While on my whirlwind “Swirling” book tour, I met a really handsome rainbeau who spoke on a panel with me. He was a reformed “roughneck” who got his life together, went to law school, and (I’m assuming) is practicing as a lawyer. He openly displays a preference for black women and dates them in a town that’s chock full of the most beautiful and available black American women, and believe-you-me, he has his pick. He’s not a wigger, but he has the swagger one would typically associate with a black dude, so he’s more like an honorary IBM (that’s “ideal black man” who’s melanin challenged). And amongst the sea of educated, accomplished, and beautiful black women, he bemoans to anyone who will listen that he really wants to settle down, but he’s having trouble finding “The One.”
I call bull donkey.
Mr. Honorary IBM isn’t having trouble finding, he’s having trouble picking. He, like many of the single and accomplished black men in his area, know that they are prime cuts and in hot demand, and they are fully exploiting that position. Complaining that out of 100,000 available women you can find one, NOT ONE woman that you can wife up is such utter bullcrap and you ladies need to recognize this mess when you see it. Don’t waste the height of your beauty and fertility on dudes who make you feel like you need to earn love. Men like the man I describe create an impossible standard for what they want in a woman that will constantly change because a moving target is harder to hit. Keep it moving, keep her guessing and feeling insecure and (hopefully) unworthy so she’ll give her complete all in hope Mr. Fabulous will see the light and wife her up.
Make no mistake, these guys want nice girls with much to offer–they want the best because they believe they deserve the best. But in a sea of single women, there are going to be a lot of women who fit that bill, and these guys want to run through all of them. After all, when you consistently tell everyone that you’re serious and really looking for you missus, but you’ve just got the absolute worst luck in the world because after one, two, or three months you discover that this woman farts when she sneezes. And for these guys, that’s enough reason to dump her and keep looking for the perfect woman who farts rose petals and burps fairy glitter.
Let me back up a bit–these guys like nice girls, but they prefer the ones that are a little bit insecure, a little unsure of their worthiness, and then they exploit those vulnerabilities. You’re jumping through hoops, walking on eggshells and praying night and day that you’ll be “the chosen,” because after all, he said he was ready, and if you pass his impossible test, you can be the winner!! Please ladies, don’t buy it.
You know how seven is the number of completion in The Bible? Well, three is the number of completion in the dating world. Don’t give a dude past three months to yank your chain. Don’t be like the hamster who runs on the wheel, huffing and puffing and going nowhere. Just cut your losses with Mr. Honorary IBM and move on, and while you’re walking, stop by your local bookstore and buy “Men Who Can’t Love.”
UPDATE: The person whom I’m anonymously referencing vehemently denies my assessment that he’s using his status to an unfair advantage. He’s threatening to sue me for slander. What would be the damages? I’m negatively affecting all the future tail he my get?