Last week I was directed to an informal study by Best Black Dating Sites that caused a mini uproar, but thanks to the mainstream black media’s persistent silence in reporting ANYTHING that make black men look bad, it has been relatively contained. The news was that there are only 3 “good” black men for every 100 black women.
Dr. Boyce Watkins, never to be silent on a social media outrage, put in his two cents with a scathing rebuttal. “I can also say that for many black men with whom I speak (yes, good ones), the idea of a woman looking at them with a list reminds them of slave auctions where the master would look at the slave’s teeth and bone structure to decide if he would be good to work in the field. Your partner was not put on this earth to serve you; he was put on this earth to love you, but only if you prove yourself capable of accepting true love. No one wants to be evaluated and objectified like a commodity or a piece of meat. Perpetual focus on the superficial makes the relationship almost professional in nature and undermines your ability to truly connect to the core.”
Really Boyce? Black women having standards in hopes to reduce the likelihood of being played, heartbroken, possibly diseased or put in danger by an economically and educationally hamstrung felon, or left with illegitimate babies is like the master at a slave auction? Really? I also find it absolutely HILARIOUS that he says, No one wants to be evaluated and objectified like a commodity or a piece of meat. AHAHAHAHAHAAAA! Omg…tell that to all the black men drooling over Izzy Azealia and Kim Kardashian. They like their pieces of meat just fine, thankyouverymuch.
Prime example of how we’ve lowered the bar so much that being a “good” black men requires so little. These low expectations aren’t helping black men in the long run, who increasingly will face competition for mates, not just with black women who are open to dating interracially, but for all races of women who will have a similar list of standards.
Lowered expectations also work against black women who refuse to increase their dating options by dating interracially. Since criteria for a “good man” is so low, you have black women clinging to men less worthy of them, and leaves them open to abuse, exploitation, or just plain old sucky relationships.
Dating from a scarcity perspective is like walking through the desert with no supplies. You’re grateful for the first oasis you see, even if the water might be teeming with bugs and disease-causing bacteria. Conversely, knowing that there’ll always be perspective suitors is like being thirsty in a rain forest. Quenching your thirst is just as easy as holding your mouth open when the next rain come in an hour.
Which brings to head another point–dating multiple men at once. Now please understand–I’m saying DATE, not have sex with! Dating multiple men is not only empowering, but it allows you to assert through your body language that you’re not desperate for any one mans’ attention. You naturally give off the air that you’re a challenge, and men will do what they were born to do–rise to a challenge. Dating multiple men also gives you a chance to really understand what YOU need in a potential mate, because it’s likely that each man will have his own unique dance of seduction.
And always remember that with choices comes power. And with power, comes respect.
Is this where I write the disclaimer that I’m not accusing all black men of being losers? Okay; consider it done.