[This post was originally published 11/03/2011. There were 61 comments back then. I have not been able to figure out how to make those old comments visible in Livefyre.
New comments can be made on this repost though.
The reference link list in the original had just two items. I expanded it to eight.]
Ever wanted to demonstrate the paradox of Black Male [Mixed] Privilege by systematically illustrating how male privilege is fully analogous to White privilege? Perhaps this post will be helpful.
This essay is based on a long comment I wrote almost 2 years ago on a post in “A Belle in Brooklyn” about the sexual politics between Black men & women. I have edited it slightly, but it is essentially the same. Belle’s post and especially the 125 comments by both men & women are quite good. You can see it all here:
From the Comments: He Said/ She Said
Here goes:
Okay, some real talk about relationship markets.
I’m going in. This is going to be an aggressive comment. Most of the men, and some of the women [at Belle’s blog] are not going to like it.
WHITE PRIVILEGE
This part will be easy, obvious, and seemingly pointless, but stay with me.
To avoid unnecessary clutter, I’m going to ignore other races, and just talk about White & Black.
- In America, and perhaps all of the world, ALL White individuals are privileged with respect to otherwise similar Black individuals, essentially everywhere and at all times. You can come up with exotic exceptions, but nothing serious to challenge this paradigm. Perhaps some day this will dissolve, as I would wish, but none of us will see that in our lifetimes.
- Those with the privilege benefit from it, rarely acknowledge it, never see all of it, usually believe they deserve it, and are not motivated to mitigate it. Endless rationalization is employed (sometimes self-righteously) by most of the privileged to deny or justify this privilege. Even theology is put to this task.
- This situation is wholly a product of history, with no basis in essential differences between the two groups. The unequal relationship is maintained by control of the institutions and culture by the dominating group, which feels entitled to its power.
- In addition, the dominating group has the natural advantage of numbers. There are MORE of them, enhancing the alliance opportunities of each individual.
INTERLUDE
Pay attention to the underlined bold words in the WHITE PRIVILEGE section above and the MALE PRIVILEGE section below, they highlight the differences between the two sections. The words that are not underlined and not bold (most words) are the same in both sections. Notice that paragraph #2 is exactly the same in both sections.
MALE PRIVILEGE
This part will be more uncomfortable and controversial, but still familiar.
To avoid unnecessary clutter, I’m going to ignore other genders, and just talk about Female & Male.
- In America, and perhaps all of the world, ALL Male individuals are privileged with respect to otherwise similar Female individuals, essentially everywhere and at all times. You can come up with some exceptions, but for the most part there is not much to challenge this paradigm. I want symmetry to prevail eventually, but I doubt it ever quite will.
- Those with the privilege benefit from it, rarely acknowledge it, never see all of it, usually believe they deserve it, and are not motivated to mitigate it. Endless rationalization is employed (sometimes self-righteously) by most of the privileged to deny or justify this privilege. Even theology is put to this task.
- This situation is mostly a product of history, with some basis in essential differences between the two groups due to biology and psychobiology. The unequal relationship is maintained by control of the institutions and culture by the dominating group, which feels entitled to its power, aided a little by greater physical strength and less capacity for empathy.
- In addition, the dominating group has the natural advantage of numbers. There are FEWER of them, enhancing the market value of each individual. This numerical disparity between the genders is much more enhanced amongst Blacks compared to Whites.
SYNTHESIS
Now I bring the fire.
Black men are in the complex position of being quite privileged in one sphere of human activity — romantic relationships — while being quite disempowered in all other spheres of human activity. As ever with any human being, privilege is hardly acknowledged, while disempowerment is appropriately and loudly resented. But even if we give fair weights to both conditions, any Black man can honestly point out that that bit of privilege is clearly outweighed by the burden of disempowerment.
True statement … but not a valid excuse.
Because the victims of that privilege are the most disadvantaged, burdened, and unfulfilled sub-group of all — Black women.
So … what’s a girl to do? Well a little of everything, including some of the suggestions upthread [in the comments of Belle’s blog]. But one powerful option to obviate the Black man’s romantic market advantage has not been explored [in Belle’s blog that is, obviously you all here at BB&W are aware]. Black women can enhance their value not only by trying to “unionize” (one way of looking at holding out for more reciprocity) or dropping out, but also by partially or mostly breaking out of the closed relationship market.
In other words, open up some consideration of non-Black men alongside the pool of Black men. I make no claim that non-Black men are better than Black men. They aren’t. Neither do I claim they are the same as Black men. Their issues are different. But by being open, even with reservations, to such men, Black women’s opportunities definitely increase. And besides, if enough of them do so, their market position relative to the Black men will improve [the same point made by R. R. Banks in his book].
