Ask a White Guy: Older Men, Younger Women?



I saw an interesting discussion going on in here not too long ago. Well, pretty much every discussion here is interesting but this one particularly so. It caught my eye real fast and I wanted to crash it and start in with my .02 about the problem these Ladies were talking about.

But I didn’t.  I stayed out of it.

Cuz see, I’m part of problem they were talking about. Well… actually I probably will be in about 20 years or so.
Heh heh…they were talking about older white guys hitting on much younger Black Women.  Yeah, you Ladies know who you are! I sat back and grinned the whole time you were talking about it, too! I was kinda like that dude at the bar sitting there watching you fend off drunk after drunk during Girls Night Out and chuckling to myself as I watched the looks on your face as it happened.  What? I ain’t too proud to say I’ve seen ya go through that!

Now whether ya like it or not, both sides do share some of the guilt here.  Most definitely not equally mind you, but this whole thing is not all about those dirty old white men.

Normally I’m a Ladies First kinda guy, but not this time. We’re getting straight to them old white dudes first.   Now Ladies, let’s sit down here and look at the situation from that old white dude’s point of view when he fancies himself your wildest fantasy come true and comes at you like he does.  Put yourself in his place for a few minutes.
We’re old, our better days are behind us, we’ve got nothing to lose and if you turn us down, ya think that’s the worst thing we’ve gotta deal with that day? Not by a long shot. We’ve been through Life and we know in the grand scheme of things that relaxing our gentlemanly behavior in the hopes of some young stuff really doesn’t matter that much.  Well, to us anyway.

Think of it like this…

Remember your last week in high school your senior year?  All the work had been done. Your grades were final. Nothing was gonna change one way or another, so who cared? Ya relax, party up and bide your time until ya cash out and move on.  Or in the case of the older white man, you’re pretty much where you’re gonna be from here on out.  Not a whole lot is gonna change for ya one way or the other so why not shrug your shoulders and roll the dice on a tasty little treat?

Bottom line…


old guy


We don’t.  Why should we? Look at the 2 outcomes here and ask yourself what’s the worst that could happen…

You say no and feel creeped out and make those icky faces as we hobble off to the next nubile Nubian Queen.
But what’s the best that could happen? You say “sure, why not?” (when I say “best” I’m talking for the old white man, not you) and we get a little action.
So let’s put the 2 outcomes on a scale here and take into consideration that life is short and it’s getting shorter.  Not much of a comparison so why not go for it?

Men are conditioned to make the move and then face the possibility of rejection. So when he rolls up on you like that, take a good long look because you are looking at a gambling man in his most pristine and purest form who is way up on his bankroll and not a lot of time left to play it off in the hopes he beats the house odds. And he thinks this is you’re lucky day…
So ya roll dem bones.  And if that doesn’t work, ya roll again. And again. And again.  And ya keep rolling until you get the result ya want, and you know why? Cuz men are expected to make that move, face and accept rejection and then do it all over again.  And he’s been doing it for many, many years. It really is a numbers game.  He’s gotta put it out there enough until the finally gets the jackpot he’s been looking for, then cash out and go party.  And the men who quit trying, or never even began trying in the first place and get bitter, angry and pout in silence about it.  They become unsubs on Criminal Minds.  True story.

Also, The Male Ego is a funny thing.  We know there’s sexy older men out there cuz we hear ya talkin about it.  You know, that Silver Fox thing. Sean Connery immediately comes up when that topic is discussed. What younger Lady wouldn’t accept if he sat down beside her and whispered,

“Hello gorgeoush. You and I should sit down and ship shome martinish shometime.”(OK that was a really bad Scottish accent but you get the picture….I hope.)

When faced with this decision, the Male Ego is likely gonna give itself the benefit of the doubt and make the assumption that he falls under the Sexy Older Men category rather than the dirty old man category. Ya know, cuz he thinks he’s the exception to the norm and all that.  It’s all those other guys out there who are the dirty old man, not him.  He was quite the Ladies Man back in his day and he wants to affirm to himself that he’s still got it.
So, well…who better, he thinks, to stroke his ego than you!

Stock Photo

Now as I mentioned before, there’s a little bit it coming from you Ladies as well. No seriously, there is! I’ve seen of a bit of a movement goin on out there amongst the younger Ladies in their mid to late 20’s.  It seems there’s a restlessness amongst some of you when it comes to guys closer in your age.  You are ready to move on in your life, make some serious decisions regarding your future, looking at the world around you from a broader perspective and are itching to get out there into it in ways the younger version of you didn’t really used to think about.
Hey, congratulations! Welcome to The Road Of Life! We’re all on it doing our own thing as we see fit. The problem that I’ve heard from some of you is that your vision down that road might be focused a little further than some of the guys in your age group currently is. You’re ready to move on and some of these guys are still in the X Box and baseball hats phase.  You’re ready to make some post education career decisions and these guys are still kinda spinning their wheels and don’t seem to mind it much.  You take a look around you and wonder if you’re holding yourself back, what you’re missing out on, and oh my God! You’re finding that mature men are beginning to catch your eye as a viable option.  I understand the allure of a gentleman with a more mature a outlook on life that your peers in your age group.  Nothing wrong with that.  I also understand you just might want to try some of that. Heh heh…don’t be shy now, I’ve seen this, I’ve heard this and I know for a fact it goes on.
And I never said there was anything wrong with being curious about that 😉

Allow me to illustrate, if I may.  I once had a coworker who was 22, recent college grad, entrepreneurial and a devastating combination of intelligence, ambition and good looks. All the guys at work in their 20’s lined up and took their best shot and all came crashing down in despair. Hey, what can I say? A man’s gotta learn that there’s gonna be a few roadblocks on the road to The Promised Land. After a while she decided to make it clear she only dated men in their 40’s as that was her preference.   She worked in the department next to mine and everyone knew I was down with The Swirl, so the matchmaking began.  I don’t date co-workers so I wasn’t concerned about it.  I kinda had fun playing dumb and talking about Dungeons and Dragons while everyone tried to get the 2 of us together, but  for the sake of illustrating another point, suppose I did try to make that happen? Suppose the mature man in his 40’s did indeed date the younger Lady in her 20’s.  Hey, she was cool with it, there’s gotta be plenty more who are cool with it too! And why stop at 20’s? Once ya get old enough, 30’s and 40’s are all fair game like that as well. No one is safe from the  dirty old man!!

So what I’m saying here is there are indeed younger ladies out there looking for older men. And we older men know this. Granted, not a lot of younger Ladies, but they do exist. For older guys, there’s always that glimmer of hope.   And gambling older men that we are, as long as there’s still a shot, still a chance, as minuscule and minute as  it may be, why not take one last roll of the dice while ya still can? Not a single thing wrong going out with a bang, ya know.

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