Dating & Marrying Ethnic Men

From a Black Man’s Mouth: About All That Hate…

Greetings BB&W, As a strong supporter of your work and what it stands for, I’d like to say something to all the naysaying black men on this page:

Dear Anti-Swirl Black men, as you sit and constantly shit on black women for doing what can only be described as out and out Reciprocity, Id like to take this time out to address some of the arguments you make against swirling and black women in general.

“All Black women are hoes” really? ALL of them? first lets address that statement. shes a hoe because…shes dated/slept with other guys? really? I’m not even going to go into the whole Patriarchal bullshit behind that statement but I would like to point out that many a white girl has the EXACT SAME SEXUAL HISTORY you are vilifying black women for, but for them you can somehow “put all that in the past” If you don’t wanna date a woman thats had too many sexual partners, thats okay. I Understand. but recognize the bias you’ve been ingrained with when your willing to pass up a black woman whos only slept with 3 guys for a white woman who slept with 5

“All Black women are ratchet” so…were just gonna act like Reality TV doesn’t have white girls on it right? yes, the “Love & hip hop” franchise makes me cringe, but lets not act like white girls don’t cut a zoo on national TV on the regular on the “Real Housewives” franchise. say what you will about the ladies in Atlanta and their antics, but I’m pretty sure its on par with their white counterparts. As for real life, maybe its where your looking. yeah, nightclubs are full of ratchet women as well. same with white women in the club. again, Bias. how about looking other places? like college, or church, or maybe even seeing if your job has any black women there. which leads to my next point…

“As soon as black women become professionals, they only go for white boys” back in 1991, the film “Jungle fever” had a scene where black women discussed black men ignoring them for white women or at least fair-skinned black girls. the line about how black men feeling like if they want to move up that latter, they have to have a white woman on their arm. And we as black men bought it. the reason you don’t see many black women professionals is the same reason you don’t see many black professionals period, ten fold. but over the last few years, there has been way more educated, loving and single black women on the field. but they were ignored. why? because we ignored them. If you are or were a eligible black bachelor in the last few years, what was stopping you from seeking out black women in your area?

“Black women are always baby mommas” again, where are you meeting these women? look, if you don’t wanna date someone with kids by someone else, then by all means don’t. but the reality is that this is what happens when black men don’t hold each other sexually accountable. im not saying we need to teach young men to marry the first girl they sleep with, but I am saying we need to teach young black men how to use condoms and we need to teach black women to make men their not married to to wear condoms during sex.

Id like to point out that black baby momas are also the result of the black church having a gross double standard with how it socializes young black men towards sex as opposed to how black women are socialized. Black men are socialized to “do what you want, but don’t bring a baby home” while black women are shamed from jump about their bodies. their called “fast tailed girls” for things like just going through puberty or being attractive to boys.

And with this thinking, we dehumanize black women in our own eyes. we don’t see them as women, or even people. just whores, hoes, baby mommas, and in this case, negro bed wenches.

I will not sit here and call myself a man whose never fell for that kind of thinking on some level. the first girl I fell for was a black girl who looked like she could be in Debarge. my high-school sweetheart and first girlfriend was looked like a cross between Regina King & Paula Patton. but the girl I always held a torch for (and still do) is a beautiful black woman. (think a young Teresa Randle in terms of looks)

Im not here to shit on black men who date white women. but I am here to kick the ballistics on the black men who spend their time getting mad that black women aren’t going for them but stay badmouthing them.

I Grew up with both my parents despite the fact they broke up before I was born. I watched my mother work at her friends hair salon and heard the conversations they had and always heard the ones they had about men. occasionally, they’d talk about what white men they’d sleep with, but anyone who talked about marrying one was balked at. at the end of the day, I knew they all loved black men.

Meanwhile, when id go to the barbershop with my father, all I ever heard was talk of sports, politics, music and of course women. there always seemed to be a pecking order with women with black women at the bottom and white women as the trump card towards all others. when the subject of what celebrity they’d marry came up, there were men who picked black women always, but they were outright clowned if they picked a black woman like Gabrielle Union over Jessica Simpson. at the end of the day, its not black women who are color-struck, its us.

Remember that its black women who will cry if they see us killed in the streets, even if they don’t know us. its black women who made us, who raised us, gave up their lives for us.

But yet and still, The Tariq Elites & Tommy Sotomayors wont like this. they’ll call me a simp and go right back to causing the problem men like them created.

So to all of you hating ass black men, I will say this in closing: the pendulum has swung the other way.

Howard Tyrone Smith II


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