White men have their own good reasons for considering this too. Their market is much more tight as far as available women. Those men that are marriage material and open to crossing over will find more quality available in the cross-market.
And men, don’t be coming at me with “White men taking OUR women!” I’m not having it. You can’t own what you don’t claim. If it’s supposed to be yours, put a ring on it.
* * *
Good references on Black Male Privilege, all written by Black men:
Black Male Privileges Checklist
http://jewelwoods.com/node/9
(Website may be down today, but this is the original source.)
Alternate source: http://www.bwolfephd.com/2013/08/the-black-male-privileges-checklist.html
The Reality of Black Male Privilege
http://thegrio.com/2013/08/30/the-reality-of-black-male-privilege
Acknowledging Black Male Privilege
http://isites.harvard.edu/icb/icb.do?keyword=k74757&pageid=icb.page414111
Yes Virginia, There is Black Male Privilege
http://uptownnotes.com/yes-virginia-there-is-black-male-privilege
The Myth of Black Male Privilege?
http://newblackman.blogspot.com/2010/03/myth-of-black-male-privilege.html
Breaking the Silence: Toward A Black Male Feminist Criticism
http://www.amazon.com/Breaking-Silence-Toward-Feminist-Criticism/dp/0807132136
Is Marriage for White People?
http://ismarriageforwhitepeople.stanford.edu
An Answer to Black Male Privilege
http://www.npr.org/blogs/tellmemore/2010/03/an_answer_to_black_male_privil.html
And of course countless Black women have written about this, but I do not expect BM to take them seriously — yet another example of the privilege.
“White men have their own good reasons for considering this too. Their market is much more tight as far as available women. Those men that are marriage material and open to crossing over will find more quality available in the cross-market.”
Now Aaby you cannot drop a paragraph like that without expanding on it. I smell an upcoming article in the making.
As to the current article. All true especially the last line.
“And men, don’t be coming at me with “White men taking OUR women!” I’m not having it. You can’t own what you don’t claim. If it’s supposed to be yours, put a ring on it.”
eshowoman
Actually, it is an assertion, not an assumption. Of course the potential motivation for non-BM pales compared to the drive for BW, but there are actual good reasons for WM (non-BM) to seek BW of their own class (whatever that class is for that WM).
It works like this: BW are a heavily undervalued asset in the relationship market most of them participate in. Short version, it’s hard out there for a BW. That means that whatever it is that a non-Black man brings to the table will “buy” a better product (sorry about the unromantic language) when “shopping” in the Black aisle compared to the White aisle.
Obviously this can be problematic in the same way that Black male privilege can spoil BM in the way they treat BW. The BW still have to vet carefully, and WM with a conscience have to check themselves so they do not take advantage. Using this increased “purchasing” power to get by with behaving badly or to be lazy would be wrong. I am not talking about “purchasing” with money, but with the qualities one has, whether in personality, looks, or assets.
Perhaps a for instance will make this clearer. I am short. 2″ under average. That is a big deal in relationship mix and match for women usually. Seems to be a powerful instinct. Of course I have a lot of other good and bad qualities, but lets focus on this one. Amongst Black women who are pre-qualified as open to IR, I would be at slightly less disadvantage for my height than amongst White women. It is a small but real effect.
Is this because BW do not care as much about height? No. But they are on less of a pedestal compared to White women in the market as a whole. Not my individual opinion of BW compared to WW, the general relationship market. Everyone is trying to get the best they can, BW, WW, WM, BM.
I am not very focused on beauty, but most men are, so another way to lookat this might be that for those WM that find BW just as appealing as WW, they might expect to be able to catch a more attractive BW than they could a WW.
This is very uncomfortable stuff to think about. Unless there is an expansion in WM looking for BWWM bigger than the expansion in BW looking for BWWM, BW will continue to be at a disadvantage compared to WW, though some BW play the “exotic flower” identity rather well and do not feel at a disadvantage.
bellechose Aabaakawad eshowoman
I think BW are better off with pushing the natural you than doing anything that seems to be presenting faux White features.
eshowoman There is not a big pool at the end of the rainbow. But my statement that [clever] WM have a good motivation still holds. But how many are clever?
bellechose Swirlgirl28
Ummm, I think Poitier and Smith used appeal to White audiences to get their success. In his personal life, Poitier seems to have rejected BW, but Smith has not. Smith has participated in some questionable movie roles though.
