Dating & Marrying Ethnic Men

Coloracism Part II: Does He Like You For Hue?

*Note: Madame Noire pulled this story today. Take a read, and let me know why you think they did that.

Does He Like You For Hue?

In my early twenties I dated a guy who offered me a compliment that he just KNEW would make my clothes to melt right off my body. Guess what he said?

“You’re lucky, because I never date anybody as dark as you.”

Then he showed me how ‘smart’ he was: “I like indigos.”

You like what? What the cuss is an INDIGO? I guess he must have meant mulatto.

Meh. He was no genius, I but mention him to highlight an oft-hushed open secret in the black community: dark women catch flak. Don’t be mad at me for calling it out– JoyDailyTV’s “Complexion Obsession: A Hip Hop Documentary” recording artists freely admit that light-skinned girls have preference in their videos because they are seen as exotic. “It’s an escape,” one black male interviewee said. Uhm, escape from what, bruh? Another man said that light-skinned women looked better “visually” on camera. Side-eye central ova hea.

So the black girl is the second class citizen? We’re the sidekick, the light-skinned girl’s ugly friend she takes along to the club to make her look better? Do we still believe this bull-foolery in 2010? Do we buy into it? Do we ACCEPT it?

Do I sound bitter much? Yes, like dark chocolate – I’m very bitter. And every dark skinned woman who has been passed over for no other reason but her hue should be too. It is wrong. It is hurtful. It is coloracist.

One woman on my personal blog revealed a truism about coloracism and dating:

In my experience, a good percentage of BM only pay (romantic) attention to fairer skinned women. When I say romantic attention, I mean more then just attraction, but the effort to actually date and romance a woman. It can take a toll on a girl’s self-esteem. And I think a lot of women could echo this experience.

Tell me, how are we as black women supposed to love ourselves when swaths of our own men scorn and scoff at us if we fail the paper bag test? Ever wonder how it feels like to be second choice by default?

Now I’m not naive. I know dark hate didn’t orginiate from black people, but we certainly are doing a great job of doing the devil’s business ourselves.

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