Let’s Put the “Black Women are Lazy Unfit Mothers” Myth to Rest

In a way Newt is correct: A hand-up is always better than a hand-out. On the other hand Mr. Gingrich is speaking as if black people don’t want jobs, as if black folks don’t want the dignity of earning an honest paycheck but would instead prefer the dole. Clearly, there are some black people that actually are lazy but they are by no means a majority of black people.

Be Sociable, Share!

Author : Jamila Akil

Author's Website | Articles from

GOP Presidential hopeful and historian by training Newt Gingrich has seen fit to throw his hat into the already crowded arena of politicians and pundits who have sought to boost their popularity with poor and working class white people by throwing black people under the bus. According to Gingrich, black people need more work and less welfare. In a way Newt is correct: A hand-up is always better than a hand-out. On the other hand Mr. Gingrich is speaking as if black people don’t want jobs, as if black folks don’t want the dignity of earning an honest paycheck and would instead prefer the dole. While there are some black people that actually are lazy, they are by no means a majority of black people.  It is one thing to talk facts about black people and their condition; it is quite another to use racially-charged language to score political points with the electorate. Mr. Gingrich seems to think that by insinuating black people–and by definition that includes black women–don’t want to work he is playing a new game. But it’s actually an old game, and it’s time to pack that old game up and throw it away.

During slavery, black women who were slaves had a 100 percent employment rate. A slave woman who was too old and/or too sickly to perform manual work in the fields would still be put to work doing something, even if that something was only to serve as a day-care provider of sorts for younger black women who needed to leave their children behind at the slave quarters while they went off to till the land. Among the small number of black women who were free women even before Emancipation there were higher rates of employment than white women.

After emancipation black women were primarily employed as domestics in the homes of white people or in segregated facilities; later these women would attend college to become nurses and teachers if they had the opportunity. A black wome married to a black man who was a sharecropper or was born into a sharecropping family could export to become a sharecropper herself; she would have to help her household in any way that she could. Other black women began to leave the South to search for jobs up North and in federal employment because black workers in the South were paid so poorly. Many black women left the South solely because they could not physically stand the backbreaking labor that sharecropping required.

A black woman who had the luxury of not working was a rarity. If she chose to enjoy that luxury she often found herself resented for it by a racist white community that felt that for a black woman to want to stay home and care for her children was trying to act too much like a lady, while at the same time white women with families–and even those without them–were expected to stay at home until marriage and avoid work.  After slavery as well as before slavery, racist whites felt that a black woman’s place where wherever she could be placed to best serve the needs of white people in general and the cotton industry in particular.

In Ensuring Inequality: The Structural Transformation of the African-American Family, author Donna L. Franklin explains that for black women, serving the needs of others was only expected.

A report by Boston cotton workers who inquired into the disastrous cotton crop of 1867-68 concluded that the greatest lost resulted from the decision of “growing numbers of Negro women to devote their times to their homes and children.”

In the minds of the owners of the cotton fields, weak cotton crop of the late 1860′s and the depression of the 1870′s was in large part due to Negro women who just wanted to stay home with their families like women–ok, white women–of that era also wanted. Yet there were no studies published saying white women needed to get out of the kitchen and into the fields.

The idea that a black women needs to be put to work at all times is a long-standing sentiment of those who feel that black women are obligated to serve the needs of other people and if she rejects that obligation then she’s a lazy mooch, sucking off the government teat. I think the belief that black women who are not working are drain on society at large goes back to the days of slavery where a white master or overseer felt that any slave who wasn’t working–whether because he was ill or because she was too pregnant to perform certain duties–was costing him money.

Thankfully slavery is over and I think that it’s about time that black women who stay home or choose not to work have their rights respected. Black women have the right to avoid the workforce–either for a long period of time or a short period–in order to take care of family, attend school, or pursue personal interests without having their character impugned.  White women have long had the right to avoid the workforce without being called lazy.  Black women and poor women deserve to enjoy the very same right without being called lazy, shiftless, ‘welfare queens.’

An earlier version of this post appeared on my blog Homespun Wisdom.

Be Sociable, Share!

Like this post? Share it!


Related Posts


Post comment as twitter logo facebook logo
Sort: Newest | Oldest
Patricia Kayden 533 pts

Good work Jamila.

