All’s Fair In Love And War: Swirl Edition, Interracial Dating Saboteurs

There are few areas of life as competitive as love. For example, did you know the reason sexy British swirler David Bowie has his trademark eyes is because a friend and rival for the affections of a girl punched him in the face?


People can take it very personally sometimes when they feel “crossed” in matters of love. Or before it gets to that point, they may decide they need to knee-cap a threat and get him or her out of the way early.


Don’t let this bubble of unconditional support fool you: NOT EVERY OTHER BLACK WOMAN WANTS YOU TO SWIRL. They want you ugly, fat, bald and alone. With more kids than the mother living in a shoe. A broke, uninspired, hopeless slob with no self-esteem with no interest in non-BM. 


It’s best to realize that you have crossed over into a whole other world of petty, passive-aggressive foolishness. And I’m not just talking about non-black women. If anything, you as a single black woman have more to fear at times from other black women than any other group of women. This is why I repeatedly tell black women to not rest on that “we’re all black women, and therefore we’re all automatically sisters” crap. Because it’s simply not true when it comes to love and romance. 


All’s fair in love and war, ladies.


That means psychological sabotage to get you out of the picture. It means talking you out of looking and being your best. It means trying to convince you that interracial relationships “aren’t happening like that for black women, you need to stay where you are.” Or how “it’s no big deal, don’t talk about it.”


Ever notice how obvious women are when they are flirting with a guy they like? If a woman doesn’t say anything or show any interest, how the heck is a guy supposed to know? Women’s magazines are overflowing over with all kinds of tips and advice about getting a guy, showing interest in a guy. It’s like everything they discuss revolves around men.  

Yet, for some reason, an article or comment where a black woman talks about attraction to non-black men or being happy for the successful relationships they see popping up all the time is the height of “thirst”. Suddenly, there is an issue and black women should stop talking about their interests, talking about who black women are dating and marrying across racial lines, etc. 



There is a reason you are being shushed:


The less black women know how many options they really have, the better it is for the knowledgeable black women with options they are steadily working to increase. And if other black women get wind of the fact that they are desirable and they have the potential to date really really well, the more these women have to compete.

Some black women just aren’t interested in worrying about a black woman who’s smaller than they are, with prettier, clearer skin, and perkier breasts.

From a logical point of view, I can’t blame them. After all, nobody with any sense wants things to be harder for themselves. What do these type of black women do about this? They convince as many black women thinking about dating interracially as possible to stay put and avoid entering the arena of interracial relationships.

This isn’t a conspiracy theory even though it reads like one: It’s common freaking sense. Women have been playing these little underhanded games with each other for millennia. Because when it’s about you and getting the best possible mate you can in order to ensure a good life for your progeny, there are no prisoners to be taken.


So ladies, before you sign off on a woman as having your back, make sure you know for certain. Because you give the right woman your back and she will stab you.

It’s not necessarily personal: You are a competitor, and that makes you in the way. So really pay attention to how other black women come at you regarding your thoughts on potentially dating interracially. I can honestly say at times, NBAB women/sista soldiers are not working nearly as hard as some black women to throw you off your game.


Not every black woman in the interracial relationship sphere is your friend or ally. So vet them just like you would anyone else in your life!

Have you experienced or observed black women trying to sabotage other women considering interracial dating?

What would be some helpful advice for black women (especially young black women) dealing with other black women trying to subtly sabotage them?

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