Written by Nicole J.
Now more than ever, the relationship choices made by black women are pretty much a political statement. But there is no relationship more criticized and analyzed than that of a black woman with a nonblack man. This is especially so if a black woman finds her happiness with a white man. There have even been pejoratives created to describe these black women, in particular a 2-syllabled word that rhymes with bench. Because, you know, name-calling will definitely be the thing that endears us back into the black love fold…but I digress.
The animosity other black people have towards black women who swirl can indeed be a turn off to the idea. But fear not! Here is a (non-exhaustive) list of common criticism you’ll hear if you decide to dip your toes into the #swirlnation, and potential responses.
This is a very common assertion I have seen. If you are not with a black man, you must obviously hate yourself! It is not self-hating to open up your dating options. If a black man makes you happy and ticks all the boxes, that is wonderful! I truly wish black love, especially in modern times, was the rule, not the exception. However, if you find that your pool of black men to choose from is rather small and you want to do things like get married and have children, in that order, simply expanding your pool of men you choose from after vetting them appropriately may allow you to do so. Choosing the best man for your needs, whether he is black or not, is the very opposite of self-hating.
As more BW/WM pairings in particular are being featured more commonly in the media, and more YouTube channels featuring black women with their nonblack partners pop up, this too is not the case. At our best, black women can look 10+ years younger than our age, and we are innovative and creative and literally the mothers of invention. Nonblack women are fueling an industry to buy the features we are naturally blessed with. Any man of any race should recognize and appreciate the greatness black women represent!
Fortunately for everyone, there’s this cool continent called Africa. It is home to over a billion people, most of them black. The small minority of black women dating and marrying out will not contribute to the racial breakdown so many people keep talking about.
This is a common one, often thrown as an insult by men who have been rejected, or by women who feel betrayed. We are not born with some innate obligation to further the race, and it has been made evident that black men don’t have that same loyalty to the race that is foisted upon us, either. Collectively, black women still praise black men, sometimes to our detriment, as they date, mate, and relate with nonblack women at rates much higher than we do.
And say we were race traitors for dating out…why not? For the longest time black men had exclusive rights to the black vagina. Now that access to an estimated 0.0001% of those black vaginas is being “dicked down” by nonblack penises, suddenly their interest is piqued (as KSC says, if you stop it, they will come). Meanwhile, in spite of the mentioned exclusive rights to black vaginas, over the last several decades black men have made it known that to them, black women were merely an option, and not even first choice at that; they had to work through Rebecca, Mariposa, and Xiang Li first, exalting their femininity and their own hair and better attitudes, before circling back to Laverne 20 years on when his prostate is prohibitively enlarged, and hairline is hanging on for dear life.
Here’s a biology/anatomy fun fact: Penis color has nothing to do with sexual prowess! Black men got all the positive sexual stereotypes and they play that to their benefit. And more power to them, it’s a good stereotype to have, whether it’s true or not. And while sex is definitely an important facet to a relationship, it certainly isn’t the be-all end-all. What good is good sex if that’s all a man has to offer? A man of any race can meet your sexual needs, regardless of the shade of his member.
This is only a mere handful of scare tactics I have seen used against swirling. Which ones have you seen? Let us know in the comments!