I could give Mr. Newt some tips on sticking with one partner AT A TIME. So he can tell me how to not freeload from the government since I am Black and all Black people in his universe do so, and I can tell him how to refrain from jumping into bed when you are already married.

MadamCJCPA 725 pts

Great post Jamila!

I too, like many of the other ladies here had to (i.e. lie) downplay my part-time or unemployed status because people just found it soooo incredulous that a black woman (with a child no less) was not working herself to the bone while going to school at the same time.

Reading this post reminded me of the backlash that Michelle Obama received when she quit working to care for her family full-time after Barack won the Presidency and they moved to the White House. It's like good grief people, she is under surveillance by the Secret Service 24/7/365 how in the world is she suppose to work a 9 to 5?

Bellydancer 403 pts

MadamCJCPA I agree remember when Bob Dole's wife wanted to keep working for the Red Cross, people were horrifed after all she should have been giving white house tours and shit not helping poor, displaced people. SMDH but Michelle is looked at cross eyed. Chile please

Toni_M 4713 pts

(cont.)

I think the truth is I have come to a point where I am in no hurry to stick up for the race, or all of my sex regardless, or both.

I fully acknowledge that there is a segment of the black population, and of black women that have no intention of getting by on their own power. I've seen it with my own eyes, so I cannot say that it is false. In fact, I've seen it so often, it has left me in some instances at a loss for words.

So my response is, "That's unfortunate and true about such persons, but not ME". I also say it's not true for the group of black women that I consider myself a part of. What I avoid doing is trying to make it a matter of ALL black women and our common ancestry.

I do not want to be confused with such persons in any way, shape, or form.

I appreciate that BWE comes from a place of love for black women, and will defend black women from unfair treatment and stereotypes. So I am not so much speaking to this article, because it's written from a place of love.

My hesitancy lies in the fact that I feel that often much empowerment and separation from the stereotypes and low level living and thinking is lost when moving to defend and unify everyone rather than to distinguish, call out, and separate.

Toni_M 4713 pts

....Yet another TL;DR comment that should have been a blog post. :|

eugeniamitchell 3482 pts moderator

Toni_M I don't think she was defending it I think she was putting in a another perspective that needed to be given. Although I can certainly separate myself from a group of people, don't mean other people will. In all this I just wanted to figure out why he said what he said, why here, why now? Gingrich has been in Congress for years now all of sudden he has this overwhelming need to help poor black ppl off of welfare, really. It makes no sense. A few posts ago when there was a thread about Robin Thicke, some folks over-analyzed that too death. Now Newt Gingrich says well blk ppl need paychecks and welfare after his many years in Congress not giving a hey about this and somehow this is supposed to get a pass. This is the time for critical thinking, I don't find it empowering to separate myself, I don't even find it necessary I am not these folks so I move on. But I do find it necessary to ask why someone with a long history in the Congress suddenly is so concerned (but not really concerned) with black ppl on welfare. I mean I get it he's pandering but I think it's a good question to ask. And I don't think he's going to get nominated but I could do w/o all the pandering from anybody.

Toni_M 4713 pts

eugeniamitchell I wasn't so much addressing Jamila, since I do know where's she's coming from and understand what she's saying. I'm pretty much addressing my own POV in response to the whole situation.

We all know Newt and his ilk are full of crap. I don't think these people are sincerely concerned with the welfare of blacks either. But I will say they've never been suddenly concerned with government handouts or aids...they've been against them from day one. At least for the poor and minorities. Where oh where would we be without a blank check for Wall street?

eugeniamitchell 3482 pts moderator

Toni_M Oh okay, I wasn't sure but thank you for clearing that up and I get what you're saying. I wish like hell that as blk person I could be seen an individual the bad part is on many occasions I'm not seen as individual by anyone including blk ppl. I'm always part of a group, I decided a while back when I say fool-acting blk ppl out and about on the bus, in the store whatever I wasn't going to hold my head down like we're part of the same group. Some blk guy and a girl totally clowned in DSW shoe store one day and everyone was looking and so was I and like everyone else I just shaking my head b/c the whole scene was unnecessary but I went back to shoe shopping. When I got up front to buy my shoes the girl was apologizing and I was like 'that's okay, you know some ppl don't have any sense'. You're so right about that, I'm not part of these folks and you know what I'm not going to be ashamed on their behalf they should be ashamed. I don't let white ppl question me about the actions of various blk ppl, if they do I just say 'well how am I supposed to know, I don't know them, they're not me'. Yes it's time not to take on anyone's foolishness.