Justme65 Brenda55
Which part are you huh???’ing ?
zipporah
I consider Sotomayor a gift from heaven. No camouflage.
Swirlgirl28
A BM marrying White, if he does not blow it afterwards, probably does improve his station in wider society and Black society. Zawlrite, does not bother me when people take steps in their own interest, just don’t throw slander back at those you did not pick.
Aabaakawad eshowoman
“This is very uncomfortable stuff to think about.”
Agreed but it think it is time to put this on the table as a point of discussion. It is in the back of most people’s especially black women and the IRR naysayers. So lets have at it.
Do you think is is exclusive to BW? Could not the same be said of AW, poor women you name it? WM do have a certain advantage re. relationships and power.
LeCe Aabaakawad
Too bad for those people. I am being honest about how relationship markets work. Less people want them (currently). It sucks, but it is also true. I am not claiming it is deserved. Should I just pretend it is not so? How is that helping anybody?
LeCe Aabaakawad
Lets not shut this conversation down.
This attitude is out there and in the back of many black women’s mind. I say let go in on this.
One of the many statements that people use, especially black men, to discourage black women from considering non-black men as part of their dating pool is the attitude that no one else wants black women. There are not long lines of non-black men beating down our doors to get with black women. that the ones who do manage to successfully date and marry a non-black men are “special snowflakes” and lieing to the rest of you black women out there and taking advantage of you.
Some folks want to take advantage of the marriage disparity when it comes to black women. But. Is it women like Chris and the many women who read and post on this site who have successfully married a non-black man or those who do not want black women to consider that option. Some one is attempting to deflect their negative game plan for black women and it sure ain’t us. Someone’s privilege is threatened and is attempting to reestablish the balance of power their their favor by attempting to discredit the work we do here. So yes lets have this conversation about just how tight….or not… the dating marriage market is for black women, white men.
It there an overwhelming number of white men who want black women? Does there have to be? Do you schmeging care?
LeCe Aabaakawad
Understand a couple things.
I am not saying BW are less valuable, I am saying they are less valued. It is a statement about their market potential. It is a bit more of a struggle for BW than other women. Do you disagree?
Second thing, this is NOT in any way a dis on BW. If anything, it is a criticism of society (Black & White) and its unfair devaluation of BW.
I am not here to pour out happy thoughts. I am aiming for clarity.
LeCe Aabaakawad
Before you and anyone else gets all worked up LeCe. Aabaakawad has been here from the beginning of this site and is a large part of the reason it is even here.
Just want to clarify that point.
LeCe Brenda55
I know who you are talking about. The blogger that you are referring to has a right to her opinion of course and she is not a friend of this site.
Some folks walk the walk and do the heavy lifting when it comes to time, effort, support both financial and in talent to build what you see here. Aabaakwad is one of those many people working in the background. So side eye all you want. I know the deal.
Oddly, this has become a conversation about WM’s role and (unfair?) advantages in BW’s relationship market navigation. A worthy subject, just not the one I thought would be prominent in response to this reposted essay.
OK with me. Black male privilege perhaps has been covered quite enough, and this other subject is more relevant now.
Aabaakawad
We can drop that line now……so long as we revisit it later. Deal?
Brenda55 Aabaakawad
Zawlrite.
MODERATOR’S NOTE.
Ok froends. We got off track with this thread.
The subject is Black Male Privilege. Does it or does it not exist ? What are the effects on Black women?
We WILL revisit the other subject however.
Thank-you.
eshowoman “White men have the pick of women of all races. Black women are reluctant about dating white men because of our historical relationships.”
Though I hate to say this, BW are most responsible for this “historical relationship.” Slavery has been over for 150 years. I never owned slaves, but I love black women. Can’t you just relax around the men who love you and forget a past you never knew?
There’s a wonderful word in the dictionary called enculturation. It means an outside group becoming part of another group. Can’t we let that happen? Let the men who love you——love you.
I understand exactly what you are saying and I completely agree. Marrying top BW now is analogous to buying Apple at 1990s stock prices. Amazon in 2001. I could go on….the point is that there is TONS of value there that hasn’t been recognized in the broader dating market. Undervalued is not worthless, it simply means most men are sleeping on BW’s value. The smartest investors look for undervalued companies to buy, not bloated companies with little upside. The smartest men, in my chauvinistic opinion as a BW, are acquiring on the cheap, but not because what they seek is cheap. They simply have more foresight than the average guys….like guys marrying Asian women in the 1970s/80s before it was cool.
Dandelion100
My take on all this.
I believe that black women can acknowledge all they you posted and still expand their dating and marriage options.
