Written by Nicole
Since things are still quite serious around these parts, here is a fun little article to bring some levity to the otherwise turbulent Corona-induced hellscape we have found ourselves navigating.
I came across this profile on Facebook several weeks ago.
Occupation: Photographer, Videographer, DJ and Personal Trainer
Zodiac Sign: Cancer
Children: 22 (12 girls and 10 boys)
I have intentionally cropped out the man to whom this profile belongs, because it simply does not matter to the conversation at hand. He could look like your literal dream man, whatever that looks like for you, and checks all your boxes, or he could look like a mangled foot. When you measure up the pros and the cons, regardless of this man’s appearance or race, your answer should be the same: run!!! But in the interest of going through each and every red flag, let’s discuss!
Listen, in the year of our Lord 2020, there is no reason to have 22 children in the west. Not a single one. We no longer live in an agrarian society where we have to gestate and birth the workforce. Condoms are freely available, and if someone is out here engaging in sex unprotected, then they can surely find some condoms. Honestly, more people should approach sex as “could I afford a baby 9 months from now?” every time they engage, protected or not. Even the most ardent users of birth control can have a slip up, so the potential for an oopsie baby, if you are having sex, is never zero.
Not to mention, getting a vasectomy is a quick and fairly easy procedure to ensure that you don’t have enough children to fill sports teams large enough to play against each other at regional championships. Women tend to get all the blame for reproductive mismanagement, and since we are the first cause (KsC), that indeed makes sense. But it do take two to do the do, so males who are out here making babies with reckless abandon need to pay a visit the their local urologist for a little snippety snip! My husband and I have zero children, but we have already discussed him getting a vasectomy down the line.
Why are some folks so averse to family planning? Do people not realize that family planning is a GOOD thing? The black community does not look the way it does because of meticulous planning on our part. The belief that babies are a blessing no matter what ultimately hurts us all. If we are bringing more children into the world than can be adequately cared for, don’t be surprised if society at large finds something for them to do that you don’t like or agree with. One father cannot care for that many children, there is no exception., which brings me to my next point:
I think one of black women’s many talents is the ability to continually surprise me. Here I was thinking “yes, of course we’d all be in agreement that dealing with a man who had 22 children is astronomically stupid”. And yet, I still saw (only a small number, but still) of black women saying that as long as the children were cared for, she didn’t see the problem. Listen, I don’t care what TLC’s programming tells you, 22 children cannot under any circumstances be adequately cared for. Having 22 children suggests multiple mothers in multiple households. Therefore, I think it is fair to say this dude is not seeing every kid every day. By default, that’s not cared for. I firmly believe that childless women should exclude men with children from their dating pool. For me personally, I could not and would not deal with a man with kids – baby-daddy, ex-husband, or widower alike, and that’s my preference.
It is one thing when a potential suitor is upfront with the habits of his wayward penis. For all the faults in this post, at least there’s that, I guess. But it is not always that easy to identify them. A somewhat easy way to discover any children that may not have been disclosed is a thorough social media trawl. This is no guarantee that you’ll see anything that suggests the number of children a man might have, but it could also show other undesirable traits too, such as sharing of questionable memes, for instance.
Someone who is determined to keep a secret will go to the ends of the earth to do so. Therefore, you may have to rely on character traits and piece the puzzle together yourself. Is he highly secretive, rather than just private, and seems to actively try and hide things? When the topic of previous partners comes up (because it should!), what is the language used to describe them like? Neutral or inflammatory? How is she described -ex-girlfriend, ex-wife, baby mama? Is everything someone else’s fault? Take stock of these kinds of behaviors, as identifying these traits early on could save you heartbreak down the line.
Of course, that isn’t a failsafe method, either. As the world gets more complicated, I believe that in the not too distant future (if not already), background checks will be standard operating procedure. And of course, trust your gut. If you feel something is amiss, don’t be swept up by the charm and good looks.
Children are not the only thing that can result from unprotected sex with multiple partners. On top of the usual suspects like HIV, herpes, gonorrhea, and the clap, initial findings suggest that coronavirus can persist in semen, too. Getting with a man who has impregnated that many women is too high of a risk to your health, sexual, physical, and mental. Of course, it only takes one person to infect you. However, the risk increases exponentially as the number of partners goes up. Jus don’t do it!
The occupations listed in this profile are fuckboi hallmarks. Photographer, personal trainer, and DJ are not really things a 46-year-old should be doing as full-time gigs. The only job missing is “influencer” or “entrepreneur”, as a guise for selling subpar multi-level marketing products. These jobs scream financial insecurity, no 401K, no pension, no plan for critical illness, little to no medical insurance, splitting the bills 50/50, being asked to hold $20, and hanging out the passenger side of his best friend’s ride, trying to holler at me. That combination of occupations seems like the kinds of jobs that people who can’t pass employment screenings get. This is another red flag. All women desire security, and money plays a massive role in how that security manifests. It is not gold-digging to only want a partner who is gainfully employed.
Bringing it back to the 22 children, are these careers capable of supporting 22 children? Somehow, I think even royal photographers, personal trainers to the stars, and DJs signed to prominent record labels, couldn’t care for 22 kids, no matter how many millions they make.
Identifying red flags is an important tool to have in every black woman’s dating kit. Good looks are nice, but no amount of attractiveness should blind you to problematic behaviors, regardless of the race of your prospective suitor. Having some hard lines in the sand as it pertains to potential partners is crucial to your long-term well-being and happiness. If your preference is to only deal with childless men, that’s great. If your preference is to only date men who get a guaranteed W2 come tax time, that doesn’t make you a gold digger. That makes you smart. And if your preference is to exclude large swaths of men based on anything you feel like on the day, go for it. Everyone is entitled to their preference. All that said, a man with 22 kids, no matter what other positive attributes he may bring to the table, should be excluded from your pool.
What do you think about this? Is 22 kids a deal breaker for you? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
Disclaimer: This blog was written by me, Nicole, and my ideas are not necessarily reflective of Christelyn Karazin or other writers on this platform.