Toni_M 4713 pts

eugeniamitchell Actually this pretty much expressed what I was feeling better than I could get it out. Thanks for the example.

Jamila 2819 pts

"Gingrich has been in Congress for years now all of sudden he has this overwhelming need to help poor black ppl off of welfare, really. It makes no sense."

From what I've heard on the news, Gingrich and Santorum are supposedly pandering to conservative white voters in places like South Carolina, which is where the next caucus after New Hampshire is going to be. eugeniamitchell Toni_M

eugeniamitchell 3482 pts moderator

JamilaToni_M I wonder what the pandering will look like there.

Toni_M 4713 pts

eugeniamitchellJamila It will probably look like I'll need ear muffs and a glass of a strong alcoholic beverage.

And I don't drink. :S

Toni_M 4713 pts

My mom is a SAHM, and was since I was very young. Her and my father made the decision that she'd stay home and raise us while he worked. Even though it wasn't easy, I feel like the benefit paid off for us in the end.

TBH, she was the first SAHM...ever, that I can recall within my relations. And I think it caused some tension within the family, even where my father was concerned and it was partially his idea. There really is a knee-jerk assumption that black women need to be employed or they're useless and lazy.

I think it really is a mentality left over from slavery and subjugation that says that black women are not ladies, are not feminine, and should be treated like work horses because it's what their ancestors were. It's unfortunate that it's a belief that has continued to poison the mind of a lot of people.

I think the reason I wasn't bothered by Newt's comment was because I don't see it as true for ALL black people, or even as true for all black people who are on government assistance. I see it as true for a segment of persons, but not all. It is this vocally entitled group that are the problem.

One of the issues I have is that far too often, rather than separate ourselves from this group as vocally as possible, there is a rush to defend and to unify and to make ourselves indistinguishable. Most of us share a common history of slavery and subjugation, and some of us have had it harder than others. BUT, not all of us have developed the lower level of thinking that often leads to not only a false sense of entitlement, but vocal declarations of low class lifestyles and bad decisions as the dysfunctional norm.

Rosie S 794 pts

Toni_M You have a point. I think American black people have tied ourselves to slavery and subjugation too much and can't create a new identity for ourselves.

Jamila 2819 pts

I'm not surprised at the number of women on this thread that have people get an incredulous look when they tell someone how they don't work and are instead going to school or taking care of home. I originally wrote this piece after some guy came to my blog and asked me if was 'ever going to get a job,' after I wrote about how many schools I had attended while working towards my bachelor's degree. I think some people have this erroneous assumption that people on welfare are drinking champagne for dinner every night, taking vacations all around the world,and living in a 4 bedroom house in the burbs all on the taxpayers dime. This guy just assumed that I wasn't working while going to school. He did the whole 'hit and run' comment where you say something snide and then disappear because you don't want to see the response.

On the other hand I was reading some news about Chelsea Clinton getting her own limited run show on a cable network. Chelsea has a bachelor's degree from Stanford, two masters degrees, and last I checked was working on a Ph.D. This woman barely has any work experience, other than a couple of years that she spend at a consulting firm. Yet, I have never seen anyone intimate that she needs to stop going to school and get a job.

There's this assumption that making choices to get ahead in life by checking out of the workforce to get a degree should only be something rich people are allowed to do. Poor people should just work a low-wage job till the day they die and not even think about going to school for self-improvement and using welfare benefits to make their dream a reality.

There is a lot of classism going on with the people who think poor folks shouldn't be allowed to check out of workforce to improve their career in the long-term.

Bunny77 1019 pts

You know, I've always liked Chelsea Clinton, but even before she got the limited TV gig, I always wondered exactly WHAT it was she was doing... I remember initially she was going to be a doctor. Okay, so she didn't do that. No biggie, people change their minds. Then she was getting a master's in public health. Okay, cool. Then study in England... okay. But then she was supposedly consulting or working with the American Ballet Theatre. Okay, she was a talented ballerina for a while... no problem... but still, it was like, uh, what is she actually doing with her life? I can't hate on her for going to school, but for a person who seemed so ambitious, her actions post B.A. seemed very, uh, flighty? But hey, it's her life. Still, like you said, no one seems to question why she's getting umpteen degrees and not finding a steady job. Jamila

kiki100 304 pts

Jamila I take it that by mentioning welfare here, you are saying you used welfare to go to school? I know a friend who did this as well. Then started her chosen profession.

