Guests of the Inner Sanctum

Come Hither: Leaving Him With a Hard Phoner, Sexting, and Almost First Dates

Okay, so by now you’ve undoubtedly collected a few potentials gentlemen callers after following my advice in versions one and two of Come Hither.

Are you ready to use those numbers?

Great, because here is where  a guy will give you a reason to either learn how to block phone numbers or set up a special ring tone to announce his call. As usual, the ball is entirely in your court, but I know some people aren’t ‘phone people’ and may struggle with the art of vetting cloaked as polite conversation.

Please allow me to assist!

Give Him a Hard Phoner..Leave Him Wanting More

Phone conversations are where you can take the opportunity to get to know your mark a little better. There are cues to pay attention to, both obvious and subtle, let’s start with the obvious ones, shall we?

A potential suitor should at least attempt to hold a conversation with you on the phone whether they are a ‘phone person’ or not. That goes both ways, there’s nothing duller than a conversation that consists of me holding the phone while listening to the caller breathe.

I appreciate punctuality when a person calls according to their promised time, and I’ll take into consideration the fact that they may be better company in person, however, the dull personality may cause him to be crossed off my ”to do’ list.

You may enjoy sucking water from a rock. I do not.

BUT I have NO patience for a person that cannot call when they say they will. Don’t get me wrong, because we all use cell phone these days, access, as well as interruptions, should be expected. Sometimes the dog does eat the homework and things do happen.

Consistently forgetting to call when he says he will calls means nothing more to me than he is unable or unwilling to give me the attention that I seek. I don’t need excuses, or reasons, because the result is the same, you are neglecting to respect my time and not giving me proper attention.

Says who? Says Me/You…and that’s all that matters.

He MAY get the hint and adjust his behavior once you show him that you aren’t a doll on a shelf waiting on  him to remember you exist but he may not. If you decline to sit by the phone waiting at this point then you won’t find yourself waiting later on after you are his wife/woman and his kids want to know ‘where Daddy’s at?’

What do you talk about during your initial phone conversations?

Not your entire life story. (You’re revealing too much too soon)

Not your deepest darkest secrets. (He may judge you unfairly while you’re ‘keeping it one hunnard’ don’t be your own enemy)

Not celebrity gossip or real life gossip. (It makes you sound ignorant and catty or worse)

Not complaining about your job. (Misery does like company. He may not be as miserable as you.)

Conversation is an art. You give good conversation by saying nothing much, while listening twice as hard to what your potential is saying. Ask open ended questions if he’s not one to simply open up, some men aren’t into talking about themselves, and some men don’t want to….for various reasons.

People aren’t often asked about themselves, he may share something endearing, though a tight lip might mean he didn’t intend to put so much ‘effort’ into getting to know you. #redflag

I don’t understand relationships where the female partner knows NOTHING much about her man besides his routines and that he shows up to fuk, eat and sleep. He pays bills, too. #kanyeshurug

On the other hand, you may ask one simple question and find yourself holding the receiver wondering how the person speaks without stopping for air.

This isn’t an investigation, so be sure to contribute details about yourself in exchange for his efforts. Conversations should be back and forth, like tennis, until you two fall into a chemistry groove. If you two have chemistry.

Conversation should be your first indication of #redlight #greenlight.

Hopefully, somewhere along the way you’ll discover you enjoy the sound of his voice. I’m a sucker for a sexy baritone voice. My ex sounds like Darth Vadar sans the heavy breathing.

Focus on his speech pattern. Do you hear an accent? Ask about his origin/roots.

Does he use words that are offensive? Does he swear or substitute words for swear words? Correct him if you become offended, he may care, or he may be like me and decide you’re entirely too sensitive to deal with the rest of me if my language is offensive.

Listen to the words that are coming out of his mouth. Hear  something intriguing? Interesting? Abusive? Ask more questions. Does he hesitate? Does he honestly not know what to say?

How does he handle a gentle conflict of opinions? You may want to disagree simply to test the waters. While playing Devil’s Advocate I once had a man call me ‘silly’, as he declined to listen to what I thought further about the subject matter he thought it a appropriate to “AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH’ like children do (in movies) when they refuse to listen to an adult. He was 41 and wondered why he was attractive, with a good job, single and childless.

I hung up on him and only had to deal with him stalking me in public from there on. Literally begging me for forgiveness with an audience of people at the local bodega is not the way to my heart.

See how much time and money I saved by using Geiko and cutting that loss of testosterone? Thanks, Ma Bell!!

All types of good information are tucked away in phone conversations but don’t O.D. at the mere speculation of ‘togetherness.’

Leave him wanting more, you have a life to tend to, so therefore you can’t remain on the phone the entire night, first thing the next morning, during your lunch break, and through your after work commute just because he does give great phoners.

Schedule phone conversations almost like you would first dates, slowly at first, you’re not desperate and he’s shouldn’t be privy to occupy all of your free time so easily. Besides, there are other men to pursue, right?’s not just for teenagers

I don’t know why grown folks get all tiff’d up over things as harmless as sexting. I think its normal and a natural part of growing up to want to express your sexual prowess. Knowing that your visual presentation is accepted is a reinforcement of your ego and esteem. Wanting to look at yourself in a sexual, objectified way is not a bad thing, though you should be mindful of who you share it with.

Once in awhile you need to learn to let go and do something naughty. Does that mean a wet slit picture with your name in graffiti font sent to some joker you just met? No, but it could mean a sexy image of you shared with a special someone. A gfriend of mine ventured into the world of sexy digital by simply snapping a photo of herself looking over her shoulder while donning her mink coat….sexy and indulgent. She kept it for herself and stares at her own beauty in amazement. Now that’s sexy!!

My point is, you, as a woman, need to determine how to convey your sexy with body language, words, and visuals. I think its funny when conservative America gets all worked up over digital nudity. There is nothing wrong with showing your body off.

There is nothing wrong with displaying your sensuality.

What this means to you may not mean the same to everybody else. My point, is that while hunting, you will need to learn to fish.

If you aren’t willing to entice a new love interest I ask if you’re, indeed, ready to have a love interest?

A lot can be done with words, and much can be suggested with an image of wanting eyes or a ‘look’. Did we not have great romantic tales and demure painted portraits that stirred the hearts of men prior to cell phone cameras?

Yes, okay, so now learn to integrate sexy into words and images.

Explore yourself.

Become a voyeur of you and allow others to do the same.

Keep your clothes on.

Or not.

Get all that good sexual energy stirred up for the actual date. I’ve got some suggestions for that, too. #staytuned


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