The man my friend dated for five months possessed all 20 of these traits. Of course she was not made aware of all these things at the beginning, but the things that made him “fun and exciting,” like the charm, risk taking, spontaneity, and voracious sexual appetite made him intoxicating. And because he was well bred and with means, he wined and dined, and did spectacularly romantic things. He seemed thoughtful and generally interested in her life and background. He asked questions. But little did she know he asked those questions not out of genuine interest, but to use for information gathering to use against her in the future, which he did, and did, and did.

She stayed because he groomed her to doubt herself. She stayed because she spent most of her time hoping and praying he’d magically turn back into the man she had fallen in love with. But that man never existed–it was just the mask.

This from self-described sociopath and author of “Confessions of a Sociopath,” M.E. Thomas: The seven common characteristics of sociopaths are “lack of remorse or concern for hurting or stealing; being deceitful, manipulative, impulsive, irritable, aggressive, and consistently irresponsible; failure to conform to social norms; and being unconcerned about people’s safety, including their own. You need to have at least three of these to be a sociopath. I have them all, to varying degrees.”

So Now What?

Now that you know what the characteristics of a dangerous man look like, don’t spend hours trying to find loopholes and explanations why your man isn’t like that, or how you could never be so stupid to be so epically duped, or how you think your heart/mind/vagina is so magical that it will make him all better. These men are hopeless. If you need to, make a list of two columns–the good things you like about the guy versus all the other crappy things he’s ever done. If that list is lopsided in the negative, girl you better run. A note of caution: often with relationships the dangerous man feels he needs to be the one to call the shots, and will say and think, “It’s not over until I say it’s over!” It’s all about winning, because for a sociopath, it’s all a game. Protect yourself accordingly.

Stay tuned for Part II, where we will discuss how to listen to your internal red flags, and what two things dangerous men count of you to have so they can exploit you.