Jamila 2819 pts

@kiki100 I get food stamps and medical assistance based on my income while I'm in school. I still have to pay for the school health insurance every semester though. I actually left a job at the Department of Health and Human Services (the department that administers food stamps/cash assistance/etc) to go back to school so I know a lot about who gets what, how much they get, and what they are eligible for. Thus, I know the whole 'blacks are getting over the welfare system' line is a bunch of baloney. kiki100

kiki100 304 pts

WOW. Didn't know that could be done here, especially without children. My friend got her assistance in Canada.

Jamila 2819 pts

I have a daughter.

Mothers can't get food stamps after the youngest child is old enough for kindergarten (or first grade)--the stamps are actually only allotted for their children after the child reaches certain age. After the youngest child is 5 the mother is required to find a job and if she still doesn't get paid enough to support herself then she can keep getting food stamps allotted to her too. The majority of people on food stamps are either too old to work, too young to work, or they are able bodied adults who are working low wage jobs that don't allow them to get ahead. Hence the reason so many young mothers take the opportunity to quit work and go to school instead; at least that provides you a chance to make more money in a few years after you get the degree.

The state I live in--Illinois--provides medical care to all children under 18 years of age but it's based on a sliding fee scale and not all parents have to apply for it. My daughters father is in the military so she has medical insurance under his coverage too.

You can't get cash assistance unless you apply for child support, which is why many mothers choose to forgo it--they don't want to take their child's father to court.

kiki100

Brenda55 4316 pts moderator

Great article Jamila.

Black women have always busted their behinds to put bread and beans on the table. I started working at age 17 as a nursing assistant. Bounced around in college and wound up with a nursing degree. Worked at that until my retirement at age 50. I am often questioned these days about why I don't work. I stopped saying that I am retied because I then get the How the heck old are you? You look too young to be retired.

{ Why thank you } Now I just say that I am a stay at home wife and leave it at that.

Its funny. When I was growing up a woman going to work was unusual now the opposite is the case. In my family we had it all stay at home wives, stay at home wives and moms, working wives, working wives and moms with a few single working moms in the mix.

I remember dad and my grandmother having a fit when my mom wanted to go to work. She stuck to her guns. Went to college and hit the workforce. It was something she had to do for her.

As for her daughters? We all had careers and can support ourselves if we choose to. The ability to take care of ourselves was non-negotiable. Now two of us stay at home and two of us work. It is about choice and it is nice to have it.

Brenda55 4316 pts moderator

On the political front not much is going to change re. this attitude that black women should be worked to death. Too much of a vested interest in that. Not just from the politico but from the people swallowing that nonsense. The need to believe it it is how some of them get through the day. It is annoying when you come across those who have a low opinion and low expectations of black women. But I have to say that is is out of sight when you prove them wrong. The look on their face it worth it.

Robynne 232 pts

I can relate to your story. My mom and grandmas on both sides were stay at home moms. I'm still on the fence as to whether this is for me or not. Since I dug up a mountain of debt by going to college and professional school, I would hate to see that investment just lie on the shelf. Plus, I would feel sorry for the hubby if he had to pay those loans off, as well as the other bills in the house, lol. Those loans still need to be paid off. Brenda55

eugeniamitchell 3482 pts moderator

RobynneBrenda55 Well that's something you discuss with hubby, because you'd be surprised what a good husband will do for his wife and kids if you have any.

Brenda55 4316 pts moderator

RobynneBrenda55

In the end it is what is best for your family. It is not just about you now as you know. You and hubby sit down at the kitchen table and talk about it.

Outside of our mortgage we are debt free. That feels good....for both of us. Just imagine how many more choices your hubby would have re. his employment if those student loans were not there. I think its great that you are taking him into consideration and not wanting to dog him when planning to deal with this debt.