When you look at it black men who most directly suffer all that you posted have no problem dating and marrying who they choose. They exercise their privileged to do so.
I see no reason for black women to not do what they also have the option of doing just because black men have a tough go of it in society.
One of the false statements made against black women who choose a non-black mate is that you somehow forget the plite of the black man in America when you do. If that doesn’t reek of black male privilege I don’t know what does. They never make that argument against their choosing a non-black mate. Never.
Dandelion100
I do understand that. Which is why it is referred to as an example of “mixed” privilege. WW also have mixed privilege: White privilege, female disadvantage.
The rather extraordinary repression that Black men experience is real, but the fact of it can sabotage critical thinking. For instance this statement by a sincere respectful intelligent perceptive sympathetic Black man in a recent comment on Christelyn ‘s recent colorism post.
“Black men are simply not in the position to abuse and neglect black women because we are at the bottom of the barrel.”
He later backed away a little in response to others, but this is what leaps to mind for a lot Black people and White liberals (I still use that label for myself). How can an identity that has it so hard, hardest of all, be projecting power? It seems illogical. That is why the concept of BMP was created as a meme by certain Black intellectuals, to get past this derailment of critical thinking.
Dandelion100 Brenda55
I know that and it was not my intent to paint your statement as doing that since it we very clear that you were not. I just used your post as a jumping off point to illustrate just how ridiculous and hypocritical black men are on this point.
Black men facing often times horrific life circumstance can go on and date and marry whom they please yet some how black women doing the same is supposed to have negative consequences for black men. The ability to make a stupid argument like that and make it stick is BMP plain and simple.
N2ition
It’s your dime. What gives them the right to tell you how to write your profile? Oh that’s right.
FriendsofJay eshowoman
“Though I hate to say this, BW are most responsible for this “historical relationship.”
I had to come in here and check this gross misstatement of the facts and history.
White men have exploited black women, sexually, and in other ways more indirect for decades after the end of slavery. What The Help left out was the sexual exploitation that black domestics experienced at the hands of the white men who ran the houses they cleaned. Rosa Parks was an investigator for the NAACP for a decade investigating sexual assault against black women before she became famous for refusing to give up her bus seat.
So, no. The behavior of white men, for several hundred years during slavery and for almost 100 years afterward, that has done the most damage to bw/wm relations.
Black women have their share of prejudice and stereotypes to get over, but those prejudices and stereotypes did not develop out of thin air.
Jamila FriendsofJay eshowoman
You saved me from having to say it.
jazzyfae45 DWB
Exactly.
Aabaakawad Dandelion100 Christelyn
Reminds me of that scene The Color Purple where Harpo says, “All my life I had to fight. I had to fight my daddy. I had to fight my uncles. I had to fight my brothers. A girl child ain’t safe in a family of mens…”
This was the lived experience of many black women who grew up in rural areas where adult men and young girls were thrust into tight quarters, where there was no system of police supervision that took child molestation and the such seriously, and where black people avoided reporting crimes to white authorities for fear that the whites would get involved and do even more harm.
Sorry DWB , but we are not going to spend the time here giving you a remedial course on “privilege”. We will do that someday perhaps in it’s own post. In this post, it would amount to derailing and trying to get us to defend such a basic concept will just get your future comments stuck in pre-moderation.
DWB Get thee to a reducation camp.
There, I said it so you don’t have to.
DWB Jamila FriendsofJay eshowoman Aabaakawad
No need to go back 100 years. There are black women still alive today who can detail to you the abuse they suffered as domestics at the hands of their white employers
This isn’t long forgotten history. There are bw still alive today to talk about this stuff from their personal experience.
Jamila DWB FriendsofJay eshowoman Aabaakawad
In the seminal book “Black Like Me” ( http://www.amazon.com/Black-Like-50th-Anniversary-Edition/dp/0451234219 ), the White author disguises himself as a black man by chemically treating his skin. More than once, when picked up in the South by White men as he was hitchhiking, these White men bragged to him, whom they thought was a Black man, about extracting sex out of their domestics. They felt comfortable bragging about sexually abusing Black women to a Black man. If that is not a brutal exposition of power, I don’t know what is.
DWB Jamila FriendsofJay eshowoman Aabaakawad
Things have changed, but it wasn’t that long ago. Sexual exploitation of Black women was going on in a large way less than 50 years ago in the South. That’s just two generations. Some OOW births came out of this, creating people younger than me.
DWB Aabaakawad Jamila FriendsofJay eshowoman
You are right. But it is human nature to use this knowledge as an excuse to distrust based on identity, especially since it is not that long ago and the stories involve living relatives within the families of most Black people with Southern origins.
