consider themselves feminists and extol unfeminine characteristics. Meanwhile, their men are having online and offline discussions about the sad state of affairs and are plotting their escape route. I’ve seen the calls to abandon White women for other more ‘feminine’ and ‘ladylike’ women from abroad in the forums with my own eyes.

And that just a smidgen of all the gems to be found in the goldmine of information. Marble delves into the nitty-gritty of EFFECTIVE online dating so that you can send the message that you’re interested in non-black men without saying a word. She also gives great info about how to relocate to more affluent areas on just about any budget so that you can be in the vicinity of the caliber of men you seek, and then goes into the reasons why it’s important in building connections and establishing familiarity. For $9.97, this book could literally change the trajectory of your dating life, and I suggest you mosey on over and buy it yesterday.


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