Robynne 232 pts

Thanks guys. My debt is not that terrible, since I was fortunate to receive scholarships, and my dad picked up quite a bit of the difference in undergrad. For law school, I was lucky enough to receive a decent scholarship, so I did not have to borrow much. The irony here is that most of my education debt is coming from undergrad...grrr. But still...I'll have that talk when the time comes. Brenda55

eugeniamitchell 3482 pts moderator

RobynneBrenda55 Like I said below my husband just had a long talk about me possibly not working any more, at least for other ppl. It's nice to have the option, I got school loans too but those we can manage. It's nice being married a engineer even nicer being married to a man that allows you those options and doesn't make you feel guilty about it. It's nice to have a husband who feels a sense of pride in taking care of his wife. When the time comes to talk you may be surprised by what he has to say.

TJD 290 pts

I am done with the stereotyping. Here I am in my late 30's, mom of three who is the sole provider and I want to go back to school to become a nurse. If I want to do that right now, I will have to quit my teaching job b/c I am not near any evening nursing programs. So, does doing that make me stereotypical because I may qualify for temporary assistance?

The only thing that bothers me is when I see mothers looking like fashion models while their babies looking like dirty, uber impoverished third world children. You can be clean and modestly dressed without being flashy or "hood rich". I think if people seriously needed TEMPORARY assistance as they are trying to improve, that is okay.

Welfare "kang or queen" is NOT okay.

Brenda55 4316 pts moderator

TJD Did you ever think of taking online courses for nursing?

TJD 290 pts

Brenda55 This in part is what I wanted to consult with you about. I have a BS in biology (1997) and 15 years teaching experience. Need to know how to make this happen.

i haven't gotten to email you or google + you yet. Checking papers, science fair project and homework while teaching small babies how to spell on docket, lol. Will pm you once 2 and 4 take a nap.

Brenda55 4316 pts moderator

TJD

PM me about this as much as you like. You are in great shape since you have a degree. There are programs out there for students like you so that you may be able to use a lot of your current credits and can fast track into a degree. We will talk.

Jamila 2819 pts

I'm so glad that you finally hooked up with Brenda. It's great when we can all share information to help each other out.

I know she already mentioned fast track programs. I just wanted to let you know that since you already have a degree (and your degree is in biology so you probably already have many of the prerequisites for the RN program) you might want to look into one year BS degree programs for people who already have a degree in another field.

TJDBrenda55

Toni_M 4713 pts

TJDBrenda55 I can definitely vouch for online classes. I'm getting ready to finish my degree and I would never have been able to if it weren't for distance learning. I actually stopped bothering with in person classes at one point because it was just so inconvenient.

With online classes, so long as you have an internet connection, you're in school . :) Definitely see if any near by colleges have online degree programs.

kiki100 304 pts

You cannot do your prep courses online. It will eventually require you to look for evening classes.

keeks Y 128 pts

where i'm from women who don't work and refuse to work are women who have child(ren), aren't married, however their bills are paid, hair is well done and look better than you and i combined; hence one of the reasons why women who dont work are frowned upon and its become a serious epidemic for young girls to have this 'Stanford wife on the side mentality' has they graduate from high school a large number of them wind up getting pregnant. Which as made me come to realization that women on the side is totally acceptable in my culture; as long as he is coming home to me that's all that matters.

AvaRay 163 pts

You notice when Soledad O'Brien did the Black in America series she let it all hang out about black people and EVERYTHING that she featured: out of wedlock births, crime, etc was accurate and I agree. When she did Latino in America she did not focus on all of their problems. She did not mention the high crime rates in the latin community. She did not mention the 50% out of wedlock rate, the dropout rate. She did not mention that obesity in the hispanic community is even worse than it is in the black community. Latinos have a lot of problems but they do not put it on display and allow others to put them on display. They want to be as quiet and under the radar as much as possible.

Putting us on blast just makes others focus on our negatives and unfortunately ALL of us suffer from the stereotypes regardless of how "exceptional" you might think you seem to others.

Jamila 2819 pts

"She did not mention that obesity in the hispanic community is even worse than it is in the black community."

That's not true.

From the Office of Minority Health: "African American women have the highest rates of being overweight or obese compared to other groups in the U.S. About four out of five African American women are overweight or obese"

http://minorityhealth.hhs.gov/templates/content.aspx?lvl=3&lvlID=537&ID=6456

AvaRay

AvaRay 163 pts

The stereotypes are so bad about black women that when i go into the market in my middle class, white neighborhood (even though i am clearly a professional woman) all of the heads turn to see how i am paying for my food. They want to see if i am going to use food stamps.

