You won’t want to miss this. One of the most touching letters I’ve ever received. Ladies, don’t let anyone tell you that non-black men are not checking for you, won’t love you, cherish you, or try to understand you. Reading this letter will change anyone’s mind on that.
You don’t know me and I don’t know much about you yet, seeing as I’m only on page 7 of “Swirling” hahaha. But before I delve any deeper on this personal adventure (because it will be an adventure I’m sure) I need to tell you something. I am on page 7 of your book and my eyes are over flowing with tears.
Already your book is beautiful to me. It’s crazy because I only picked it up on a whim. I’ve been going through alot the last few months and I happened to find an article of yours through a Facebook group. Which in turn led me to discovery of your book.
I only just picked it up now because I thought it would be helpful in understanding where I went wrong with my last girlfriend. Of whom I am still deeply in love with but why am I in tears after only a few pages? Why is it so immensely beautiful to me at such an early stage? Why am I messaging you this? Let me explain.
My last relationship was my first interracial relationship. My last relationship was my ex girlfriends first interracial relationship. I am Caucasian and she is Nigerian American. We broke up 3 months ago because “we we’re different”.
In the last 2 weeks I have come to finally acknowledge and understand our differences. I understand that I will never understand everything she goes through on a daily basis. That I will never understand the racism, discrimination, or prejudice that she or any African American women go through on a daily basis. I will never understand what our children will go through on a daily basis, because we are different. And the result of African and Caucasian is different.
I was raised in a Caucasian community. There were no people’s of different color. No Asians, Hispanics, or Africans. In fact, I never thought I would ever be attracted to any but Caucasian women. I even tested this theory to truly see what was wrong with me. To see if I was racist or something.
It wasn’t until I moved 1100 miles from my home town to Dallas that I could truly put myself to the test. I never thought myself as racist. But I see now that I was to a degree. However, not in the hateful way most people first assume.
When dating, I treated my ex as I would any Caucasian girl. I treated her like any other girl. Yes she was African. Yes she was dark compared to me. But that didn’t matter did it? Not really…she’s just a normal girl. Right?
I ignored our differences. Treated them as if they didn’t exist. They didn’t for me. She was so into the interracial relationship aspect and I didn’t get it. She’s just a regular girl I’d say. But still the feeling that we were different and that we didn’t understand each other nagged at me. And it created a lot of friction and distance.
So I tried to learn the sub culture of America. In fact I dove head first in and immersed myself in it. I listened to different music. Moved in with some of my African American friends for six months. Picked up the language, mannerisms, mindset that males in that culture have. Trying to understand what was missing. In so doing I lost myself and the woman I love. I became just like every guy before.
However, even after everything that’s happened I’ve finally come to accept those differences. To face them head on. To acknowledge them and not ignore them as if they didn’t or don’t exist. Without her in my life I might of walked through its entirety ignorant to these differences.
They do exist and I now embrace them and love her all the more for them. I truly love her and the strength, the determination, and the love that’s bread from having all that stacked against her. Not just as an African American but as a woman.
I realize now, now that I’ve lost her, that the only thing I could ever do would be the best possible partner for her. To hold her when her world comes crashing down or when all the pressure she and all of you beautiful, wonderful, amazing women face on a daily becomes too much. We are different and I accept and acknowledge it. I will never understand all our differences. Not fully anyway, but I will do my best every day for the rest of my life.
This is why I’m in tears at page 7 lol. This is why your book is so beautiful to me. This change that I’m going through is beautiful and amazing and wondrous to me. This is why I needed to message you.
I need to thank you Christelyn. Thank you so much for writing this book. Thanks you so much for giving men a look into what it’s like to view the world from your eyes. To see into a world so harsh that only a love so strong can overcome everything you go through.
It’s crazy to me how I only picked this up on a whim. It’s crazy how I picked this up so closely to this huge change in my perspective. My ex changed my world. She changed the entire world I was born into. She changed it when I stepped into her shoes and saw it through her eyes.
Thank you so much Christelyn for putting pen to paper. I don’t know what all is in this book, but I want to thank you with my entire heart and all the love a stranger can give an absolute stranger. Thank you for writing this. This book is going to take me on a journey unlike I’ve ever seen or could imagine.
When i finish this I won’t be the same man I was and I will be a better partner for whoever my lucky lady is. Thank you Christelyn. Wish me luck and if you could just send a box of tissues my way in prayer. I think I’ll be needing them lol
Truly, sincerely, wholeheartedly, thank you,