When I first read an article on The Grio, titled, Is Taye Diggs so mad a Black women he wants to date us again? My first thought was to agree with the author, who wrote that the ill-advised interview he participated in where he discussed his dating choices. Among other things, he said at 13, his mother disabused him of any notions he would marry a black woman. Let him tell it, his mother told him he was going to marry a white woman. Way to throw momma off the train and under the bus, Taye!
Then I thought about it some more.
The author of The Grio article is skeptical that a black mother would say such a thing, but…knowing how pervasive and insidious as colorism is in the black community, I wouldn’t say that conversation was an impossible one. Black women have often acted in the service of black men to the expense of themselves. If black mothers can tell their sons not to bring home dark, nappy-headed girls, why is it impossible to tell them to just cut the middle man and get a white one?
Now that Taye Diggs has married, mated and divorced a white woman, he’s dating a black one. And I guess was the wrong decision, because some folks think when you hop the fence one way you can hop back.
Look. Taye Diggs does not belong to us. Conversely, black women shouldn’t feel beholden in 2018 to stick with black men. So quotes like this: “He’s come back to us ya’ll! Just please don’t remind him that we weren’t really his first choice,” is not helpful.
The idea that if you dare to date and marry outside of your race is such treason that you can never ever ever ever discover love with someone inside your race thereafter is absurd. It didn’t keep Taye’s white ex from getting re-married to a white man, with her biracial byproduct of her interracial union, did it?
Saying someone “can’t come back” after they have a failed interracial relationship is some petty nonsense that reveals your hand. It shows you’re so hurt, rejected and dejected that the betrayal is just too much to bear.
But what I do know is, that the last thing we need right now is another black man who doesn’t even like black women – acting like he’s doing us a favor. If this is truly meant to be ‘The Year of The Woman’ then we deserve to be a celebrated first choice, not a disgruntled backup plan.
Ya’ll can have him back.
Taye Diggs did not owe it to black women to be his first choice. His choice was his choice. According to the author’s logic, the only way a black woman is approved of dating and marrying a white men is if she gave every black man she ever met in life a chance, and after well-documented proof, can be given begrudging approval by the black community to seek love elsewhere.
And in any case, since when have black women collectively turned their backs on ANY black man that offended them, right or wrong? Please. Ya’ll will take Taye Diggs back.
One of you already has.
By the way Taye, if you’re reading this, you have an erie resemblance to my brother.
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