One difference about black people compared to latinos is that blacks constantly feel the need to call out other blacks in front of white people to prove some kind of point. Latinos would never agree with Newt Gingrich out in the open like that because a small "segment" of latinos are like that. Black people have made great, great strides. There are whites who dont even realize that. Those people who are lazy are people are never going to change.

Kathy Henry 83 pts

Because those Blacks want to be accepted so bad by Whites that they will sell their souls and their own kind down the river. AvaRay

Jamila 2819 pts

"They want to see if i am going to use food stamps."

I read the following in the July 2011 issue of Wired Magazine in the article "Gamed" by Dan Ariely:

"In fact, the stigma of coupon use is real and broad-based. A recent paper in the Journal of Consumer Research found that shoppers would describe people standing near coupon users, not to mention the coupon users themselves, as cheap or poor."

I think one of the reasons they changed food stamps from those booklets to credit cards was so that people on food assistance would be less stigmatized.

AvaRay

glamdoll 496 pts

AvaRay

I've experienced the same thing in my middle class, white neighborhood. The majority of the people I encounter are nice, but at the gym I've gotten looks/stares (I'm not overweight, I just like being fit), at the local library( I love to read), etc. BWE will help bw challenge these stereotypes one bw at a time. More bw are becoming empowered. I'm beginning to see more and more bw with nonbm in my area. One of my friends (professional bw) just recently married a wm, despite the outcry of the sista soldiers around her (family members, etc) and another one is engaged to be married to a wm this year.

jldrumm1 126 pts

I'm a full time student who doesn't work. I live off of my veteran benefits to go to school. I used to tell people that I worked part time when I didn't, just so I didn't get the look. It took a few semesters for me to realize that I earned the right to pursue my dreams. People that give me the side eye are just jealous. Great post Jamila!

This comment has been deleted
shesthedifferencemaker 116 pts

AJ1997 "I'm a full time student who doesn't work. I live with my parents, use their cars, and receive a stipend from the government. In my first semester I would volunteer my veteran status and GI Bill benefits just so "people" wouldn't think I wasn't being lazy or mooching off my parents. My folks didn't let me stay in that funk for long. As far as they were concerned they were doing what loving, supportive parents do when they can afford it. I doubt I would've had the same sentiment if I had been white and female. That is basic social conditioning."

:) I knew there were other bw like myself in this situation. The only difference is I have had a p/t job for a couple semesters, but it was only for meals, gas, clothes, AKA NOT for tuition. It's not like it isn't a struggle for my parents to pay OUT OF POCKET/take out loans to pay for my education, but we all see it as an investment in my future that will open up so many opportunities when I graduate. (and of course I will be responsible for paying most of my debt off)

You would not believe the reactions I get from some students when i say i don't depend on my p/t job to stay in school or "get by" or that get a lot of support from my parents. I've found myself lying on a couple occasions saying about how I really need so&so paycheck to pay so&so car note. MY AS DOES NOT PAY ANY DAMN CAR NOTE. Bless my parents. I don't know where I would be without their financial support and it is silly of me to try and ease other people's minds by pretending to"struggle". It's like doing the "acting black" mess all over again.

The way I see it and have seen it, many of these kids judging me are going to end up moving back in with their parents after graduation to save money (smart move) especially if and when they don't find a job.

As for scrutiny for bw spending, the only bone I have to pick with that is that if we are going to spend all this money on designer this and designer that, why can't we include spending money on a gym membership, a decent trainer, exercise videos, good pair of running shoes, nutritionist, AKA if we are going to pamper the exterior, why not do the same with our health??

But I do agree, BLACK WOMEN HAVE SPENDING POWER.....in the billions!!! I just wish we used our power wisely. With a bit of organizing, we could have businesses and corporations at our knees :)

Bunny77 1019 pts

Wow, I never realized that folks take issue with black female STUDENTS who don't work full time! I mean, if you have to work your way through school, fine, but my dad did that because he had no option and he made it clear that his children would NOT have to worry about that while trying to get their educations!

