Another White Guy Spills It: A Tale of a Blind Date Gone…Good.

This is a true story about a white guy who never dated interracially, had a somewhat myopic view on race relations, and never dreamed in a million years he would have a black wife.

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He was from the Mid West.

He never dated a black woman before.

Here’s what he used to think:  “I (was) not a “swirler,” indeed, ran with “the-like-should-stay-with-the-like” crowd in the dating scene,” this man, 41, told me in a confidential email. “Funny 15 years ago I was against WW+BM while being for BW+WM….for other WM, just not me. It all came down to mathematics, anything that reduced the pool of WW available to me was “bad,” anything that took another WM (or other WW interested M) out of the running competition was “good.” In hindsight, a quite entitlement mindset as if WW were my turf by mere virtue of being WM.” <<that’s some serious honestly right there.

Then 10 years ago he would have a blind date that would change everything–all the preconceived notions and all the stereotypes. She spoke of a German ex-husband, so he thought maybe the woman was European.  But when the date finally occurred, he was shocked. He honestly thought,”She’s kinda short, kinda…thick and kinda dark…can’t be her. But she was wearing the tag our mutual friend said she’d be. Anyhow her chat’s were witty, intelligent and fun so I figured why not, she had met the “between the ears” test which is the hardest match to find.”

Turns out his blind date was a Nigerian woman. They have now been married for 10 years, with one child, and another on the way, to make an entrance into the world in early 2013. Here’s what he learned: “Probably should have been more receptive to BW or AW and would have been married a decade earlier….perhaps.”

This anonymous email-er found Beyond Black & White by happenstance. And anyone who thinks a site like this is a waste of time, or all this is unnecessary, should read this and then shut the heck up.  “Too bad I got 10 years too late to this site. It would’ve helped with the “guess-who”-meet-the-parents issue, the so-why-is-the-hair-washing-so-infrequent issue, and the why-aren’t-they-serving-us issue, among others….Oh well, good reads nonetheless.”

These, my friends, are the lurkers on this site. People from all walks of life are reading, learning, understanding, and testing the waters.

Damn, it feels good to be part of something big, wouldn’t you say?

Our anonymous reader has a question for all the other swirlers, and I promised him I’d pass it along and let you guys have at it:

I give a lot of credit to those who decide of their own choice to beforehand entertain these relationships before they end up in them by accident from well meaning blind dates, shear spur-of-the-moment
matches. Without beating around the bush they do carry a lot of historical baggage and you can get flack.

How many end up in these relationships by mere roll of the dice versus deliberate willingness to enter into them?…..inquiring minds want to know. I’d hazard that at least a third of the WM ending up in these came into them by friend-of-a-friend, “she just clicked”, blind date, etc. as opposed to deliberate dating preference but I have no clue really.

So what gives? Are all these guys tripping and falling onto their interracial matches with black women, or are they fervently seeking them out? (Of course I know the answer, but I’ll let you all get at it)

 

Have an unlikely story you’d like to share? Hit me up at christelyn@beyondblackwhite.com

The Man Myth