You apparently get what a big deal it has been. Some many other White people — it seems endless — want to deny or minimize this stuff.
I have no choice but to go to sleep now so I can’t reply further.
G’nite.
DWB Jamila FriendsofJay eshowoman Aabaakawad
“And when others who didNOT suffer claim the hurt and anguish of those that did as their “red badge of courage,” you can understand how I balk at saluting them?”
No, I can’t understand it, because rape often rips apart ENTIRE FAMILIES for generations to come. Black women were targeted the way that they were BECAUSE it would have ripple and generational effects; the act of one black women being raped would effect her husband (if she had one) and any future sexual partners she might have, as her ability to express healthy sexuality would have been effected by her rape; her children would have been effected by her change in emotional demeanor as well as her ability to effectively grandparent.
What a woman tells her daughters and granddaughters about men would have been effected by that woman being raped.
From “At the Dark End of the Street”:
“The rape of black women by white men continued, often unpunished, throughout the Jim Crow era….White men lured black women and girls away from home with promises of steady work and better wages; attacked them on the job; abducted then at gunpoint while traveling to or from home, work, or church; raped them as a form of retribution or to enforce rules of racial and economic hierarchy; sexually humiliated and assaulted them on streetcars and buses, in taxi cabs and trains, and in other public spaces. As the acclaimed freedom fighter Fannie Lou Hamer put it, “A black woman’s body was never hers alone.”
Aabaakawad Socio-economic language notwithstanding, you may be forgetting that some WM (like me) simply prefer BW. Their status in the social hierarchy is relatively unimportant to those men. Obviously, he’d want a woman who was well educated and cultured, but otherwise it wouldn’t make a lot of difference to him.
I’ve read all of the comments for this article. As a white man who grew up privileged and sheltered——and a bit idealistic——I know I can never truly understand what any black American has gone through, now or in the past. This applies even more to BW.
I mean this in the least pejorative way: to all AAs: can’t we forget the past and understand that this is a new era? To BW: let the non-BM who love you——love you, and stop looking for evil that isn’t there. If this continues to go on year after year, we will never heal.
Love you all.
LadyHumor I feel a bit the same way. I only have one parent (my father) from Nigeria and my mother (a Black American) kept us mostly from the craziness in the Black community. We would see enough from my uncle who kept getting married, only to cheat on his wife and then get divorced and remarried to the other woman. She didn’t want us exposed to that so the majority of the men I was exposed to were friends of my parents from Nigeria where they all came here to get degrees or start businesses which they did and have been very successful. The times when we would interact with Black Americans was at school and that is a whole other story. Try having the long and very strange foreign name. So my interactions with the boys from that community were basically all negative. I decided that a boy who liked me wouldn’t treat me like crap so I turned my back on those boys and paid attention to boys from other communities and I was much happier. So I’m also quite divorced from this.
DWB AabaakawadDandelion100Christelyn “Who is more likely to be given a physically hard and dangerous job — a man or a woman?”
It depends on the environment. My mother told me a story once about how she was pregnant and so was a WW in the same hospital where they worked. They still gave my mother the physically demanding jobs while they coddled the WW nurse and gave her light duty because of her delicate condition. My mother finally said that she was pregnant too and if this WW is being taken care of so then she is also entitled to the same treatment. I believe she left that job.
Savannah1812 But the Holocaust was only 50 years ago. Slavery ended 150 years ago. There are Jews still alive who were in concentration camps. There are no African-Americans who remember being slaves during the Civil War.
Saying you’ll forgive but not forget really means you won’t forgive.
My concern is not so much with the past, but with healing in the present. We must get over this racial hurt or we will never be one country again.
Justme65
There is a universal human behavior theme here. BW try to bring their issues up in the world, and everybody wants to tell them they are not experiencing what they are experiencing. BM, obviously, do this, even those who claim to be about BW’s issues. WW do this, even most feminists. WM do this, even many pro-IR guys. They all want to make it equally or more about themselves.
Gay people get this from straight people, non-Xtians get his from Xtians.
WM do have a place at this site, but not a position from which to dismiss BW’s concerns.
This site ultimately is for, about, and run by BW of a certain POV. WM who can not adjust will be asked to refrain from countradicting that POV (offering nuance and exceptions is fine). Eventually, after enough failure, they might even be asked to leave. Does not make them “bad” guys? Case by case.
I am learning that there are a lot of romantic relationships (IR or not) that exist, possibly thrive, even though one or both partners don’t really understand the other’s thinking, life challenges, or needs. Old story.