As it turned out, I got a nearly full scholarship for my undergrad degree anyway, so any work I did (which was VERY part-time... like maybe 10 hours a week) was simply for extra spending money. AND, it also gave me the freedom to do internships (some paid, some not) so that I could get valuable work experience and get a leg up when it was time to compete for jobs. One serious thing holding many black graduates back is that many couldn't afford to do unpaid/low-paid internships while their white and Asian counterparts could... so then, upon graduation, those white and Asian kids had resumes that got them hired at prestigious places, while the black student's summers working to survive were rejected for "lack of experience."

(Now, I have my own set of complaints about the whole internship payment racket anyway and how it disenfranchises people, but until that's fixed, I'll make sure my kids don't ever have to struggle just to stay in school and can take on those types of career-related opportunities that will help in the long run.)

Oh, and my parents bought me a car. I had no car note. And guess what? That car came in handy for those internships that required you to have transportation, okay???

I know I'm going on a tangent, but I continue to be bothered by some black parents who save nothing for their kids' education, expect them to work to put themselves through school and figure out their own transportation, etc., etc... oh, these parents say, "Well, I just expect them to get good grades and earn scholarships," not realizing how many scholarships are being cut AND that test scores play a HUGE role in getting those scholarships, maybe more than high school GPA.

But yeah, my parents didn't want me to start really working until I finished my education. And if that meant after pursuing multiple degrees, that was fine too. As my dad put it, "You have plenty of time to work. You'll never miss out on the opportunity to work!"

shesthedifferencemakerAJ1997

Brenda55 4316 pts moderator

Bunny77shesthedifferencemakerAJ1997 I agree with you Bunny77 I worked part-time while in school also but my parents paid most of it. If it came down to working and getting good grades the the job went. My parents saw it as their responsibility to invest in my education. That is want your parents are expected to do. Most other groups know this. We were told school is out job.

Pearl 2251 pts

Well, my mom is a SAHM. She and my dad worked when I was younger, but she felt that we all became distant and I wasn't as close to my mom as I was with my dad (they had diff. work hours) and she came home at night sleepy,) soo. she stopped working and stayed at home ever since, she's been working since she was 15, so she's not a lazy ass, or anything she just feels that her being at home watching after us and keeping us from the evils of this area.. And you know what more than anything this has given me and example. I have a dad that works for us so we can get by, and just me knowing that the reason I have the things I want is because of him, is freaking amazing.. We really don't talk about alot.. because he hates teenage boys and periods and the new shows on abc family.. but I know whenever I need him for something he'd be there and he would listen... I have the most respect for SAHM's they go through alot with the rebel teenage girl, the teenage boy who won't clean himself, and the other teenage daughter who stays on the internet in the room all day, and a surprise baby out of nowhere.. not only that but I can talk to anything about my mom and she always has the time.. alot of parents really don't have the time.. (not even because of work, but disinterest,) SAHM's are cool, and BW, i think do deserve to be one even if they don't have kids or don't work full time, we deserve that luxery.. more than anything.. like c'mon we NEVER get a break.. at all

Pearl 2251 pts

I KNOW there are typos... Forgive me

Marcie 256 pts

This is SO sweet, what you said Pearl :)

Joyce345 900 pts

Wow, this article is very eye opening for me especially the historical references.

This mentality is prevalent in many African communities where women are expected to do all the heavy lifting. Getting an education is about the only way to escape being turned into a donkey/tractor.

Bunny77 1019 pts

Joyce, I found this article a while back when I was catching up on my sports news. Basically, during the NFL strike, a few players went to Rwanda to help on a service mission.

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=6265765

Okay, so it's a nice story and all, but what struck me was what one of the players said. It's at the bottom of the article, but I'll paste it here.

<b>The players also worked on smaller projects and made some interesting observations about the people they encountered.

"The women here are extremely independent. It was real hot one day and some women were helping us with a project digging a well," said McKinnie. "All of the sudden, I realized this woman doing all this work with us had a baby tied to her back the whole time. Women here do everything. They prepare the food and then you see them walk forever with firewood on their head, laundry in their hands and a baby on their back. That's multi-tasking."</b>

Years ago, I wouldn't have thought much of this. Maybe even said a "you go girl." But now? I'm just appalled. Where were the men on this digging project? And one had a baby too?

I know this is just one of many countries in Africa, but I do hear this a lot, how African women do soooooo much work and how it's soooooo awesome that so many African women can do all this work. And it makes me really scratch my head... was it always this way?

Joyce345